Author Topic: Your tooth or my marriage?  (Read 6040 times)

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veryfluffy

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Your tooth or my marriage?
« on: December 03, 2007, 02:20:28 PM »
Today DH and I decided to drive over to Stratford-upon-Avon (ie Shakespeare's home town), about 45 minutes from our home, for a bit of shopping. Neither of us had been there in years, and were hoping for a nice day out. I was driving, and DH often gets a bit stressed when he's navigating and things are poorly signposted. And then the traffic was bad, and we missed a turning for the car park. Then I turned into the wrong car park, which was long term, and had to reverse out...So I found the right one, and it was very full, so I had to circle and hope someone was leaving. Ah ha! Spotted my chance, someone loading up their car and about to pull out. So I put on my indicators, and wait. DH is by now STEAMING beside me. I notice a minivan pull up behind me, and the driver gets out and comes over. "I really need that spot, I have a toothache, and have to get to the dentist." She wasn't demanding, and quite polite. But I could see that DH and I would have had a marital crisis if I did not park the car RIGHT NOW. "Sorry, no" I said, "I really need that spot."

It did occur to me that if she was going to the dentist, then she was local, so she knew other places to park in the area. I on the other hand, didn't. And if she was desperate, the car park over the road was more expensive but had plenty of spaces. Also, there was actually quite a lot of movement, and I noticed that she managed to find a space before I'd even finished parking the car. Probably without the imminent divorce/murder situation in my car, I would have let her have the space, and I did feel bad.
   

guihong

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2007, 07:57:49 PM »
Not that it has anything to do with the post, but I was at Stratford almost three years ago (I'm American).  There was the whole Shakespeare thing, but I picked up most of my postcards and souveniers there.  Good shopping!  My friend and I also found an honest-to-goodness tea and scone shop.  I came all that way for a scone, and I was not to be denied!

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Akarui Kibuno

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2007, 07:00:02 AM »
Truth be told, when my parents were in such situations and my Dad started being like that, my Mom would usually stop, hand him the keys and say "Hey, since it seems to bother you so much, why don't YOU drive ?" .

He usually stopped after that and let her get to our destination :P .
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Virg

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2007, 10:56:47 AM »
She asked nicely, and took no for an answer.  So she's off the hook, and kudos to her.  You needed the space and you were polite in saying so.  So you're good too.  This is how etiquette is supposed to work, and it's heartening to see such an exchange be so civil.

You needn't feel badly about it, but next time you might consider letting your husband drive if he's going to have such temper problems.

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bopper

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2007, 04:38:28 PM »
"I really need that spot, I have a toothache, and have to get to the dentist." 
"I am so sorry, but I don't take that spot my husband's head will explode."

freakyfemme

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2007, 09:15:45 PM »
I would have given it to her.  In my books, a medical problem takes precedence over shopping.

goblue2539

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2007, 10:14:03 AM »
I would have given it to her.  In my books, a medical problem takes precedence over shopping.

There is no way that someone's non-emergency medical problem takes precedence over harmony between me and my spouse.  The situation described had nothing to do with shopping and everything to do with being aware of your significant other's good AND bad points and being able to deal with them. 

The issue about his temper being that close to the surface is something for the OP to evaluate at a later time, not when he's ready to blow.

freakyfemme

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2007, 10:46:56 AM »
I would have given it to her.  In my books, a medical problem takes precedence over shopping.

There is no way that someone's non-emergency medical problem takes precedence over harmony between me and my spouse.  The situation described had nothing to do with shopping and everything to do with being aware of your significant other's good AND bad points and being able to deal with them. 

The issue about his temper being that close to the surface is something for the OP to evaluate at a later time, not when he's ready to blow.

Okay, fine, I see your point.  I guess if I put myself in your husband's shoes (like, say I was out with my hypothetical future husband, and I was the one driving the car), then I'd want my husband to intervene for me if we got into a triggering situation and I started feeling like I was going to have a panic attack.  I guess everyone reacts to stress differently.  Some people get angry, and others flash in and out of semi-consciousness.  I take stuff for it, but of course, it's not magic......anyway, you're right, I think that under the circumstances, the other lady could have parked elsewhere.

goblue2539

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2007, 12:02:06 PM »
Okay, fine, I see your point.  I guess if I put myself in your husband's shoes (like, say I was out with my hypothetical future husband, and I was the one driving the car), then I'd want my husband to intervene for me if we got into a triggering situation and I started feeling like I was going to have a panic attack.  I guess everyone reacts to stress differently.  Some people get angry, and others flash in and out of semi-consciousness.  I take stuff for it, but of course, it's not magic......anyway, you're right, I think that under the circumstances, the other lady could have parked elsewhere.

You actually just kind of proved my point.  If you're starting to have a panic attack, no one but your DH may be able to recognize the signs.   My sore tooth, when I have a regularly scheduled appointment that I could plan for, doesn't make me more important than your impending attack that came on despite the best preparation possible. 

Funny how many times I realize I actually agree with someone after we post here. :D 

LyanneB1

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Re: Your tooth or my marriage?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2007, 12:34:14 PM »
If my parents didn't live further than 45 minutes from Stratford, I'd suspect my mother of being a member as I can very clearly visualise them in this situation.

If you go there again, is it worth finding out if there's a Park & Ride?  We've used them in a few towns & they are easy to park in & find the buses for.

I don't see you did anything wrong.  Yes, you did want the space so you could shop, as opposed to her needing it for parking before going to the dentist.  But actually, she didn't know that - you could have been parking there for the same dentist, or an emergency opticians appt, or anything.

And I am absolutely convinced you needed that space for marital harmony!