Author Topic: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG  (Read 12317 times)

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Zefrem23

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2007, 09:05:24 AM »
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

Ciarrai

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #16 on: December 07, 2007, 03:49:37 PM »
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

I hope you wouldn't actually say this to someone. While being forceful is often necessary, it's possible to couch it in much politer terms than this.

Minmom3

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2007, 08:08:34 PM »

I agree with all the just say no input.  Plus, who wants to have a kid that acts like that around all day on your day off?

On a GS note...it's against the org rules to be both coleader and cookie mom.  You can double check with the local service unit and council, but it is emphasized to us in the mandatory training (for leaders and coleaders) every year that you MUST have two different adults fill those roles.   If this is an existing troop I'm surprised she had any parents/girls return at all.

DG
'glad to be coleader but you couldn't pay me to be cookie mom  :o '


BEEN the cookie mom...  Ask me how many extra cases I had to buy for US because DH dug into them.  >:(   We didn't have a garage, so they were sitting in the living room, calling his name...  Personally, I don't think being the cookie mom is any worse than being a mom of a Brownie that has to sell cookies!  I HATED going door to door with my daughter to sell cookies.  Hated it with a  fiery passion.  Wasn't too fond of  sitting outside the market with them either.  None of it was fun, and I was thrilled when my kids opted out of girls scouts and went into 4-H.   ;D
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Texas Mom

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #18 on: December 08, 2007, 01:24:45 PM »
Look for a new brownie troop to put your DD in, ASAP.  Call the council office & ask them for a referral to one.  If they ask what is going on, tell them.

Then you won't have any reason to have contact with this woman.

You don't want to be "cookie mom."  BTDT

T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2007, 08:58:32 AM »
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

Oh, come on, Zefrem, you would never say that to someone like that. You would put it in much politer terms - but that's what it would mean, heh.  ;D

I remember many years back, a cousin of mine wanted my aunt to watch her children for her every single afternoon after school for hours... also for free. My aunt said no; it would have tied her down to her house, and she wasn't close to those family members anyway (in fact, she did not even get invited to weddings, functions, etc. that they were having, but they suddenly remembered her existence when they needed free babysitting). The cousin's father (i.e. my aunt's BIL) stopped talking to this aunt and her husband. He said he had to "side with his daughter". EXCUSE ME? "Side with" her? She wanted babysitting for free from some she didn't associate with otherwise; my aunt was perfectly within her rights to say no!

OTOH, this same aunt had quite the double standard. When they moved into a house opposite our primary school, I made the joking statement, "Oh, we could come here after school!" My aunt went ultra-sonic (a la Monica in Friends) and said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS PLACE IS, A HALFWAY HOUSE?!!" Then a couple of years later both of her children enrolled in the high school across the road from our house. Guess what she asked? Yup - if her children could come over to our house in the afternoons! My mother said yes. I would have said NO and not felt one bit guilty.


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nliedel

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2007, 09:45:48 AM »
My neighbor is pulling a similar stunt and I don't have the guts to say no. Good for you, OP. Maybe your cajone's will leap out of the computer and give me boost of courage, cause I really have to pull the plug here and I am too darn chicken.

ETA: it does not matter why you say no. You don't have to justify it. You could be home squshing your dryer lint into artistic shapes, and it would not matter one wit. If you don't want to watch someone else's child, for whatever reason, then you do not have to. End of story. Don't feel you have to even justify it to yourself. Family time is so important and, to me, Sunday night is sacred.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2007, 09:50:01 AM by nliedel »
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POF

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2007, 10:05:27 AM »
I am kind of on the position of the asker - but very differently. DH and I work opposite shifts so that we have childcare coverage for the boys. DH works nights - I have a professional level day job. DH just got tapped for State Grand Jury. It's 3 months - at a courthouse 45 minutes away. Because of his schedule - he will not be able to work those days it convenes ( there goes our budget - his company does not compensate for jury duty )  - and it creates havoc with childcare.

I can go into work late and put the boys on the bus. We are looking for a high school girl ( who we would pay ) to get them off the bus and supervise for 2 hours until one of us gets home. They are well behaved and would spend that time in homework.

Neighbor Dad i( good friends with  ) is also home at 3:30 and he generously offered to watch the boys first week or two until DH figured out schedule with the grand jury ( it's not every day ) and until we landed on a sitter.  I feel a little presumptious - but - we have done the same for them when needed ...... and I will definitely be getting them a nice restaurant gift card.  Plus the boys play at each others houses from 3:15 until 4:45 4 days a week - so it's kind of in the same situation.  I actually have their boys all afternoon today to decorate cookies and make some presents for Mom and Dad.

If all else falls through - my boss will let me work some flexitime ands some hours from home.  But I am absolutely flabberghast that someone would just assume that you would watch their child for free. ......

Zefrem23

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2007, 10:11:15 AM »
"I don't know you, you're not my friend, I'm not a professional babysitter, and you're not offering me any money. So no, I won't be watching your child for you. Hire a nanny. Goodbye."

Oh, come on, Zefrem, you would never say that to someone like that. You would put it in much politer terms - but that's what it would mean, heh.  ;D

Actually I would say it like that, in just those words, but then again that's just me. I don't see the need to mollycoddle people on the grounds that people might take offense; people *do not* have a right not to be offended, especially when they're behaving in a way that needs a short sharp shock to let them know how selfish they're being. Let's not mistake 'etiquette' for 'elaborate ways to avoid causing offense', because that way lies madness and death.

Of course if people *want* to be doormats and walked all over by rude, selfish people, then that's entirely their prerogative.

T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #23 on: December 09, 2007, 12:16:01 PM »
Of course if people *want* to be doormats and walked all over by rude, selfish people, then that's entirely their prerogative.

I think the problem that a lot of non-rude people have, is that we get so shocked by rudeness (whether it's someone you hardly know asking you to watch their child, attacking you for no reason, yelling, whatever) that we don't know what to do and just agree out of reflex not to cause the rude person to display more of the rude behaviour. Which is wrong, but it's a hard mindset to get out of.


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Zefrem23

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #24 on: December 09, 2007, 02:31:01 PM »
[...] we don't know what to do and just agree out of reflex not to cause the rude person to display more of the rude behaviour. Which is wrong, but it's a hard mindset to get out of.

What continually blows my mind is how people would rather avoid any direct unpleasantness that will be over immediataly, preferring instead to suffer others' appalling behaviour for days, weeks, months, heck - even YEARS - just so they can feel like they're being the better person. Better according to whose standards, is what I ask?

I don't actually think there's an award for "held the moral high ground most often"....

T'Mar of Vulcan

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #25 on: December 09, 2007, 03:07:01 PM »
I don't actually think there's an award for "held the moral high ground most often"....

But there should be.  ;)

OT: I like your sig pic. Especially the fish with feet.


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loopey2u

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #26 on: December 11, 2007, 08:45:21 PM »
Quote
What continually blows my mind is how people would rather avoid any direct unpleasantness that will be over immediataly, preferring instead to suffer others' appalling behaviour for days, weeks, months, heck - even YEARS - just so they can feel like they're being the better person. Better according to whose standards, is what I ask?

Heh, you're funny.  The person you describe above would be called a martyr, which I am not and have no intention on becoming.

The feeling of being the better person never even crossed my mind, and the idea of preferring to suffer rather than say no to other peoples demands is rediculous.

Sometimes certain situations require different types of responses. Obviously the charm school you went to didn't teach you that.
 >:D

If this were a random stranger asking me to watch her daughter for free I wouldn't hesitate to say no.  The asker is someboy that I will have to deal with on a semi-regular basis, and the need to tread gently is only because I don't like strained social situations.  The idea from your quote that any direct unpleasantness would be over immediately does not apply here.

Your response is just outright rude, and I hope you were joking that you would actually tell somebody that when you posted it. 

POF, you're in a different situation, and I'm sure your neighbor doesn't mind watching your kids until you find permanent arrangements because you WILL find permanent arrangements.  Sounds like your kids play their a lot anyways and vice-versa so it's really not a big deal.

Nliedel, I hope my cajones jumped out and gave you the courage to say no to your neighbor.  It's hard, but sometimes you gotta do it.

Keep us posted.

Edited for punctuation.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2007, 08:48:10 PM by loopey2u »

Imaginatrix

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #27 on: December 12, 2007, 09:03:16 AM »
I'd probably have done the same as Zefrem, to be perfectly honest. Sometimes, people just EXPECT you to do things for them because you're of the same gender/ nationality/ whatever, and then walk all over you when you give in to your politeness training and do it once expecting them to leave you alone afterwards.

Personally, I think telling them to GO. AWAY. is better than doing what you're asked but with resentment and bad grace, and hating yourself for giving in the whole time.

(And before you ask - yes, I AM from the gutter and proud of it. :P)

ncp

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #28 on: December 12, 2007, 02:44:32 PM »
Oh boy, this reminds me of a time I got in BIG, MAJOR trouble with my parents when I was... oh, 10 years old or so.

My vocal music teacher had a son about the same age as my brother. When she found out that my brother took art classes at an art school near our house, she decided to enroll her son in it as well. Now my music teacher lived about 20 minutes away from our house, and the art school was about 20 minutes in the other direction. I don't know how this arrangement was reached, but somehow, my parents (probably my father, who cannot say "no" to anyone), agreed to pick the son up from the art school along with my brother, and the two of them could play together for a few hours until my music teacher could come to our house to pick up her son. I'm guessing my teacher probably had lessons around that time and couldn't pick her son up or something, and my father offered to do her a favor.

This arrangement continued for a few weeks, and everyone seemed to be happy -- my brother got a playmate for a few hours on the weekends and the son was safe and taken care of. Then one day, my mother complained to me, sort of offhandedly, that she found the whole thing really inconvenient. See, my father was perfectly happy doing my music teacher a favor by picking up her son and watching him for a few hours, except he wasn't doing the watching. He would drop the kids home and go back to the office, leaving my mother to supervise four young kids for several hours on a Saturday (my father worked shorter hours during the week and made it up on weekends so he could watch us kids because my mom was in school. Also, my father's picture is in the dictionary next to the entry for "workaholic"). So she couldn't go to the grocery store or run any errands or visit friends or work on her thesis until the kid got picked up.

Being the genius that I was, I though I'd help my mother out. At my next music lesson, I told my teacher that my parents didn't really mind watching her son, but "they didn't like the idea of it". I got severely yelled at the ENTIRE way home by my father for my rudeness. Then we got home, and my mother yelled at me even more.

The upshot of it was that my music teacher asked ANOTHER friend of hers to come to our house right after the art school got out and pick her son up right away. I don't think the kid took any more art lessons after that semester was over.

Ant V

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Re: I'm afraid that won't be possible, and just plain NO aren't working. LONG
« Reply #29 on: December 18, 2007, 03:54:14 PM »
Well if you have a child in the Brownie Troop you do owe something to the troop in some form or the other.  There's a lot of work to being leaders in Boy and Girl Scouts and all parents should help in the effort.  If you volunteer to help more with the troop, it might relieve some of her pressures.  I would tell her no on the baby sitting but help her more with the troop.  It almost sounds like she's desperate for day care.