Older Parents

[Brentwood]

The second is a faux pas -- almost certainly not meant to be a slight.  The fact is, at 45, you could easily have a grandchild -- so it's not that much of a stretch.  Best way to handle this one is to cheerfully (not defensively) say, "No -- she's my daughter." Believe me, the offender will be plenty embarrassed and will probably be cured of making that particular assumption in the future.

POD. My mother is 44, and a grandmother of 2. People sometimes assume she is their mother (although alot of the time i think people are being polite, just incase she IS their mother, and they don't want to offend her) , so it does work both ways.

Truly, I would much rather the assumption be that I was a child's mother rather than grandmother, and I am old enough to be a grandmother (I'm not a grandmother, but my daughter is 20!).

On election day 2006, when I was 40 and my son was almost 5, I brought him to the polling place with me so I could vote. The poll worker smiled at him and said, "Are you helping Gramma today?"

GAHHHHHHH. I hastened to let her know I'm his MOTHER.

My sister is 44. She just had her second baby two months ago (her first is three years old).

[MrsO]

I know what you mean Cathy, but I think that the assuming somebody is grandma rather than mother is thoughtless rather than intentionally rude (as annoying as it must be for you that people are making thoughtless assumptions). I've never referred to someone as grandma or grandpa when they have been a parent but if I did, I know how embarrassed i'd feel!

[snowball's chance]

The second is a faux pas -- almost certainly not meant to be a slight.  The fact is, at 45, you could easily have a grandchild -- so it's not that much of a stretch.  Best way to handle this one is to cheerfully (not defensively) say, "No -- she's my daughter." Believe me, the offender will be plenty embarrassed and will probably be cured of making that particular assumption in the future.

POD. My mother is 44, and a grandmother of 2. People sometimes assume she is their mother (although alot of the time i think people are being polite, just incase she IS their mother, and they don't want to offend her) , so it does work both ways.

Truly, I would much rather the assumption be that I was a child's mother rather than grandmother, and I am old enough to be a grandmother (I'm not a grandmother, but my daughter is 20!).

On election day 2006, when I was 40 and my son was almost 5, I brought him to the polling place with me so I could vote. The poll worker smiled at him and said, "Are you helping Gramma today?"

GAHHHHHHH. I hastened to let her know I'm his MOTHER.

My sister is 44. She just had her second baby two months ago (her first is three years old).

Cathy, from the pics I've seen, I'd never guess you were old enough to be a grandmother!

[kareng57]

The second is a faux pas -- almost certainly not meant to be a slight.  The fact is, at 45, you could easily have a grandchild -- so it's not that much of a stretch.  Best way to handle this one is to cheerfully (not defensively) say, "No -- she's my daughter." Believe me, the offender will be plenty embarrassed and will probably be cured of making that particular assumption in the future.

POD. My mother is 44, and a grandmother of 2. People sometimes assume she is their mother (although alot of the time i think people are being polite, just incase she IS their mother, and they don't want to offend her) , so it does work both ways.

Truly, I would much rather the assumption be that I was a child's mother rather than grandmother, and I am old enough to be a grandmother (I'm not a grandmother, but my daughter is 20!).

On election day 2006, when I was 40 and my son was almost 5, I brought him to the polling place with me so I could vote. The poll worker smiled at him and said, "Are you helping Gramma today?"

GAHHHHHHH. I hastened to let her know I'm his MOTHER.

My sister is 44. She just had her second baby two months ago (her first is three years old).

Cathy, from the pics I've seen, I'd never guess you were old enough to be a grandmother!

You just never know.  One of my neighbours (70+ now) was a grandma at age 39  - though this would have been fairly unusual 30 or so years ago, it wasn't 100 years ago.

I was astounded a few days ago regarding a quick conversation with another co-worker who works in another department.  She appears to be in her early 40s - but it turns out that she has five adult kids and one grand-baby.

[Brentwood]

The second is a faux pas -- almost certainly not meant to be a slight.  The fact is, at 45, you could easily have a grandchild -- so it's not that much of a stretch.  Best way to handle this one is to cheerfully (not defensively) say, "No -- she's my daughter." Believe me, the offender will be plenty embarrassed and will probably be cured of making that particular assumption in the future.

POD. My mother is 44, and a grandmother of 2. People sometimes assume she is their mother (although alot of the time i think people are being polite, just incase she IS their mother, and they don't want to offend her) , so it does work both ways.

Truly, I would much rather the assumption be that I was a child's mother rather than grandmother, and I am old enough to be a grandmother (I'm not a grandmother, but my daughter is 20!).

On election day 2006, when I was 40 and my son was almost 5, I brought him to the polling place with me so I could vote. The poll worker smiled at him and said, "Are you helping Gramma today?"

GAHHHHHHH. I hastened to let her know I'm his MOTHER.

My sister is 44. She just had her second baby two months ago (her first is three years old).

Cathy, from the pics I've seen, I'd never guess you were old enough to be a grandmother!

Thank you, but with a 20-year-old daughter, I'm definitely old enough.

[alice]

My mom was almost 44 when she had me in the 60's.  She tells the story of being in the grocery lane check out with me (I must have been fussing) when the woman in front of her said to the cashier "I think it is terrible that all these new working women go off and leave the grandparents to deal with their children"  Well, my mother was never one to mince words so she proceeded to tell the woman how woefully wrong she was and that her comments were not appreciated.

On the other hand, my sister is 22 years older than me.  In the 60's she would take me out and I would call her mommy-there she was about 24 with no wedding ring on and "stuck" with a baby.  It is a wonder she let me live.

[Warbaby]

Dad was 47 when I was born and Mom was 41.  Mom used to laugh and say I was an "accident" as she thought she was too old to get pregnant! 

They were both wonderful parents although they were cursed with some of the misconceptions of their younger years.  Dad, for instance, only had an eighth grade education and could not understand why a man would need more.  I would bet that eighth grade education would surpass what some of our high school grads have now.  Mom was strongly influenced by the writings of a doctor who bore the name of a famous breakfast food company.  Took me years to overcome some of the things they taught me!  Loved them, though and still miss them.

[LazzKat]

I'm getting in late on this one but congratulations!  What an adventure!  I'm 48 and my one-and-only daughter is 19 months.  I thought I'd already had all my fun in life and that the exciting times were behind me but I'm finding I was wrong.  This is all new and wonderful. (FWIW, Mrs. Kat  is 33.)  The upside is that at this age, I'm financially stable and better able to provide for my daughter that I could've at 23 or even 33.  My patience is infinite with her, I understand what's important and what's not.. all those things that come from having lived this long (and even pass for "wisdom" sometimes!) We're in a decent house - a far cry from living over a biker bar in that first apartment - and I've been able to pay for college ahead of time.  The down side is grey hair on me in the delivery room photos, and I'll probably be in a wheel chair with an oxygen tank at her high school graduation.  I've been asked about my 'granddaughter' when out and proudly reply "That's my daughter!"

Don't sweat the comments from loutish people.  Life's just handed you a whole new start!

[auntmeegs]

I'm getting in late on this one but congratulations!  What an adventure!  I'm 48 and my one-and-only daughter is 19 months.  I thought I'd already had all my fun in life and that the exciting times were behind me but I'm finding I was wrong.  This is all new and wonderful. (FWIW, Mrs. Kat  is 33.)  The upside is that at this age, I'm financially stable and better able to provide for my daughter that I could've at 23 or even 33.  My patience is infinite with her, I understand what's important and what's not.. all those things that come from having lived this long (and even pass for "wisdom" sometimes!) We're in a decent house - a far cry from living over a biker bar in that first apartment - and I've been able to pay for college ahead of time.  The down side is grey hair on me in the delivery room photos, and I'll probably be in a wheel chair with an oxygen tank at her high school graduation.  I've been asked about my 'granddaughter' when out and proudly reply "That's my daughter!"

Don't sweat the comments from loutish people.  Life's just handed you a whole new start!

LazzKat, what a great post and a great take on the situation.  My dad was an "older" dad too and he was, beyond having done 10000 cool things before we even came along (great stories!) and having had such an interesting life, an amazing father.  A person can be a great parent at almost any age if they want to be.

OP congrats on your baby!  Just realize that people say dumb things all the time and try not to let it bother you!

[kaybee]

i am so    took 2 yo ds to the park today with our little dog. dh also came.he was running after ds and i was sitting with dog. older lady comes up to me and says after asking a few questions about the dog--"nice that you are able to take your grandson to the park----

what the??i am 46 with no grey hair---excuse me please.

[Shoo]

i am so    took 2 yo ds to the park today with our little dog. dh also came.he was running after ds and i was sitting with dog. older lady comes up to me and says after asking a few questions about the dog--"nice that you are able to take your grandson to the park----

what the??i am 46 with no grey hair---excuse me please.

I got that a few times when my dd was a baby.  I was almost 37 when she was born, but REALLY!!  You have to wonder what century some of these people are living in!  Women these days are having their babies later in life.  What's so shocking about it!?

[Brentwood]

i am so    took 2 yo ds to the park today with our little dog. dh also came.he was running after ds and i was sitting with dog. older lady comes up to me and says after asking a few questions about the dog--"nice that you are able to take your grandson to the park----

what the??i am 46 with no grey hair---excuse me please.

I wonder if that ever happens to my sister. She is 44 and has a 3-year-old and an almost 5-month-old. She does have gray hair (it's more like streaks, and it's a very pretty shade), but I am not objective enough to know if she "looks" like a grandmother. When I look at her, I still see the teenager she once was.

When I was 40 and my son was almost 5, a woman at the polling place on election day thought my son was my grandson. I have no gray hair either.

[dawbs]

i am so    took 2 yo ds to the park today with our little dog. dh also came.he was running after ds and i was sitting with dog. older lady comes up to me and says after asking a few questions about the dog--"nice that you are able to take your grandson to the park----

what the??i am 46 with no grey hair---excuse me please.

Isn't this why the words "little one" and "kiddo" and "wee bitty" exist?

"nice you were able to bring the kiddo to the park" implies I have NO IDEA who kiddo is in rlationship to you 

[Murphy]

Mahdoumi, best wishes to you and your DH on becoming parents!

I've come in very late to this thread, I saw the 'older parents' title and my eyes lit up.   

My mother was 36 when I was born in 1981 (I'm the eldest) and she received comments similar to what you're receiving now (My dad was 37).  Throughout my schooling my parents were always the oldest in comparison to my peers and you know what? I loved it! I loved that my parents had lived interesting lives prior to my birth, that they'd travelled and enjoyed their careers.   

Continue to enjoy your new role as a mother


 

[Carrot Juice]

I also can't believe that I bristle whenever total strangers ask me her name.  Am I weird?  How do I respond?  One time, I gave a different name but felt awkward.

You know I never understood why complete strangers needed to know my childs name. I have been known to make up some weird off the wall name. Don't feel bad for making up another name, I know I wouldn't want a strange person knowing my name. Would you? 
Or on the sarcastic notch, you could simply ask them (with a smile of course) Since you are writing a book about her life, shall we set up a meeting at a more appropriate place to chat about her and her journey into this wonderful world.