Cast him into the flames????

[LuckyDucky]

RedNut has provided this story and we are still shaking our heads about it. 

RedNut's best mate (who shall be named BM for convenience purposes) decided he was going to host a big game playing extravaganza.  He was going to borrow TV's, hook up 4 Xbox 360's and play team games.  He invited 15 people.  Trophies were made, excited conversations were had, dates were tentatively set (before February - Last year of Uni - RedNut is officially becoming a hermit).  No etiquette violations yet.

Then the question of catering arose.  BM decided that every person attending should have to pitch in $20 to cover food and drinks (alcoholic or not).  He notified everyone of this decision.  Now he is surprised that no one wants to come. People he invited include: 2 teenage boys with no jobs, other teenagers who are earning peanuts and for whom $20 is a lot of money and RedNut's cousin who just lost his job. As far as RedNut is concerned (me too!) if you are throwing a big bash for 15 people, the provision of food and non-alcoholic drinks is the responsibilty of the host.  If the guest wants to bring a particular thing, all the better.  But expecting people to pitch in $20 to play games? 

So he has given up all together, because everyone is being "selfish and stupid" for not wanting to fork over the cash.  I am going to have to buy some earplugs, because the whining and sulking is going to start....

Is he being unreasonable and a bad host? Or is everyone else just tightfisted?

[Gigi]

Where is this party-as-fundraiser thing coming from?  15 guests @ $20.00 each = $300.00.  That's a lot of snacks and soft drinks!

He can suggest a games get-together/potluck where everyone brings something to share, but that's a whole different thing than charging a fee.

You have my permission to use the pitchfork. LOL

[Hawkwatcher]

Have you explained to your friend that if he his going to charge for food and drink, he might as well open a restaurant?  For $20 each, his friends could probably have a nice meal with a drink.

[Evil Duckie]

You might want to let BM in on a secret. If you decide to host the party you get all the expenses.

If you decide that you can't afford the expenses for the party you have two choices: 1- scale down you plans till you can afford them or 2- cancel the party.

[RoseRose]

I can almost... ALMOST see his side.

When I was in high school, my friends and I would have tabletop RP gaming sessions (Dungeons and Dragons) with my dad being the Dungeon Master.  Because three of the players lived at our house, the sessions were held there.  We provided snacks and drinks, though people often brought there own.  These sessions lasted through dinner, and we switched off between providing dinner, and having people bring money for pizza... on the order of 2-3 dollars.  That's where it's different.  The money was reasonable for the food provided, and it wasn't a "hosted party" persay, but rather a joint get-together at the most convienient place.

So, I guess I'm saying if it was a regular guy get together, it may not be as bad to ask for a REASONABLE amount of money... but this sounds like a one-time party, which is a whole different situation.

[Sharnita]

it sounds like his place is the most convenient so his "hosting" is the only way this might happen. that having been said, have people bring a drink to pass and if they want alchohol, maybe they can provide their own. If I were a teen I'd be angry that my money was going to buy the oldies booze. In fact, as someone who doesn't drink very much I'd find it a pain at any age.

[LuckyDucky]

BM justifies the amount by stating that he will have to buy more controllers, rent additional copies of the games and, get this, pay for the extra electricity being used.  Again, if you want to have a big expensive party, make sure you can afford it.

We host games nights every now and again, and we would never think of charging our guests.  If we have the money to feed X number of people, we invite X number of people.

BM has a history of being a shoddy party planner.  He was in charge of RedNut's bachelor party (BM stands for Best Man as well as Best Mate).  He waited until RN was in the final month of uni, left the planning until 2 weeks before the party date, and booked the event for a pre determined number of people without drawing up a guest list first and sending out invites.  He then proceeded to dump the invitation making onto RedNut and refused to call my side of the family to invite them.

[VorFemme]

BM has a history of being a shoddy party planner.  He was in charge of RedNut's bachelor party (BM stands for Best Man as well as Best Mate).  He waited until RN was in the final month of uni, left the planning until 2 weeks before the party date, and booked the event for a pre determined number of people without drawing up a guest list first and sending out invites.  He then proceeded to dump the invitation making onto RedNut and refused to call my side of the family to invite them.

Okay - if I get the definitions correct - he is acting like a berk (repeated instances of poor planning - possibly congenital stupidity) rather than a pillock (one massive failure to plan ahead).  But I'd say that he is in the flames, no chocolate bar, no marshmallows, and no whole wheat slightly sweetened flat "crackers" to make S'mores (*which we do grant the occassional person who recognizes that they had a short circuit in their brain and who apologizes sincerely while promising never to do it again).

*  These are usually Etiquette Hell posters who recognize the errors of their ways - rather like members of Alcoholics Anonymous or Gamblers Anonymous - they have confessed, made restitution where possible, and go forth determined NOT to commit another etiquetter error, today**.

**  Yes, I did rather swipe that phrasing from Captain Kirk............

[IndianInlaw]

Seeing that the guests are males in their teens and early twenties, I'm sure most, if not all of them, have their own controllers and copies of popular games.

 

[Peaches737]

I had the same experience for a Halloween party.  The host asked for $20 to cover the food.  We declined, and I had words with him later.  I was pretty blunt with him, as it wasn't a "smores" offense.  (I like that, BTW)

"Dude, if I'm paying a cover charge, there better be a band."

The rest was not said..

 I don't pay covers at nightclubs (I don't go), and rarely more than $10 at a place with live music.  I'm not paying $20 for a potluck that is BYOB.  For $20 we saw the LEGENDARY BB King play in a national park, and got to bring our own picnic.  Your halloween party doesn't rate, dude.

[twinkletoes]

Oh, good grief.

As someone else pointed out, I'd think the guests would already have controllers of their own that they could just bring with, so why couldn't they just bring their own.

I just asked my husband, who likes playing RPGs, what he thought of this.  He said that if the host guaranteed he would be fed (i.e., the host mentioned having snacks out, ordering pizza at one point, and maybe Chinese food later on), then that would be ok.  But the way it's written in the OP sounds like the host is just out to make a buck.

[LuckyDucky]

I really don't think BM thought about the logistics of planning such an event.  Xbox 360's are really expensive to buy, and out of the 16 gamers only 3 have them.  so that's about 6 controllers to share between 16 people.  He assumed that people are going to want to get totally rat-faced drunk, which is not a good idea if you actually want to win the games (according to my gamer husband). As for the food, i understand asking people to pitch in a few dollars for pizza (currently $4.95 each here), but he expects the guests to pay not only for their dinner, but all the snack food, softdrinks, & the alcohol. 

RN told him that he can't expect people to shell out for EVERYTHING. If they want to drink, make it BYO, chip in a few bucks for pizza, etc.  But BM threw a hissy and the whole thing is off.

The alcohol thing has me baffled.  Why would you want to get drunk if you are trying to win games?  Wouldn't you want your hand-eye coordination to be precise?   Mind you BM is the type that can't have a good time unless he's drinking...

[IndianInlaw]

Maybe the games were secondary to getting wasted.

[LuckyDucky]

IndianInlaw,

I think you might be right.  We are beginning to notice a trend in BM's parties & indeed any social event.  RN was invited over on a Monday night "for games and a few drinks".  When RN declined the drinks, BM told him not to bother coming over at all.

It's a bit disappointing if it was all just an excuse to get really drunk.  Especially since he was planning on inviting underage teenagers (legal drinking age - 18). 

[FoxPaws]

Along with hosting tips, you may want to school BM on the law regarding purchasing alcohol for minors. I know you don't live in the U.S., but I imagine your local authorities frown upon this practice as well. (And no, the cops probably aren't going to show up at the party, but when junior is stumbling home obviously intoxicated, and the beat cop asks where he got the booze.....)