Older Parents

[Mahdoumi]

My DH and I finally have been blessed with a live, healthy baby girl.  I am 45; my DH is 51.  What would be appropriate responses to, "Oh!  HaHaHa!  A change-of-life baby," and, "Is that your grandchild?"

I also can't believe that I bristle whenever total strangers ask me her name.  Am I weird?  How do I respond?  One time, I gave a different name but felt awkward.

[Brentwood]

Congratulations on your baby!

I have been asked if my son is my grandson (he's almost six; I'm only 41!), and it's very awkward. I would just gently correct those who assume the baby is your granddaughter. If people make comments about her being a "change of life" baby (and the implication there is that the pregnancy was an accident), an arched eyebrow with the "What an interesting assumption" line sounds about right.

[amanda_tlg]

"Oh!  HaHaHa!  A change-of-life baby,"

Change of life? Oh, you bet! My life has changed so much... (and then you go into a long detailed diatribe of diapers, spit-up, 'feminine issues' whatever works until they walk away)

"Is that your grandchild?"

Well of course she's grand. She's got good genes afterall.

Sorry, I had a bad day and the sarcasm switch is still on.

Congradulations!

[Mopsy428]

I agree with Cathy.

I'm not so sure about the name thing, though. 

[Shoo]

Congratulations!!

[Mahdoumi]

I have been asked if my son is my grandson (he's almost six; I'm only 41!), and it's very awkward. If people make comments about her being a "change of life" baby (and the implication there is that the pregnancy was an accident), an arched eyebrow with the "What an interesting assumption" line sounds about right.

Exactly why I posted this problem here!  I was wondering if I could use "the line."

[Mahdoumi]

Sorry, I had a bad day and the sarcasm switch is still on.

So sorry to hear you had a bad day but hope your evening makes it better. 

I was using the New York "Waddya kiddin'?" look, but that seemed to be too harsh a reaction.

[Mahdoumi]

Congratulations!!

Thanks!  It's been a rough year, but things seem to be falling into place, now.  She's almost 4 months old, off the apnea monitor, and becoming a little person.

[Kendo_Bunny]

Congratulations! My father and mother were 45 and 40 respectively when I was born, and I think I turned out fine. Older parents may not be as much into rough-and-tumble as young parents, but they definitely have invaluable experiences and life lessons. Plus, they lived through a whole bunch of really neat stuff 

I love my older Dad, he's led the coolest life. And I love hearing about my older Mom, she did a lot of neat stuff in her life too. As a child of "old" parents, I'd say they are awesome, and I'm sure your daughter will grow up thinking so too.

[MrsO]

I too am not sure why the name thing bothers you. I usually ask people what their babies names are, it has nothing to do with the parents age, i just like to put a name to a cute little face 
About the asking if you're her grandmother, try not to let it bother you. I don't think this is intentionally rude, some people are just thoughtless 
As for the change of life baby thing, i think this is quite a rude assumption. I like amanda's 'you bet its changed my life' response. 

[Mahdoumi]

I love my older Dad, he's led the coolest life. And I love hearing about my older Mom, she did a lot of neat stuff in her life too. As a child of "old" parents, I'd say they are awesome, and I'm sure your daughter will grow up thinking so too.

You are very kind.  I also had older parents.  My dad was also 45 when I came along, but he is my strongest role model.  Thank you for the encouragement!

[Mahdoumi]

I too am not sure why the name thing bothers you. I usually ask people what their babies names are, it has nothing to do with the parents age, i just like to put a name to a cute little face 

Yes, I really am trying to understand why it bothers me.  Thank you for the kind post.

[Calbrini]

My dad was 40 when I was born but it was never a big deal. Somehow it seems to be different for men.

[magdalena]

Congrats on the baby, Mahdoumi!!!

I can't believe people are being that strange to you.
Asking about the baby is your grandbaby... well, as it maybe could be the case, I'd just do as Cathy suggested and gently correct them. The ones making other comments... well, they're just rude and if I were you, I'd just smile sweetly and tell them that yes, she was a huge big change - for the better, as you love having her  

If it makes you feel any better, my mom was considered "terribly old" when she had me, at 32   (and I'm number 3). My MIL was 35 when she had her one and only baby, my DH. FIL was 40. We do not, in any way, feel that our parents are old.
We're both 29 now, and have no babies yet, nor do we have any on the way (a mixture of our situation and medical issues, but still).

[Sharnita]

I would use the line with people who make it clear they assume the baby was unplanned.  I don't think it should be used with people who ask if she is your grandchild.  I have parents come in to conference with me who are grandparents in their very early 30s so give thanks they aren't asking if your daughter is your great-grandchild.