Smarts, and I'm the victim, but I'll sharpen my claws and consign DH's aunt to ehell....
DH's aunt is... interesting. She is many times divorced, currently single, and has a disabled child (in a wheel chair). It do feel sorry for her, but she tends to treat everyone like her servant and in general has a princess-y attitude. Demands things, flakes out, refuses to answer calls, etc.
Anyway, we're having Christmas here in the DC 'burbs. The one thing I wanted to do was go to a show at the Kennedy center. Apparently "handicapped accessible" means more than can get a wheelchair in - they are *amazing* but they wanted questions asked. Auntie didn't answer calls - MIL actually forced her to do so by dialing my DH from her cell when they were together. Auntie says that she wants to see the tree, and wants a tour of the White House. I explain it's pretty late, and the White House tour is not easy. She *really* wants a tour of the White House, more than anything, blah blah, with her wheelchair bound, disabled son. Practically stamps her feet. Okay, I'll try. Also, Auntie decides not to stay in our guestroom and stay in a hotel - of course, MIL is driving her out, which means MIL can't fly, which she prefers. MIL changes the dates she is planning to be here to fit Auntie's schedule.
We all know where this is going at this point :-)
I foolishly buy the tickets - including painfully expensive ones (the cheap handicapped seats were sold) for Auntie and her son. I also then call NPS President's Park, who will have someone to assist us viewing the tree. I call through my phone tree of girlfriends, and one does me a favor - the White House tour (at Christmas this is a huuuge deal). All set to go.
A couple days ago, Auntie calls MIL and says she can't afford the hotel room. At which point apparently MIL becomes pretty upset since we've gone to so much trouble and expense (and she has been put out too). MIL offers to pay for her room. Auntie then says who will pay for her food? MIL reminds her I'm cooking. Sniff, sniff, no one understands how expensive it is for Auntie to come out. DH foolishly leaves her vmail saying she can stay with us or he will take care of her hotel room. Unresponsive, of course :-)
MIL, again, foolishly, tells Auntie she really needs to apologize for all the help we've gotten from other people. Auntie tells her that we should simply tell everyone her son has died, no I am not kidding you, died, and we would be absolved and the Kennedy Center would take back the tickets.
This provided a great laugh. I rolled on the floor for twenty minutes imagining what sort of formal letter of condolence the East Wing may send out on the death of a ten year old disabled child right before Christmas.
Needless to say, we won't fake a death :-)