Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

IS this right?????

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 ??? ???

OK this is a story and a question in one post :)

Here is the story............
   When I was due to give birth the BIl and SIL and 2 nephews came to the house to help DH with our other kids. Nice you say?????? Well before they came I made sure the house could pass inspection with the white glove. Everything they could possibly need was here. I did this so they wouldn't be inconvenienced by going out. Being that they have 2 kids and one of my children is a toddler (other is 13) I completely expect a mess to occur. Hey they are kids and that is their job. Well Daughter was born and was sick so they took her to the local hospital for children. DH was great. He was at the children's hospital 2 times a day to make sure my breast milk was given to my daughter. So Dh was exhausted (was at work after 3 days off) and was upset at our daughters illness. Day came for me to get out of the hospital. I was excited to get out so I could see my other children and go see my new baby. Nothing prepared me for what I saw when I got home. Soda cans EVERYWHERE!!!! My stove has 4 burners. ALL 4 burners had pots on them. 2 of the pots had food in them that had been cooked the previous night. Also forgot........... the dishwasher was empty and the sink (double sink) was FULL of dirty dishes!!!! I lost it. I went to my room and cried. I was in no shape after a c-section to clean. Besides I wanted to see my new baby. Better yet demanding MIL was due to arrive in less than 10 hours!!!! The audacity of these people. Then when I got there about 1 hour later they left. with out cleaning anything. DH thanked them for coming and taking care of the kids. What a joke. IT was my 13 year old that had emptied the dishwasher twice and loaded the dishes twice. They did nothing but eat our food and lounge around our house. (well BIL also helped himself to some of my pain pills)

Normal people would think to at least tidy up. I didn't expect a perfect house. I am no neat freak. But for goodness sake clean up after yourselves.

Here is my ????????

When you have relatives over what is normal etiquette(sp?) I want to make sure I am not expecting too much. I mean when they get here there are appetisers and a meal. The next day there are 3 meals and snacks. The next am before they leave there is a nice breakfast. ALL COOKED MY ME!!! I don't' mind because I love to cook. It makes me happy. But NO one ever asks to help me clean up. By the time I get everything cleaned up the dinner or what ever meal is cold and everyone is relaxing. When they come they have fresh linens and as many clean towels as they need. I tell them where everything is and they have been told by me that they are welcome to use what ever they need. I am just at a loss and am tired of these ungrateful people. Please some one tell me what is proper. Is it OK for me to do the cooking then split up the cleaning tasks amongst our guests and my oldest. (the 2 year old could do it but that would make a bigger mess than anything) We do have a dishwasher and I just like the dishes to be rinsed so we don't' have food all over the dishes.
Oh one more rant...... we dint' drink coffee but we do have a coffee pot for guests. Well they make coffee witch is fine but they leave the sugar crystals that they have spilled on the counter and don't' clean them up. Then when they leave they don't' even bother to rinse out the pot and leave the grinds in the pot!!

GRRRRRRRR anyways thanks for letting me rant and for the advice!!!!

I think what's right is negotiable, and arrived at by mutual agreement.  Also, I think that in general the length of the stay is a factor.  The longer anyone stays over, the more they should do.  You should never be expected to cook all the meals and do all the housework if a guest is staying longer than two nights (others may be stricter on that than I am).

In your case, you were having a baby via C-section, and any relatives who come to stay at your place should be staying with the expectation of helping you.  Which means that they should have cleaned up after themselves at the very least.  Leaving your house that kind of a mess when you not only needed to recover but had the stress of knowing your baby was ill was unspeakably rude of them.

Your husband should be saying something to them about this post-haste.

BIL helped himself to your prescribed pain pills? OK, that would be the last time he was left in my house unsupervised.  >:(

Oh, I am so sorry.  So that I am clear, they came specifically to help with the other children while you were in the hospital delivering #3, correct?  I am having trouble seeing how anyone thought that a family of four (you said they have 2 boys) is the best option here.  Wouldn't it make more sense for just sister-in-law to come or MIL or your own mother?  I realize these might not have been options, but it seems weird to me that the entire family would come to "help" out. 

Yes all 4 of them came here. Not sure why they thought it would be such a big help to us. My Mom was suposed to come but.......... she was having some surgery and would not feel up to the flight. These people really have no clue. When they were about to leave DH and I were goign to go to the hospital to see our new baby. Well SIl had not yet seen her and wanted to go but, she wasn't wanting to stay long. What Dh wanted to do was me, dh, and SIL go to the hospital to see the baby and only stay about 15 minutes and take SIL back to our house so she and family could go home. Can you believe that??? I stood up at that point and said I wanted to stay for at least 2 hours. IF he wanted to come back at another time and pick me up fine but I was not goign to go and see her for only 15 minutes to accomidate someone else. This is my daughter I am talking about!!!

Anyways................... When they stay it usually is from friday night to Sunday afternoon. Usually we see them about once every ohter month. Since our house is big enought to accomidate all 9 of us we stay here. Sure they spend money on gas but we feed and entertain them on our dime. I just feel it is unfair of them to treat me as a slave and not even offer to help. Well, I can at least be happy that they dont' live close enough for more frequent visits. Actually DH was suposed to talk to BIL about his "problem" with helping himself to my pills (had them for my post csection) or the money that we see missing when they leave. But....... Dh is not sure how to approach them.


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