leave us out of your Christmas 'newsletter'!!

[sandy]

I am glad we cut contact with this person, i mentioned in other thread. ANyone recall evil fil? Anyways, mil sent me email saying she is sending out her stupid CHristmas newletter, and shared it with me, (they have done this in the past, but it wasnt much of an issue, but this year it is bc in it she mentions how they 'must admit' it's been a disappointment that we are not spending holidays (she doesnt mention or *any* day) with them anymore, and how much they have done for us, so they 'can't help' but be disappointed.
of course, she failes to mention the reason we no longer see them...she doesnt say how fil hauled off and smacked, grabbed nephew, and then went on another occasion to terrify our daughter in one of his bully modes. She only mentions all this pleasant superifical stuff, and then amidst that mentions how they cant help but be disappointed in our lack of effort.
I requested she remove this (lie) and she said she cant, bc 'its' already written'....(as if in stone?) dh says dont worry about it...but it bothers me bc she is basically spreading a lie/ rumor about us that is totally one sided and leaves out the whole context of it.
never have told someone what to write/ not write, but to me this is really different...

[Chocolate Cake]

I'm sure that those who know them will have had enough experience with them to know that there is a whole lot more to the story than the newsletter includes.   Those that think they are blameless aren't worth your worry anyway.

[Lisbeth]

How nasty.  I don't blame you for being annoyed by this, but I agree with your DH that what she writes isn't worth worrying about unless you think people are going to believe her side of things.

[Mammavan]

I knew a woman who went through an extremely acrimonious divorce - her husband was cheating on her with her best friend, tried to cheat her out of alimony, her half of the house, and on and on.  When the details were finally settled, she sent included a long, long letter with all her cards to his family, explaining in great detail that because she had been so devastated by the divorce, she had been unable to send her normal letter the year before.  She spared no detail of the havoc the divorce had wreaked on her and her son and every aspect of her ex's infidelity.  She even sent it to his mother!  Nothing could dissuade her from mailing it, even though we tried to explain how this would make her appear.

An interesting concept - the holiday newsletter as weapon.

[demarco]

I know it's really hard to have a nasty comment about you distributed in print this way but I agree with Chocolate Cake. People who know them will consider the source and take it with a grain of salt.  The statement also makes MIL look whiney and vindictive.  If I received a Christmas letter like this, my first thought would be that the writer was a rude, nasty woman to use a Christmas letter to insult members of her own family.  It makes her look a lot worse than you. 

[ZipTheWonder]

The statement also makes MIL look whiney and vindictive.  If I received a Christmas letter like this, my first thought would be that the writer was a rude, nasty woman to use a Christmas letter to insult her members of her own family. 

It makes her look completely whacked. 

So, don't ask her to take out the lies...offer to pay the postage! 

[Bijou]

I am glad we cut contact with this person, i mentioned in other thread. ANyone recall evil fil? Anyways, mil sent me email saying she is sending out her stupid CHristmas newletter, and shared it with me, (they have done this in the past, but it wasnt much of an issue, but this year it is bc in it she mentions how they 'must admit' it's been a disappointment that we are not spending holidays (she doesnt mention or *any* day) with them anymore, and how much they have done for us, so they 'can't help' but be disappointed.
of course, she failes to mention the reason we no longer see them...she doesnt say how fil hauled off and smacked, grabbed nephew, and then went on another occasion to terrify our daughter in one of his bully modes. She only mentions all this pleasant superifical stuff, and then amidst that mentions how they cant help but be disappointed in our lack of effort.
I requested she remove this (lie) and she said she cant, bc 'its' already written'....(as if in stone?) dh says dont worry about it...but it bothers me bc she is basically spreading a lie/ rumor about us that is totally one sided and leaves out the whole context of it.
never have told someone what to write/ not write, but to me this is really different...

"Oh, a martyr!"  That's what I would think.  What the hey is wrong with this woman, airing her dirty laundry to any and every one. 

[andrea007]

I have to admit, the idea of bashing your family and friends in a Christmas newletter is new one to me...

Maybe this is where the creators of Seinfeld got the idea for the Festivus custom of denouncing another family member at the holiday dinner, and wrestling each other for the Festivus pole.

[macysnail]

i'd be tempted to send a very passive aggressive holiday letter to everyone on her christmas card list.

[Olivia]

"OK, MIL, it's already written.  However, if you leave that in there, I imagine some people are going to ask us what is going on and we will not lie.  Do you really want to open that can of worms?"

The woman sounds nuts. 

[klm75]

Same thing happened to us a few years ago.  Most of the family and friends who received it emailed to tell us that they knew it wasn't our fault. 

[Buffy2424]

DH has estranged relatives who always put us in the Christmas letter.  The weird part is that they act as thought they know me and keep in touch with us or something.  They don't outright lie but they include a short, 2 sentence update on our lives.  It's weird.  I don't even know where they get their information, but DH doesn't care at all or even read it the years it finds us. 

[roselange]

I can't fathom wanting to live such a toxic lie, but ITA w/the other poster who advised to just ignore it, basically, because the recipients probably know the true nature of the writer.  Also... just seems like such a downer to put in a holiday letter so even if someone didn't really know the author that well beforehand, 'seems they'd get a pretty good taste of them afterwards.  From my own experience with toxic individuals (LOTS!!!) the best way to diffuse them is to ignore them.  She wanted to get under your skin with this, otherwise she wouldn't have contacted you about it.  Some people sure are in wicked denial.