Rude/Funny Holiday Stories

[Monarda]

With the holidays coming up, people are getting together with family, having holiday parties, etc... With all the potential for family drama or office disasters, there must be some funny/rude holiday stories out there. Anyone care to share?

[bluhairfreak]

Well there's the story that happen last year.
  For Christmas I was given a shirt, the box labeled as coming from 2 aunts, 2 uncles and 2 cousins.  The shirt is a blue, crinkled polyester button down blouse with 3 rows of ruffles on each side, and a row of lace at the waist.  It's nice but not in anyway conceivable something I would wear(ok I think it's hideous, and it reminds me of the Puffy shirt from Seinfeld)  Later they asked me if I liked it, and I couldn't lie so I tried to cover by saying "it's interesting"  Naturally my mother and aunts picked up that I hated the blouse and immediately made my "it's interesting comment, the biggest joke of the christmas gathering.  Teasing me mercilessly and then making me try the shirt on, in short doing anything and everything to embarass me over the comment and the shirt.

And pictures of the shirt

[LB]

In my family, Christmas evening is always spent playing games at my parents house. This includes me and my sister, grandparents, aunt & uncle and my cousin. We have great time, laugh and make fun of ourselves and each other.

DH and I started dating on the 12th of December. So, on Christmas day, after we'd been dating only a couple of weeks, he came over and met all this family of mine! We're all sitting around playing one of those games where you have to guess which person gave which answer. The question was "What is one of your biggest fears?" One of the answers read was "Getting caught cooking naked." The whole room went silent, as no one could think who in the family would give this answer, but no one wanted to accuse the newcomer! Then, almost simultaneously, everyone started laughing.  Turns out, it was DH. He was just trying to fit in! It endeared him to everyone right away.

Plus, it made for a few years of interesting gifts for him from my aunt (who has a naughty sense of humor). My favorite one was when she took a hot pad that had a pocket and sewed it in *just the right place* on an apron. For protection, you see. 

[momof2bratz]

Ok I have a good one!

A few years back we were having drinks at my mum and dads house on christmas night. I had brought my friend "Laura" round for drinks, as her family had gone away for christmas, and my mum invited her to partake of the alcohol, and stay the night, instead of staying sober and driving home. We all had a good few drinks, and played a few games. As the night wore on my dad went up to bed, as he had to work early the next day. Myself, Laura and mum continued to have a drink and play cheesy games, along with my brother, his girlfriend and my aunt and uncle.

By midnight we had all had a bit too much to drink, and poor Laura was the worst of the bunch. She decided to go to bed before she went over the edge. So we directed her to the spare room and then continued the festivities amongst ourselves. Sadly, poor Laura was sooo drunk, she managed to get lost on her way to bed. She proceeded to climb into bed alongside my dad!!! My dad laughed and told her it was the biggest thrill he'd had in a long time

Poor Laura was mortified, and made her way home first thing in the morning, as she couldn't face my mum lol. My mum just told her not to worry, and she was welcome to fill in for her

[Monarda]

Ha! These are funny.

Bluhairfreak - I have that exact shirt in that color! And I have it in beige and red, and a shorter sleeve one in white! LOL... But then, it totally depends on taste/build - I love the way they look - they're sort of old fashioned and poufy.

ETA: Now that I looked more closely at the second picture, I noticed that I have a cat of the same coloring, but mine is fatter!

[Lisbeth]

Ok I have a good one!

A few years back we were having drinks at my mum and dads house on christmas night. I had brought my friend "Laura" round for drinks, as her family had gone away for christmas, and my mum invited her to partake of the alcohol, and stay the night, instead of staying sober and driving home. We all had a good few drinks, and played a few games. As the night wore on my dad went up to bed, as he had to work early the next day. Myself, Laura and mum continued to have a drink and play cheesy games, along with my brother, his girlfriend and my aunt and uncle.

By midnight we had all had a bit too much to drink, and poor Laura was the worst of the bunch. She decided to go to bed before she went over the edge. So we directed her to the spare room and then continued the festivities amongst ourselves. Sadly, poor Laura was sooo drunk, she managed to get lost on her way to bed. She proceeded to climb into bed alongside my dad!!! My dad laughed and told her it was the biggest thrill he'd had in a long time

Poor Laura was mortified, and made her way home first thing in the morning, as she couldn't face my mum lol. My mum just told her not to worry, and she was welcome to fill in for her

If I ever heard a story that would convince me of the need to not go so drunk or under the influence that I don't know where I am, this has got to be it.

Poor Laura.

[Salvage3]

Oh, my, I was given almost the same blouse --only white.  I am the non-frilly person in the family; absolutely hate frills.  Luckily, I have sister, niece and cousins who love them and I always have someone to regift, hand off to.

Rudest holiday event ever was actually at a family Easter gathering, and it was my family that was rude.  Brief background, my family is a little wierd about some things and they also hate snobbery, etc.  One of my uncles once brought new girlfriend (maybe fiancee) to Easter dinner.  My one uncle always boiled and colored the eggs and colored a few non-boiled.  Now, since the family was notorious for cracking them on their heads, etc., inevitably one or more got egg on their hair and face. 

The guest did not think this was at all funny and made her displeasure known.  Bad move on her part.  Family was also known for shoving the butter dish a little too rough when passing, so you had butter on your finger/hand.  Normally, this was a definite no-no to do to a guest.  Guess who accidently got the butter onto her hand. 

Thank goodness, they didn't get married.

And, really, we were all taught very good manners.  None of this stuff happened at Christmas or any of the really formal dinners.

[nrb80]

Smarts, and I'm the victim, but I'll sharpen my claws and consign DH's aunt to ehell....

DH's aunt is... interesting.  She is many times divorced, currently single, and has a disabled child (in a wheel chair).  It do feel sorry for her, but she tends to treat everyone like her servant and in general has a princess-y attitude.  Demands things, flakes out, refuses to answer calls, etc.  

Anyway, we're having Christmas here in the DC 'burbs.  The one thing I wanted to do was go to a show at the Kennedy center.  Apparently "handicapped accessible" means more than can get a wheelchair in - they are *amazing* but they wanted questions asked.  Auntie didn't answer calls - MIL actually forced her to do so by dialing my DH from her cell when they were together.  Auntie says that she wants to see the tree, and wants a tour of the White House.  I explain it's pretty late, and the White House tour is not easy.  She *really* wants a tour of the White House, more than anything, blah blah, with her wheelchair bound, disabled son.  Practically stamps her feet.  Okay, I'll try.  Also, Auntie decides not to stay in our guestroom and stay in a hotel - of course, MIL is driving her out, which means MIL can't fly, which she prefers.  MIL changes the dates she is planning to be here to fit Auntie's schedule.

We all know where this is going at this point :-)

I foolishly buy the tickets - including painfully expensive ones (the cheap handicapped seats were sold) for Auntie and her son.  I also then call NPS President's Park, who will have someone to assist us viewing the tree.  I call through my phone tree of girlfriends, and one does me a favor - the White House tour (at Christmas this is a huuuge deal).  All set to go.

A couple days ago, Auntie calls MIL and says she can't afford the hotel room.  At which point apparently MIL becomes pretty upset since we've gone to so much trouble and expense (and she has been put out too).  MIL offers to pay for her room.  Auntie then says who will pay for her food?  MIL reminds her I'm cooking.  Sniff, sniff, no one understands how expensive it is for Auntie to come out.  DH foolishly leaves her vmail saying she can stay with us or he will take care of her hotel room.  Unresponsive, of course :-)

MIL, again, foolishly, tells Auntie she really needs to apologize for all the help we've gotten from other people.  Auntie tells her that we should simply tell everyone her son has died, no I am not kidding you, died, and we would be absolved and the Kennedy Center would take back the tickets.

This provided a great laugh.  I rolled on the floor for twenty minutes imagining what sort of formal letter of condolence the East Wing may send out on the death of a ten year old disabled child right before Christmas.

Needless to say, we won't fake a death :-)

[Hijinks]

bluhairfreak, that could be a picture of my kitty too

[Bibliophile]

MIL, again, foolishly, tells Auntie she really needs to apologize for all the help we've gotten from other people.  Auntie tells her that we should simply tell everyone her son has died, no I am not kidding you, died, and we would be absolved and the Kennedy Center would take back the tickets.

I was nearly speechless when I read this!  (and that's not an easy thing to do...).  Holy moley!  That's just nuts!

[nrb80]

MIL, again, foolishly, tells Auntie she really needs to apologize for all the help we've gotten from other people.  Auntie tells her that we should simply tell everyone her son has died, no I am not kidding you, died, and we would be absolved and the Kennedy Center would take back the tickets.

I was nearly speechless when I read this!  (and that's not an easy thing to do...).  Holy moley!  That's just nuts!

Isn't it awful?  Earlier when MIL was speaking to me she said that Auntie would make up a medical emergency, (and darkly hinted - joking thankfully - that we could do the same).

Just the sheer idea of killing off your child to get out of a social obligation!

I have to admit to being glad they're not coming - if she does this long distance who can imagine the stories out of the actual holiday!

[pierrotlunaire0]

Okay, I was once guilty of a very rude faux pas.  It was Thanksgiving, and we were all over at my sister, Becky's house.  Somehow, there was a catalog from the local department store, and something caught my eye.  It was a glass rolling pin, filled with water, and in which small fruits and vegetables were floating around in.  "CRUD MONKEYS!," I exclaimed.  "Is that hideous, or is that just plain ghastly? Ha-ha-ha!" 

Becky gets an odd look on her face, and my other sister and my mother immediately run out into the kitchen to check the turkey.  "You don't like it?" she said, looking offended.

Uh-oh.  I have just insulted her taste.  So, to make it funny, I go over the top.  I compared it to a Fisher Price toy.  I said cows might like it.  I mocked the fact that it wasn't real fruit and vegetables.  Oh, great, cheap plastic fruits and vegetables.

It wasn't until Christmas that I learned the punch line.  Becky had bought me the thing the day before and had been showing everyone before I arrived for Thanksgiving.  She had special ordered it, and EVERYONE agreed that she won the prize for finding the perfect gift that year.  Who would guess that PierrotLunaire would completely lose it?

And the reason my mother and other sister kept running out of the room?  They were in the kitchen, laughing themselves sick.  That rolling pin is now framed on the wall as part of the family lore.

[Lexophile]

Most of you already know about last year's Thanksgiving (as Redleo12), so I won't relive THAT "happy" memory!

Growing up, Thanksgiving was always our family's favorite holiday. We were living in Hawaii when Hurricane Eva came through and knocked out the power on the base. My resourceful parents decided - no problem. My dad carved up the raw turkey and slapped it on the barbecue grill. Know what? It was delicious!!

[Redneck Gravy]

Did you see my thread a couple of weeks ago?  My sister invited my daughter & I to spend Thanksgiving weekend with her, I agreed and when I got there she was out of town???

[kajunchick]

One year my grandmother made homemade holiday candy and goodies and fixed bags for everyone as Christmas presents. (Yum! I wish she'd do that again this year.) Well, my dad and his three sisters were opening their bags and dad found an envelope in his. Inside the envelope was a check made out to one of his sisters! Dad looked up awkwardly and said, "I think I've got the wrong bag..." Mamaw had only given the one sister a check, and I guess she put it into the wrong bag of goodies.

Now, this aunt lives next door to my grandma and does a lot of her yardwork, cleans her house, and does other things to help her out. If Mamaw wanted to give her something extra as a thank-you, that's fine, but she could have given it to her at another time, not when the whole family is gathered!