Opening gifts in front others who are non-recipients - were they rude, and was I

[kingsrings]

Last year, I spent Christmas Day at the house of two close friends of mine - the house owner, and her roommate. I arrived there about late afternoon, and so did the other guest who was invited. First thing on the agenda - the two occupants opening the gifts they had for each other and that they had received from their family members and other mutual friends in our social circle. Myself and the other guest had already exchanged gifts with them at another day and time, so we had nothing to do then. I thought it might be helpful and fun for me to help out and hand out their gifts to them from their gift table, which was almost overflowing with the gift bounty. I told the other guest to help me, so he did, and we handed out the gifts at the ok of the roommate. The house owner objected (after the fact), saying that she had a family tradition thing of gift-opening that she wanted to implement then (it involved opening gifts in some special order), so I had just 'ruined' that for them. I pointed out that I didn't know that, that I was just trying to help and be a part of things. I mean, what we myself and the other guest supposed to do - sit there and twiddle out thumbs?? I had done the exact same thing in the past when at someone's house and they were opening gifts for and from each other in front of me. In fact, they always asked me to so I didn't feel left out or was bored.

So, was I rude? And were they rude for opening gifts in front of us like that when we weren't a part of it? Not only that, but I also got to see what they had received from other mutual friends, and most of it had paled in comparison to what I received from these friends. (Example: I received some little trinket from said friend, while owner and roommate received substantially more each). While these friends can buy whatever for whomever they please to, it hurt my feelings to see that home owner and roommate had received much more substantial gifts from them than I did.

I just don't feel that an activity should take place if it isn't something that can be mutually shared amongst everyone present. Am I right?

[housewife2k]

One-it was rude to open gifts in front of you.
Two-if the homeowner wanted to institute some tradition, she should have said something immediately.

[JordanX]

The house owner objected (after the fact), saying that she had a family tradition thing of gift-opening that she wanted to implement then (it involved opening gifts in some special order), so I had just 'ruined' that for them.

What?!  That is the cherry of obnoxiousness on the cake of rudeness you experienced.

Who wants to watch someone else open presents, anyway (when it's not a shower or a mutual gift exchange--honestly, it's hard to tolerate even then)?  Why on earth did they need to wait until you got there to show off their gifts, anyway?  It sounds like the gift opening could have happened at any other time, and they were just waiting for an audience to, what, taunt?  Nyah, nyah, look at all my presents 

[Hawkwatcher]

Yes, they were rude.  They should either opened their gifts before you arrived or after you left, especially since they had this tradition.  From what you have described, this tradition sounds like it might be time consuming.  Considering that watching other people open their gifts is really not that exciting to begin with, I cannot imagine expecting anyone to sit around patiently waiting for me to open my gifts in a special order. 

A good host or hostess also tries to make his or her guests feel comfortable as much as possible (within reason). Excluding your guests or chastising them is not making them feel comfortable.

[kingsrings]

Yes, they were rude.  They should either opened their gifts before you arrived or after you left, especially since they had this tradition.  From what you have described, this tradition sounds like it might be time consuming.  Considering that watching other people open their gifts is really not that exciting to begin with, I cannot imagine expecting anyone to sit around patiently waiting for me to open my gifts in a special order. 

A good host or hostess also tries to make his or her guests feel comfortable as much as possible (within reason). Excluding your guests or chastising them is not making them feel comfortable.

Tell me about it!! The description and definition of this age-old family tradition was VERY time consuming. I think the other guest and I would of fallen asleep waiting for them to complete it.

[bopper]

I think it is odd if the two roommates were the only ones who were exchanging gifts that they would wait until you got there until they opened them. 

[Bijou]

You were not at all rude to offer to hand out the gifts.  All they had to say was no.
They were horribly rude to invite you over and then open their gifts in front of you.  Even if you had just dropped by they should have waited until they were alone.  I cannot stand it if someone in a group has no gift and others do.  I always think of the little girl, maybe about 11, who came with a relative to a Christmas party where everyone was getting a gift...except for this kid.  And the person who brought her, when someone expressed concern about this, said, "Oh she doesn't care"  The heck she didn't.  What 11 year old wouldn't be hurt by being left out.  It makes me feel like I want to run away.  Same way with eating in front of people.  I just won't do it.  I always have extra gifts under the tree so no one goes without a gift.  I know I can't save the world, but I can try to make sure people at my house have a gift under the tree.

[cjeanies]

That's really horrible.  Why would they think you would want to sit around and watch that?  I'll admit I'm always somewhat curious about what other people get, but I would never want to watch another household open gifts to each other one.by.one.  I would feel left out and extremely bored at the same time.  They should have known better.  And then they chastised you when you tried to get involved somehow?  That's just really bad that they INVITED you for this.  They were definitely rude.

[ganjin]

It also seems odd that you had all already had your four-person mutual gift exchange, when you were all going to be together for the actual holiday itself.     And they seemed to have waited all day (judging by your and other guest's late-afternoon arrival) just to let you bask in the light of their popularity.

I hope you're celebrating with a more congenial group this year.

[jaxsue]

Definitely rude.

Way back when DH and I were newlyweds, pre-kids, we stupidly went along with MIL's holiday plans (for a few yrs in a row). We'd go to her friend's home and watch friend's daughter (adult only child, spoiled beyond belief) open her dozens of gifts. Yes, she had to have an audience! Friend spent hundreds of dollars on daughter, and every bit of clothing was not to daughter's liking.  OTOH, DH and I were used to much more humble Xmases, having parents with limited funds.

Why DH and I put up with this, I don't know. Unfortunately, when I got involved with him his social life was pretty much his parents (red flag that I stupidly ignored), and trying to be nice I complied. If only I'd grown a spine sooner!