S/O Cute or insensitive -- Christmas Cards for the bereaved?

[Cupcake Fiend]

On our Christmas card list, we have a few people who have recently lost close family members (spouses or parents)

Our Christmas card is a photo card with a preprinted message saying "Hope your holidays are the merriest and brightest ever" and I'm writing a personal message on each one.

What can I say in my note that wouldn't be trite?  I don't want to dwell on their losses but I also don't want to ignore the fact that they are grieving, and celebrating their first holiday without a loved one.

Do I need to get separate, less "jolly" cards for them?

[grubby2]

In 2006, I lost my father, grandmother and lost my mother 3 weeks before Christmas.  My stance, your card is fine.  A simple "your in our thoughts and/or prayers this season."  It might be a little perky for some, but I find it just fine. 

[Sharnita]

With a reference to the merriest and brightest holiday ever, I'd get a few alternate cards that focus on peace in the holiday season.

[MDefarge]

My Best Friend's mom died earlier this year, and in fact she, dad and sis are actually leaving town for Christmas because they just can't stand the thought of being home this first Christmas w/out mom - so based on that I would get a pack of less festive cards for those families.  They will appreciate that you are thinking of them, but anything too cheery might just cause more sadness on their parts.

[twinkletoes]

I agree with getting more subdued cards for these people.  Unless you know them *really* well, and you can pick out a cute, amusing Christmas card that might cheer them up.  My mom's mom died right around Thanksgiving in 2000 - she was knee-deep in condolence notes, and *everyone* sent the subdued Christmas cards a few weeks later.  She received a funny Christmas card from a good friend, and it was a much-needed laugh.  YMMV, of course.

[sbtier]

I remember that my mother used to send holiday cards specifically for the bereaved - they had a black background and I remember she received some the year after my father died.  I haven't seen them for awhile, so maybe they went out of style..

[MsEva]

I lost my dad to cancer earlier this year and I took my mom for tests today. We'll find out if she has cancer or not by the end of the week.

I want Christmas cards full of good wishes and cheer. I want to get things in the mail that will take my mind off of cancer and death and scary unknown things - at least for a few moments.

Just my $.02

[Cupcake Fiend]

One of the people I think would appreciate our card, she is Thing 2's Godmother and we are pretty close (She lost her Dad early in the fall).  For her mom, I think I will get a special card, but still enclose a copy of the picture of them.

The others are in DH's family so I will check with him on what they would prefer.  Everyone looks at things so differently, it helps to have other opinions.

[Chocolate Cake]

If the world was such that no one had ever heard the words "Brightest and Merriest Ever", I'd say your card would be inappropriate to send to the newly bereaved.   It would be a shock under those circumstances. However, this kind of phrasing is such standard holiday lingo repeated a thousand times a day in one way, shape, or form that it won't have that kind of impact.  It's a non-issue in my opinion.   

Send your cards to everyone as is and simply write "you are in our thoughts and prayers" on those where those words would be appropriate.

[Twik]

With a reference to the merriest and brightest holiday ever, I'd get a few alternate cards that focus on peace in the holiday season.

POD. One might wish it, but I really doubt these people will have the "merriest and brightest" Christmas ever.

[kudeebee]

Get a box of cards that are more subdued.  Trim the photo card to just the photo and include that with a short message on the card that you are thinking of them.

I remember getting cards wishing me the merriest christmas or the best holidays ever the year my dad died--I certainly didn't feel that way and those cards went in the trash.  No offense to those who sent them, but I just couldn't look at them.

[Lisbeth]

Well, my experience with this involves a different holiday, but...

In 2003, during the High Holy Days, I'd just found out that my aunt had terminal lung cancer.  (She died a couple of months later.)  I had holiday cards to send, but many of them wished the recipients a healthy (Jewish) New Year as well as a happy one.  I carefully looked over my cards and sent my aunt and cousins one that with a simple, subdued message as well as my father (my aunt was his sister).

I now wish I'd handled that differently...writing a heartfelt but not lugubrious note about how much they meant to me might have been better.

[CatFanatic]

I've been intersted in these posts. My uncle in law is dying of cancer, and doesn't have a lot of time left. I was very worried about what to write in a card for their family, since the usual cheery greetings don't seem at all appropriate. I make my own cards, so I will still have a happy Christmas print on the cover, but inside I will write grubby2's message about them being in our thoughts, instead of the usual 'merry' and 'joy' stuff.

I do think the 'merriest and brightest ever' would be a bit wrong, too. I would buy (even make) cards with an alternative message.