Homemade Christmas stockings

[Just Lori]

Mods, is it OK if I ask people to take the strict etiquette out of this dilemma?  Because I know what strict etiquette dictates.  I'd like to find out what people would do in this situation, regardless of etiquette rules.

Disclaimer - I realize that once a gift is given, the recipient can do what he or she likes with it.

The situation - When my brother and I were children, my grandmother made Christmas stockings for us. They were unique and lovely and still hang on my parents' mantle.  When my daughter was born, my mother decided she wanted to continue the tradition.  She bought a stocking with blank cross stitch fabric on the top and embroidered "Merry Christmas Lorisdaughter."  I think she ran out of motivation after that, but she said she preferred to keep it simple.  She was quite proud of it.

When my second daughter was born, Mom couldn't find a cross stitch stocking.  So she bought a fuzzy red and white one and embroidered my second daughter's name in awful, block stitch writing.  Still, she took pride in seeing her creations over my fireplace.

My kids are 10 and 8 now. Every year, I sort of cringe inside when I see their stockings.  I wish I could replace them, but I'm almost sure this would hurt my mom's feelings.  My mom has had a lot of health problems over the years, and we almost lost her a few times.  She's very precious to me, and I care about her feelings.  But gah!  The stockings are really kind of hideous.

So WWYD?  I've considered accidentally losing them.  I've also considered buying custom-made stockings for the girls and us, so we have a matching set over the fireplace.  The girls could hang the ones by Grandma in their room.  Does anyone have any other suggestions?

[waterwren]

"grandma, we put those away for when the girls are married - so they have them toshare with their kids. We bought these just to have a decoration since the kids are getting too "old" for stocking now."  Since she probably doesn't visit for Christmas morning she won't know and she'll probably love the idea pf "preserving" them as heirlloms.

[Ambrosia Hino]

do you spend time on Christmas with Grandma? If so, maybe their stockings from her could join your's at her house? then you have the matching set at home, too?

LOL my and DH's new house doesn't even have a fireplace, and DH doesn't have a stocking. But I have 2, hehehe. One (very pretty) from my aunt when I was little, and one cheaper one with my name stitched into it from my ex-fiance's mother (it was for Christmases at their house). She made it for me the same Christmas he proposed to me (she knew what was coming, I didn't).

[RainhaDoTexugo]

How do your daughters feel about the stockings?  It's hard to offer advice without knowing that, too.  If they're as attached to the stockings as your mother is, I really wouldn't recommend losing them.  Aside from that, I understand where you're coming from, but I think you'll just have to figure out your priorities in this.  What's really more important to you, the look of your mantle, or your mother's feelings?  Do your daughters have other things that their grandmother has made for them, that would lesson the impact of you getting rid of the stockings?

Although I seem to have taken the view of keeping the stockings, I think that your solution of matching stockings would work if your girls kept the originals.  Could you send the originals to your mom's house to hang so that "the generations of homemade stockings will be together" after you buy new ones?

[Nuala]

I was going to suggest exactly what you said.

Tell your mother that you are going to put them in your daughters' rooms and ask her if she want to get them special "stocking gifts" that they can open first thing Christmas morning, before waking you and DH.  That way she can still feel that the stockings mean something special to you and the girls. 

But, on second thought, I would talk to the girl first and see what they think.  For my first Christmas, my mother's father bought me a red stocking and had "Lastname-y" written on it in green glitter.  This will be its 46th Christmas.  When I was a teenager, my mother wanted to make me a new stocking (as she had done for my brothers), but I was very upset and didn't want to hurt my grandfather's feelings.

So, my advice is to see if the girls are amenable to your plan, then find a way to demonstrate to your mother that you still appreciate her handiwork, but still have matching stockings on the mantle.

[Peppermint]

Could you say that moths got to them? And there were several holes in them? Then you could cut out the embroidered part, which is the most important and personalized part, and have that made into decorative little pillows, and buy or make new stockings that you like.  So you still have the sentimental part that your mom made, but you also get to have new stockings.  Maybe the pillows could have a little pocket on them too and you could include a photo of the stocking.

My paternal grandmother died before I was born, and one of the things she had given to my mom was an old mink coat....it was in bad condition but my mom wanted to have a little something from it for my dad to remember his mom by.  The only good parts left were the insides of the sleeve cuffs and the collar, so I cut those out and bought one of the Father Christmas standing decorations with fabric clothing, and took apart Father Christmas' coat and trimmed the edges in the fur from his mom's coat.  My dad got tears in his eyes when he opened it for Christmas that year.  

[CynthiaBelle]

I wouldn't lie, that may hurt her feelings even more. And I definitely wouldn't say that moths got them or they were destroyed.

Since she is so proud of them, I would simply put them in the girls room(s) or I would put them away for safe keeping. Then I would get nice ones that match for everyone, that way an old tradition (the personalization) is with the new tradition (the new stockings).

[RainhaDoTexugo]

Would it help to get your mom's help in designing or making the new stockings, in a way you could "control" to keep them from becoming design disasters?  It might help her if she feels like she still had some hand in her granddaughters' new stockings, too.

[dietcokeofevil]

You could buy nice matching ones to hang on the mantle for decoration only.  Then still fill the old ones and have them appear Christmas morning.

[Zilla]

I would buy a new set for everyone and hang them over the fireplace.

I would then hang the stockings near the tree on the wall or in the girls' room if they don't mind.

If she says anything, just say that you wanted to match all the stockings together over the fireplace but her stockings are so precious, they are in this spot and show her where.

[Salvage3]

Sorry to disagree, but I say keep them and use them.  Old saying, "Ugly is in the eye of the believer."  What your children and you should be seeing is the love that went into the making.  We're not talking some ugly piece of art or ceramic figure, etc. that you're expected to display in a prominent spot all year.   We're talking about a simply Christmas stocking that is up for a short period of time. 

We had plain ones --white top, red body --and they got pretty threadbare; but they held a place of honor in our house until I was out of high school and probably college.

[jimithing]

How do your daughters feel about the stockings?  It's hard to offer advice without knowing that, too.  If they're as attached to the stockings as your mother is, I really wouldn't recommend losing them.  Aside from that, I understand where you're coming from, but I think you'll just have to figure out your priorities in this.  What's really more important to you, the look of your mantle, or your mother's feelings?  Do your daughters have other things that their grandmother has made for them, that would lesson the impact of you getting rid of the stockings?

Although I seem to have taken the view of keeping the stockings, I think that your solution of matching stockings would work if your girls kept the originals.  Could you send the originals to your mom's house to hang so that "the generations of homemade stockings will be together" after you buy new ones?

I agree.  They are your daughter's stocking, and if they love them, you should continue to use them.  As they get older, I suspect that they will want something different, and I think that it's perfectly normal to "outgrow" gifts like this.

[TamJamB]

Well... to tell the absolute truth, none of the gentle justifications mentioned here are going to fool your mom unless she is really, really dim.  Especially when, immediately after the moths eat the old ones, beautiful new stockings for the girls show up to replace her run-up-by-loving-hands offerings.

You have two choices here, IMO.  The first is to tell the truth, "Mom, the stockings you made for the girls just don't match our Christmas decorations.  I want to buy them new stockings, and buy Bob and I stockings to match their new ones.  That way the mantle will match the rest of the room.  I thought I would put the stockings you made for the girls in their rooms.  Or I could send them back to you and you could hang them along with the ones that Nana made for me and Bubba."  This might hurt her feelings a bit, but at least it's straightforward and it preserves the stockings she made.  If they get 'lost' or 'eaten by moths' you will have to throw them away in order to keep the lie going.  And someday you and your girls will be very sorry if you do that.

The second choice is to keep the stockings your mom made and try to adjust the way you 'see' them.  As salvage3 said, you could try to 'see' the love and tradition they were made with, rather than the clumsy execution.  Miss Manners says that every home needs some 'tacky' but sentimental items to give it warmth.  Christmas stockings made by your loving, if not particularly crafty, mom certainly qualify.

I'd also like to second (or third, I lost track) the suggestion that you ask your girls what they think before you do anything.  They are at an age where they may be very sentimental about this type of thing and they may wish to keep the stockings their grandma made them.

[tracieleigh]

It irks me to no end when people make/give us things that they expect us to continue to use as a tradition EVERY SINGLE year.  My aunt made this hideous tree skirt and told me that my kids would grow up looking forward to seeing the skirt every year.     The thing had the scariest looking reindeers on it and Santa looked like he was on crack.  I know - she made it with her loving hands, but it didn't go with our Christmas decor at all! Don't get me wrong, I adore the hand made thing my mom, aunt and granny have given me, but there are things - like stockings that are personal and one should be able to pick out the one(s) they want their kids to have.  Fortunately - my mom - the first Christmas after hubby and I married told me, "Tracie - I want to make stocking for you and hubby - find something you adore and that is what I will make."  THANK GOODNESS she didn't just make something and expect it to be what we use every year.  When our kids were born, she did the same thing.......I picked them out and she made them.

Oh, as for the tree skirt..........sonny boy puked chocolate milk all over the dang thing and being it was so delicate and it could not even be hand washed, we had to "retire" it.

[cb140]

Here's what I wouldn't do. I wouldn't (1) Lose/throw them away and I wouldn't (2) spin Grandma some line about moths or candles or whatever destroying them. Here's what I might do. Either (1) put up with them, because what's most important is that they were made with love or (2) put the handmade stockings in the girls' rooms and buy some smart matching ones for your fireplace if that's important to you.

Probably, I wouldn't do anything at all. With five kids all of varying ages and artistic ability, our house is crammed with homemade Christmas stuff of varying degrees of tackiness, and I don't really mind: I'd rather see the stuff there than have a fancy, designer-type Christmas. But I think putting them up in the girls' room would work just as well, and could even be sold to Grandma ("we put the PROPER stockings up by the girls beds, we bought these cheap factory-made ones just to put on the fireplace for show")