Sorry that this evolved into a tome.
The first "dissatisfying" relationship
is with a woman with whom I grew up (met when we were 3yo). Her family was very good to me when I was a kid, and I returned the kindness 10-fold during our late teens/adulthood. Her younger DD is my godchild. This woman never rated highly on the etiquette scale, especially when it came to table manners, but she has evolved into a trashy, selfish and rude pig. Her laziness has given her two extraordinarily rude teenaged DDs who lack any sense of social grace. I swore two years ago after their last visit to my home that they would never, ever be invited back, again. The visit completely wore me out, both emotionally from enduring the awful behavior of the three and also from the physical demands of these guests.
I relocated to Philly and was married well over a year ago. Not once have I heard from her. However, she must have gotten wind of my contacting another woman with whom we both grew up who lives in yet another state and that I had recently given birth. Two days ago, she left a voice mail message telling me that she and her "girls" want to come to Philly to stay with us over the Christmas break. I have not returned the call, yet. I would completely ignore it, except that her younger DD is my godchild, and that has been the only reason I've kept the contact going.
I do not want these people in my new home. They are totally rude, lazy, demanding, loud, clumsy, and ungrateful. Someone will break something and I won't be reimbursed. The woman will ask me if I'm "putting on coffee" as she lies down on my sofa to take a nap. The "girls" will clomp up and down my stairs like a pair of Clydesdales until my stairs pull away from the wall. It will be assumed that I will do all cooking, or at least provide all meals since during the last visit (they invited themselves), I suggested we go halves on an order for two pizzas (because believe me, one wouldn't have been nearly enough), but the woman only had 37 cents on her. I ordered and paid for the pizzas WITH the 2-litre bottle of Coke she shouted for me to get, too. She will leave her "girls" with me for the entire weekend while she flies home for some free time, and the favor will never, never be reciprocated. She will not be interested in anything I may have to say unless I'm talking about her. She chews with her mouth open and spits food at me when she talks.
What do I do?
The second one is a little trickier. I have two SILs. One is a very close friend; the other is someone I don't care to associated with very often. The off-putting SIL has an odd manner. She, her DH (who is wonderful), and her DD (who is an adult and REALLY nasty) came to our wedding last year empty-handed. Now, I understand no gift is necessary for any gathering except a shower, and for a second wedding the B&G should never expect a gift from anyone. However. My groom is her brother. She didn't even give us a card, and yet, she and her DH left with covered trays of food and my wedding cake. I had to chase after her to get a piece to taste. She's snarky, and she talks behind my back. She totally ignores me and instead, addresses my husband or calls his cell phone or emails him to find out what's new or to invite herself to our home to see "his baby". She is the only one in his family who didn't acknowledge the wedding or the birth of our baby directly to me. It is absolutely deliberate. Her adult DD was snotty to some of my wedding guests to the point that a few of them spoke to me about it, wanting to know where she fit in on the family tree.
I already asked my DH to tell her that since I'm the one who is here all the time (he works overseas) and that I'm the one handling the baby and the day-to-day household issues and am about to go back to work full-time, she should probably call ME to arrange for a convenient time for ME to endure a visit from her (let me just say here that DH has a huge family, and I love all of them except for this bitter, jealous troll-doll of a woman). DH told me a week after I had my emergency c-section that she was coming, and it took a lot of arguing to persuade him that perhaps it wasn't the best time (she wanted to be the first sibling to see the baby. She's an idiot).
How do I keep this woman out of my house?