• May 24, 2018, 03:33:06 AM

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Author Topic: Giving lots of Christmas presents to family, and only receiving one in return?  (Read 21867 times)

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shhh its me

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   OP your perfectly right to tone down the gifts considerable , as in a box of candy for each household.

  I do want to point out the otherside though especially since this started when OP was a child she may have not been part some conversations.
How do you tell someone to stop giving expensive gifts to you?.....Sure I would say " let's not exchange gifts/ expensive gifts" or something like it but I wouldn't repeat myself year after year at some point if I'm just going to start giving you trinkets and not be pressured by the priced of the gift you give to set my budget.
 Multi-generational family dynamics can complicate things too but I'll try to lay out a possible timeline.... I bought my niece something nice and something for her parents and her parents  bought me and my child something , the following year I do the same but I and my child receive a gift for both  niece and her parents and, next year I buy niece and parents sometime and a token gift for niece from my child.  Does that make sense so far? A few years later niece is an adult an even though for years my child(also an adult and even married with his own child by now) has been given her token gifts she gives more and more extravagant gifts to my child and his family.  What does my married adult son do? he has been graciously accepting gifts he just hasn't followed niece's lead by upping the ante. He is not sure if he should tell her to stop giving gifts , after all your not suppose to tell someone how to give or not give gifts or appear ungrateful. The gifts are making him feel uncomfortable. He also doesn't think it's right that his cousin should be able to unilaterally obligate him to spend $200 on her for Christmas. Especially since for 6 years( since she has been an adult) he has given her no indication he wants to exchange gifts of that level and he has actually made it clear he only wants to give token gifts and each year she just seems to spend more and more.

Next year, have him make a pre-emptive strike.  In November, or maybe even October, he proposes that everyone just give "token" gifts.  Make it sound as if this were a suggestion that everyone has been making.

Sorry I might not have been clear that was hypothetically, just pointing out it may not be lazy that they don't give bigger gifts they be trying to conduct " small gifts only" and since OP was a child it may have been clearly stated several times to her parents at 12 , OP would need her parents permission to earn money or be spending her allowance.  While I personally would speak to OP I can see the possibility that someone else may not know how to have that conversation politely might feel they were being rude to speak of it.