Rude/Funny Holiday Stories

[CosmicPossum]

Ha! These are funny.

Bluhairfreak - I have that exact shirt in that color! And I have it in beige and red, and a shorter sleeve one in white! LOL... But then, it totally depends on taste/build - I love the way they look - they're sort of old fashioned and poufy.

ETA: Now that I looked more closely at the second picture, I noticed that I have a cat of the same coloring, but mine is fatter!

You have a blue cat!?!?!?!  (sorry, I just went back & looked at the picture)

[CosmicPossum]

MIL, again, foolishly, tells Auntie she really needs to apologize for all the help we've gotten from other people.  Auntie tells her that we should simply tell everyone her son has died, no I am not kidding you, died, and we would be absolved and the Kennedy Center would take back the tickets.

I was nearly speechless when I read this!  (and that's not an easy thing to do...).  Holy moley!  That's just nuts!

Isn't it awful?  Earlier when MIL was speaking to me she said that Auntie would make up a medical emergency, (and darkly hinted - joking thankfully - that we could do the same).

Just the sheer idea of killing off your child to get out of a social obligation!

I have to admit to being glad they're not coming - if she does this long distance who can imagine the stories out of the actual holiday!

What do you suppose Auntie would tell them to say next year when she wants the same thing?  He was resurrected?!?

[RainhaDoTexugo]

What do you suppose Auntie would tell them to say next year when she wants the same thing?  He was resurrected?!?

Obviously she was miraculously reunited with his long lost twin, I mean, duh!

[roselange]

This happened many, many, MANY years ago... in the late '60s.
It was the first and last time my parents ever had guests over for Christmas Day, unless they were VERY close neighbors, or friends we kids played with a lot.
A family dropped by whose father was a coworker of my dad's, from what I recall.  I must have been about 8 years old maybe? I grew up in a large family and had four older sibs.
That year, I got my very favorite talking doll -- Shrinking Violet. She was just gorgeous, and had the pull-string that made her talk.  She was dressed all in purple.  Really cute.
I digress.
With this family, I don't know if the kids or the parents were worse.
The kids ended up breaking some of our toys, and a gift bucket full of goodies was TURNED OVER upside down so that the dad could sit on it.   
(Our home had the usual sofa, chairs, etc... you know.).   
I was talking on the phone with a friend that day, holding Shrinking Violet, when one of these kids came up and pulled the talking string REALLY hard, almost breaking it. 
I was young and clueless, but I am pretty sure my parents were incredibly relieved to see that family leave.

[Felica]

Oh, yeah. Plenty.

The one that first comes to mind is my MIL asking me a couple of Christmases ago what I was getting Dh for Christmas. I told her a leather jacket but that Dh didn't know so be sure not to mention it. A friend went with me to shop for it and buy it. A week later, MIL calls while I am not home (I was on my way) but asks my DH what size jacket he wore because *She was about to buy him a leather jacket* !!! Fortunately, my same friend was there, heard the conversation, and was forced to confess my surprise to Dh so that he could call his mother back and tell her NOT to buy him a leather jacket. (And yes, I was upset my surprise was ruined, but grateful to my friend for letting Dh know, because MIL WOULD have given him HER jacket first, since we were celebrating christmas with them before Christmas day).

Last year, I invited my mother for Christmas eve dinner. She agreed to come, over and over. 24th rolls around, the agreed on time rolls around and no family. Then my mom calls and tells me she's running late because she's cooking dinner! We sat down and started eating. SHe and my dad showed up in the middle of our *re-warmed* dinner. I opened the door to let them in and then sat down and continued eating.

Then there was the friend who brought her kid over unannounced on the day we were decorating our tree (a traditional family only thing for us) and refused to take a hint and leave. Then demanded that I allow her kid to join us to decorate the tree again, the next year.

One that didn't involve me but I watched happen with my jaw hanging open was several years ago. My Uncle had bought my aunt a diamond tennis bracelet. Her brother grabbed her arm when he saw it, examined it, then sort of flung her arm away and said, "I bought MY wife one much bigger than THAT!"

[LB]

I'll tell one about myself thats pretty bad.

One year I saved my allowance for the entire year so that I could buy presents for my parents and sister on my own. Up until then, my mom had always bought something for my dad and put mine and my sisters names on it. My sister wasn't able to buy anything for my parents, so I let her put her name on the gifts I had gotten for them.

My dad opened his present and was gushing over it. He turned to my sister and gave her a big hug and thanked her. I got upset thinking he thought she got it by herself so I said "I bought it!" My mom and my sister both shushed me and I don't think my sister spoke to me for a week.

[Moralia]

OK, I'm going to chalk this one up as absentmindedness instead of rudeness or evil MIL plot...

A few years back, we're over at my in-laws' house and opening gifts. Married couples were given a "couple present." We opened ours and discovered a new coffee maker.  Which wouldn't have been at all annoying except for the fact that at Thanksgiving, we'd been talking about the new coffee maker we'd just bought. PLUS, I don't drink coffee at all.
Skip to the next Christmas and I open "our" present...ANOTHER coffee maker. (sigh)

Fortunately, it's been a couple years since then and we haven't been visited by the coffee maker elf again. I think my maniacal laughter the second year might have imprinted the fact that we are not suffering from a coffee maker shortage in her memory.

[Brentwood]

MIL, again, foolishly, tells Auntie she really needs to apologize for all the help we've gotten from other people.  Auntie tells her that we should simply tell everyone her son has died, no I am not kidding you, died, and we would be absolved and the Kennedy Center would take back the tickets.

I was nearly speechless when I read this!  (and that's not an easy thing to do...).  Holy moley!  That's just nuts!

Isn't it awful?  Earlier when MIL was speaking to me she said that Auntie would make up a medical emergency, (and darkly hinted - joking thankfully - that we could do the same).

Just the sheer idea of killing off your child to get out of a social obligation!

I have to admit to being glad they're not coming - if she does this long distance who can imagine the stories out of the actual holiday!

What do you suppose Auntie would tell them to say next year when she wants the same thing?  He was resurrected?!?

Why not? It happens alllll the time on Days Of Our Lives. 

[Brentwood]

Then there was the friend who brought her kid over unannounced on the day we were decorating our tree (a traditional family only thing for us) and refused to take a hint and leave. Then demanded that I allow her kid to join us to decorate the tree again, the next year.

I remember when you told us about that on the old board. Someday you should recount the full story again for the newbies.

[Scritzy]

Some of you already know the story of Mother and the socks. For those who don't, here goes.

Mother always asks us what we want for Christmas, and Chip always (up until then) asked for socks because (a) he goes through them like gangbusters, and (b) they are relatively inexpensive, so they won't bust Mother's budget.

A couple of years ago, Mother got the usual socks for Chip. As he was opening the package, she said, "Oh, I just know I bought the wrong kind of socks." Chip glanced at them, said they were fine, and we moved on to the next gift.

A few days later, Mother calls me. "Will you go look at Chip's socks? I'm sure I bought the wrong kind." I said, "Mother, I don't know anything about his socks. I'll check with Chip and let you know."

It turned out that she had bought the "wrong" kind (a type of sock he doesn't wear), but Chip said just let it go. They were still in the package, so he said he'd give them to charity.

Nope, Mother wasn't going to let it go. A few days later, she called again and said, "I just know I bought Chip the wrong kind of socks. He needs to give them back to me so I can go exchange them." At that point, I told Chip to call Mother back about his stupid socks. Chip, whining: "Do I have to?" Dang right you have to! So he called. I heard his end of the conversation.

"No, Helen, the socks are fine. No, I'm not going to do that. No, I don't want you to exchange them. I said they're fine. No, I am not giving them back to you!" Finally an exasperated near-scream: "Helen, it's just socks, for crying out loud! Forget it and move on with your life!" I had to leave the room — I was laughing so hard that I was afraid Mother would hear me.

Did it end there? No. Three months later I was over at her house for some reason, and as I was getting ready to leave, Mother handed me a bag. "Here, I bought some socks for Chip to replace the ones I got him at Christmas. I know I bought him the wrong kind. These are the right kind."

Chip was so put out by the whole mess that since then, he has only asked for a gift card, so he can (his words) "buy my own d*mned socks!"

But every year, we joke about getting the right kind of socks for Christmas.

[dietcokeofevil]

My parents are very generous and they really go all out for Christmas.  One year they decided to buy my nephews their own computers.  They also got them a few smaller presents too.  Oldest nephew was thrilled and very thankful.  8 year old opened his up and asked where his next present was.  When he found out he only had already ripped through all of his presents, he sat on the couch and pouted for a bit, then he came over and tried to open up my daughter's presents.  She was 4 and perfectly capable of opening her own gifts. 

I was bothered by his behavior, but I was even more upset with my brother and his wife, because they didn't say anything to him about it.

[grinningcomb]

I have a funny one.
My youngest SIL is responsible for "ruining" Christmas every year.  It all started when she was about 15 I think.  They make something called gorp every year it's a mix of raisins, chex, m&m's, nuts, other stuff that I don't remember cause I never eat it.  Well that year my SIL put in mint m&m's so it tasted different and she was told she had "ruined Christmas".  Was quite funny and every year since they have found a way to blame her for ruining Christmas.

[lovinAZ]

background info: my mom loves giving gifts.  She's horrible at it.  She always asks us what we want and might get one or two things from the list, but she'll mess that up if at all possible (for example, many years ago I had asked for the B'way recording of Phantom of the Opera - she got me highlight from PotO).

The first Christmas after moving to AZ, I went back east for the holidays.  (see if *that* happens again...)  When mom asked what I wanted for Xmas, I gave her a short list of things like [specific] books, [specific] CDs, an mp3 player, and a list of places I shop, should she want to go the gift card route.  I reminded her that everything would need to fit into my suitcase along with my clothes.

She did get me an mp3 player which I used a lot.  She also got me a jacket, a coat, a set of pasta pots, among other misc. (smaller) items.  What was she thinking???  The jacket fit in my suitcase, the coat, fortunately, didn't fit me, so I returned it ("I tried to exchange it, but there weren't any in my size...").  I gave the pasta pots to my BF at the time (we were doing the long-distance thing, so he was local-ish to them).  Sheesh.

This is the same woman who told me, a year or two prior to the above story, that I "ruined Christmas for everyone" because my Christmas Eve gig was an hour earlier than the year before - so I needed to leave at 9 instead of 10.  So if, about 6 years ago, your Christmas sucked, you can blame it squarely on me    (Didn't know I had that much power!)

[geordicat]

background info: my mom loves giving gifts.  She's horrible at it.  She always asks us what we want and might get one or two things from the list, but she'll mess that up if at all possible (for example, many years ago I had asked for the B'way recording of Phantom of the Opera - she got me highlight from PotO).

The first Christmas after moving to AZ, I went back east for the holidays.  (see if *that* happens again...)  When mom asked what I wanted for Xmas, I gave her a short list of things like [specific] books, [specific] CDs, an mp3 player, and a list of places I shop, should she want to go the gift card route.  I reminded her that everything would need to fit into my suitcase along with my clothes.

She did get me an mp3 player which I used a lot.  She also got me a jacket, a coat, a set of pasta pots, among other misc. (smaller) items.  What was she thinking???  The jacket fit in my suitcase, the coat, fortunately, didn't fit me, so I returned it ("I tried to exchange it, but there weren't any in my size...").  I gave the pasta pots to my BF at the time (we were doing the long-distance thing, so he was local-ish to them).  Sheesh.

This is the same woman who told me, a year or two prior to the above story, that I "ruined Christmas for everyone" because my Christmas Eve gig was an hour earlier than the year before - so I needed to leave at 9 instead of 10.  So if, about 6 years ago, your Christmas sucked, you can blame it squarely on me    (Didn't know I had that much power!)

The gift-giving thing sounds like my mom.  You tell her X, she'll get you A.  Like when she asked what I wanted for my birthday.  I said I'd like some help in getting one of those special lights for dealing with SAD.  She agreed!  COOL!!  Gave me fliers and all kinds of magazines with the info and had me pick one.  She said she'd get it for me and I didn't have to help pay for it.  My birthday is in February.  She called me in April to come get my present as she forgot my birthday (again.... every stinking year.  My brother's birthday is 3 days before mine and she never forgets him.)  Anyway, I go over to get my present, all happy that I'm finally getting my SAD light!

She handed me a box of new pots and pans.  My old ones were still perfectly fine.   I ended up buying my own stupid light to combat my SAD.

As for the holidays, my mom thrives on drama.  LOVES it.  Loves to get all upset and hysterical and screamy.  Me, I have some pretty bad sensory issues and can not handle the upset. I get to her house early and she expects me to cook/clean, but won't tell me what she needs done.  If I start to peel the carrots, "NO!!!  YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!!! USE THIS TOOL!   I DON'T WANT THOSE DONE RIGHT NOW ANYWAY!!!  GO DO SOMETHING ELSE!!" yet when I start to do something else, no, that's wrong too!!

[ginlyn32]

Rude Holiday: a couple of years ago, at Easter, we were at my MIL's house for dinner. My BIL made a comment about my DH having a secret affair on me.

So basicly, I told him that I was sick of that "joke" and I didn't find it funny.

He says "I was just joking"

I said "No, you weren't. You know I don't find that funny at all. Would you like it if I implied your wife was not faithful to you?"

He appoligised and shut up about it.

Ginger