Author Topic: When did guests = money  (Read 2802 times)

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Evil Duckie

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When did guests = money
« on: January 29, 2007, 11:03:03 AM »
I have see more and more that people are thrilled to invite people over as guests for dinner or a party, but then as long as the "guests" pays $$ for the honor of showing up. I have seen this more and more since last autumn.

I have seen this from children's parties to 50th anniversary parties to being asked over for dinner.

When did this become acceptable to even consider asking guests to pay for your hospitality?

I turn these "invitations" down, but I am wondering when did the mind set of people change?

HogwartsAlum

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2007, 11:28:10 AM »
Merriam-Webster online defines a guest as:
1 a : a person entertained in one's house b : a person to whom hospitality is extended  c : a person who pays for the services of an establishment (as a hotel or restaurant)

Nowhere does it say "a person who pays for hospitality in one's house."

It's not acceptable.  It never will be, no matter what the wedding industry (and it IS an industry) says.  It's rude. 

kingsrings

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2007, 12:38:12 PM »
Some people just can't handle the concept of what they feel is something for nothing. They get no joy what so ever out of simple hospitality and must be re-imbursed back for everything, I guess. In the past few weeks I have gone to several dinners at someone's house and have always asked first whether they wanted me to bring something for dinner. These are casual, weekly get-togethers where my friends gather to eat dinner and then watch Sci-Fi shows. I've always been turned down on bringing something, and we've always had more than enough food left over, so I am glad that I didn't bring an extra something 'just because'. Another friend of mine once in a while will invite us over to her place for lunch after church. She cooks scores of food for us and her two rules are, you are not allowed to bring anything (don't even ask!), and don't RSVP, just show up, the more, the merrier. She gets such joy out of serving us, that if someone were to bring something, it would put a damper on her joy. This is what hospitality truly is, and unfortunately I think it's becoming a lost art in today's society.

Twik

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2007, 01:24:42 PM »
I think part of it is that a lot of people don't learn about entertaining from their parents, they learn about it now while having their own parties school/university.

A bunch of "starving undergrads" may well have difficulty throwing a full party (particularly with alcohol) for all their friends. So, the tradition arose of the "X will have the room, everyone else chips in with the food/booze/etc., so that no one suffers a real financial drain". That works, because there's no other choice.

Then, when they graduate, and get paying jobs, they don't realize that things have changed; since they can afford to host their friends, they should no longer expect their friends to bear the financial burden of the event. Of course, some people, with reasonable senses of generosity, will skip this stage, or at least flit through it quickly. The more entitled folks will be stuck there indefinitely.
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Hawkwatcher

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2007, 12:26:09 AM »
Unfortunately, I am afraid that this is not a new true trend.  When I was growing up during the 1980s, my parents were part of an organization that held an annual meeting at one person's house.  The woman who agreed on holding it insisted that it would not only be a potluck dinner  where everyone brought a dish but she also charged everyone $5.00.  What was the $5.00 for?  She decided to make chili and because meat was so "expensive," she wanted her guests to fork over $5.00.

Brentwood

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2007, 11:52:42 AM »
I have see more and more that people are thrilled to invite people over as guests for dinner or a party, but then as long as the "guests" pays $$ for the honor of showing up. I have seen this more and more since last autumn.

I have seen this from children's parties to 50th anniversary parties to being asked over for dinner.

When did this become acceptable to even consider asking guests to pay for your hospitality?

I turn these "invitations" down, but I am wondering when did the mind set of people change?

What? People ask for money in dinner invitations? I have never heard of such a thing. A guest is a GUEST! (Which, by the way, reminds me of a peeve - the growing trend of calling store customers "guests." I am not a "guest" when I go to Target. If I were a "guest", I wouldn't have to pay for anything!)

IndianInlaw

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2007, 12:19:57 PM »

Along those lines, the patrons of the local amusement park are called guests, even when they pay $30 to get in.

They charge their "guests" $3 for a drink of water, unless you can find one of their few drinking fountains.

At least the rest rooms are free.

Hawkwatcher

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2007, 12:24:19 PM »
Are amusement parks still charging for water?  I thought they got in trouble when some of their "guests" got sick from dehydration.

outcastspice

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2007, 01:12:42 PM »

littlelauraj

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Re: When did guests = money
« Reply #9 on: January 30, 2007, 02:59:32 PM »
I agree with Kingsrings that some people just cannot find joy in entertaining others.  I don't know about whether it's a trend as far as trying to get people to pay for their dinners or such-but I have found it's a trend in general that people seem to get joy from giving of themselves less and less. 

I learned my sense of hospitality from my great-grandmothers, both of whom I was lucky to still have into my 20's.  One great-grandma was the consummate hostess-she lived in her own home until she was 94, and no matter when you arrived she wanted you to sit down and eat.  She would hobble around the kitchen on her two canes, just as happy as a lark, heating up whatever she could find.  One of the bottom cabinets had a huge Tupperware container of cookies that was always full and woe to the parent who tried to get the kids to stop eating cookies!  That's what they were there for, and well within reach, to boot.

The other great-grandma lived right accross the street from the first and she *never* cooked anything that I ever saw, although she did once show up at a family dinner with a pie.  No, this lady would be out the door too fast for you to take off your coat so that you would have the privelege of taking her out.

Between the two of them I learned early on how to host, and how *not* to host.  Even in the darkest days of my self-involved youth guests were treated like royalty, or as close as budget would allow.

Why, just yesterday afternoon my neighbor (the good one) stopped by to look through some books I had offered to her.  Now, I figured on seeing her so I had brewed a fresh pot of coffee, and put out the cream and sugar (because she takes them).  If she hadn't shown up I would have put the cream away-she wondered out loud about how I always seem to have coffee going.  I had to tell her I made it *for* her.  I wouldn't dream of even having a neighbor in for a couple of hours without making a pot, or offering something else to drink!

Now that I know better, I can start charging her a quarter per cup.   ;)