Wah - I didn't get anything!

[kakack]

Not me - another coworker.  Our department has a big holiday breakfast every year, and each group in the department contributes a gift basket.  These can be pretty elaborate - lots of wine, gourmet foods, etc.  Well, I was in charge of my group's gift basket this year.  So I sent out reminder emails to everyone for the deadline to contribute to the gift basket at least 3 times, and we had a 3 week window to fill up the basket.  I even decorated the basket, as well as contributing, so I probably spent about double what everyone else did.

After the basket exchange (similar to a gift exchange along with some limited stealing of baskets), we divided up the goodies.  Everyone that contributed was allowed to pick some things from the basket.  Well, one coworker didn't contribute anything is now very hurt and upset that she wasn't allowed to pick anything out of the basket that we won.  Sorry, but why should you?  Oh, but no one bothered to explain the rules to her - even though she's been an employee longer than I have - I figured it out!  It's common sense!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!  I think someone else gave her a small token that they had picked after she started the woe is me deal - I wouldn't have.

[Kaire]

We have a raffle drawing at our holiday party and any time there is something with the Chicago Cubs on it, we have a woman who basically claims the raffle if rigged if she doesn't win the item.

The raffle items have boxes in front of them, so if you like something, you put your tickets in that box.  I think this year i might have to put some tickets in the Cubs item box because I'd love to win it just to give to my boyfriend's son who's a fan.

[jais]

Some people just don't think/care.

[Bijou]

I don't know.  It wouldn't make me feel better not allowing her to chose something since it sounds like there were more items than people.  Yes, she should have contributed, but maybe there was a valid reason she couldn't.  I would have shared with her, too. 
Actually this basket thing can be kind of iffy, if you ask me, because how do you keep track of who brought great stuff and who brought cheap stuff?  Is there a limit you have to go by?  Like nothing less than five dollars? 

[Twik]

Yes, she should have contributed, but maybe there was a valid reason she couldn't.  I would have shared with her, too. 

Exactly what reasoning would be behind that? If I had a "valid reason", say, why I couldn't contribute to a pot luck, I wouldn't go around moaning that I wasn't invited to partake of what everyone else had brought. This wasn't a charity affair.

I think it would be a bad idea for the OP's colleagues to start a lottery group - she'd not contribute, but demand her share of any winnings they got.

[Bijou]

Yes, she should have contributed, but maybe there was a valid reason she couldn't.  I would have shared with her, too. 

Exactly what reasoning would be behind that? If I had a "valid reason", say, why I couldn't contribute to a pot luck, I wouldn't go around moaning that I wasn't invited to partake of what everyone else had brought. This wasn't a charity affair.
I think it would be a bad idea for the OP's colleagues to start a lottery group - she'd not contribute, but demand her share of any winnings they got.

Hopefully people would be as kind to you as that employee was to this woman, and invite you to eat, anyway. 

Her valid reason could be anything...medical stuff, extra expenses, family problems...the kinds of things people may not talk about...Sure, she could just be a freeloader...neither of us will ever know, will we?  Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it.

[cupcakeLove]

Hmm, I'd be tempted to say "You're right, that is unfair. Why don't you take a gift from one of the people who did contribute?"

In reality, if she complained to me, i'd put on my sympathetic face, say "Oh no?" and change the topic or walk away.

[ZipTheWonder]

I would feel horrid guilt if I took something from a drawing or gift exchange or potluck or anything similar if I hadn't contributed.  It just wouldn't feel right.  It surprises me that someone would even feel comfortable raising an objection to being excluded from the drawing when they knew, for whatever reason, they had excluded themselves from the contributions. 

It may very well have also been a hardship on some of those who did contribute. 

[Bijou]

I agree with your point about a regular gift exhange, where each person brings a gift for one other person, in which case it would be wrong for that woman to participate.   As I understand it, this was a competition among several tables of people for gift baskets that were filled with more items than people at the table, so that each person could choose not one, but a few items.  As such, they could afford to be generous, in the moment.  They had some leeway in what they were doing and I see nothing wrong with using it, as when that one woman shared her gifts with the complainer.
And next time, as a planner, I would be sending out an email of rules, including how to ensure your participation.

[Tabris]

You must work with the parent of several of the kids at the karate party, who after being told three times that kids who didn't put a gift into the grab-bag don't get to take one, took one anyhow. And yes, the parents were there and should have told their kids to put the gift back if they didn't get one.

These rules were sent home on the same piece of paper as the one informing people that the party was taking place at all. Why is it that people are capable of understanding "party begins at four" and "get a gift" but don't understand "if you brought a gift."

So yeah, at the end, there are kids still in line to get gifts and no more gifts in the bag. Nice going, jerks. (The karate instructors don't help matters by having extra gifts on hand, btw. I think they should figure out who were the culprits and strip them of their belts, since "honesty" and "integrity" are two of the school values.)

[Nuala]

Everyone that contributed was allowed to pick some things from the basket.  Well, one coworker didn't contribute anything is now very hurt and upset that she wasn't allowed to pick anything out of the basket that we won.

Does she have a son who didn't want to participate in a choir at a Disney park, by any chance?

[majorboredom]

Ok, so let's suppose she had a valid reason for not bringing in a gift.  That is fine, OP say it was optional, so if she can't participate, it's no problem. 

But the problem starts when she thinks she is entitled to get a gift, even thought she didn't bring one.  There are no life-saving medical devices in the boxes (I hope...), she didn't NEED anything that could be in there.  She just wanted something.  I've been forced to sit out things like this, and it never hurt me.  She needs to stop complaining and get over it.  It's people like this that ruin it for everyone who does participate.

[Brentwood]

If I had been unable to contribute to the gift basket, pride would have prevented me from attempting to participate in taking from the gift basket. I would have said nothing. If anyone had noticed I wasn't participating and offered me one of their own gifts, I would be touched, but very embarrassed.

[Twik]

Yes, she should have contributed, but maybe there was a valid reason she couldn't.  I would have shared with her, too. 

Exactly what reasoning would be behind that? If I had a "valid reason", say, why I couldn't contribute to a pot luck, I wouldn't go around moaning that I wasn't invited to partake of what everyone else had brought. This wasn't a charity affair.
I think it would be a bad idea for the OP's colleagues to start a lottery group - she'd not contribute, but demand her share of any winnings they got.

Hopefully people would be as kind to you as that employee was to this woman, and invite you to eat, anyway. 

Her valid reason could be anything...medical stuff, extra expenses, family problems...the kinds of things people may not talk about...Sure, she could just be a freeloader...neither of us will ever know, will we?  Frankly, I wouldn't worry about it.

She "could" be just a freeloader? She expects people to give her presents but not give them anything - I think that's the definition of a freeloader.

Sure, she could be barely scraping by financially and couldn't contribute (although hey, maybe some of the other people in the group weren't rich either, and did some scrimping to come up with their contribution). In that case, though, the dignified thing is to accept that you won't be part of the basket-recipients.

Honestly, it's completely entitlement-minded. It's just like whining about why do people with MONEY (or friends and family with the same) get nice presents at Christmastime, when poor people don't? Because that's the way it is.

[CaliGirl12]

Not me - another coworker.  Our department has a big holiday breakfast every year, and each group in the department contributes a gift basket.  These can be pretty elaborate - lots of wine, gourmet foods, etc.  Well, I was in charge of my group's gift basket this year.  So I sent out reminder emails to everyone for the deadline to contribute to the gift basket at least 3 times, and we had a 3 week window to fill up the basket.  I even decorated the basket, as well as contributing, so I probably spent about double what everyone else did.

After the basket exchange (similar to a gift exchange along with some limited stealing of baskets), we divided up the goodies.  Everyone that contributed was allowed to pick some things from the basket.  Well, one coworker didn't contribute anything is now very hurt and upset that she wasn't allowed to pick anything out of the basket that we won.  Sorry, but why should you?  Oh, but no one bothered to explain the rules to her - even though she's been an employee longer than I have - I figured it out!  It's common sense!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!  I think someone else gave her a small token that they had picked after she started the woe is me deal - I wouldn't have.

This reminds me of the post about the kid who opted out of the extra choir performance (where performers got a gift from the venue) and then mommy came in complaining afterwards that Jr. should get a gift too...

 I've just made a decision- entitlement is my new official pet peeve!