"Don't send me any Christmas Gifts!"

[EddiesMom]

As I've posted here before, I have some delightfully toxic family members...among them my mother and Dear Brother. 

DB has gone out of his way to cause trouble for me over another family issue.  So much trouble that the local police department have issued a warrant for his arrest.  But that's another story.

DB had a message passed to me that he did not want me to send Christmas cards or gifts to him, our mother, or his family.  That's all well and good.  Why on earth would I spend time and money choosing a gift that will not be welcomed? 

However, I don't think he told mother about this.  Mother is...well, let's be polite and refer to her as entitled.  I have no doubt that on Christmas Day I shall receive a phone call from her crying that I am an awful daughter because I failed to send her a card or gift.  I fully intend to reply that I am honoring a request made by DB, and that if she's upset, she needs to take it up with him.

Naturally, mother will not believe one of her golden children, DB, said such a thing.  My planned response is to tell her that she doesn't have to believe me.  She is more than welcome to call the Law Enforcement Center and ask her local Police Chief, who was kind enough to pass DB's message on to me.  Then I shall hang up.

Nope, Norman Rockwell doesn't live here.   
     

[Shoo]

Why, exactly, do you have to honor your brother's wishes in this matter?

She's your mother too.  Or is there some reason you don't want to send her a card or a gift that has nothing to do with your brother?

I'm coming from the viewpoint that you don't take orders from your brother.  Who does he think he is telling you that you can't send your own mother a gift?

[Tabris]

I fully intend to reply that I am honoring a request made by DB, and that if she's upset, she needs to take it up with him.

Er, no. Either you don't give your mom a gift because YOU don't want to, or you give your mom a gift because you do. Your brother has no say in the congress between you and your mother.

Don't send him anything. Fine. But unless the message comes to you that your mother wants no gifts *from your mother* then act as if you never heard it. The guy didn't even say it to you directly.

Send her flowers or something you're not emotionally invested in, and be done with it.

[Hawkwatcher]

Did the police advise you not to send a gift?  Does your mother live with your brother and are you afraid that she will never receive the gift?  Are you afraid that your brother will try to harm you or her if you send the gift?

If the answer to these questions is "no," go ahead and send her a gift if you want to send her a gift.

[andrea007]

Why, exactly, do you have to honor your brother's wishes in this matter?

She's your mother too.  Or is there some reason you don't want to send her a card or a gift that has nothing to do with your brother?

I'm coming from the viewpoint that you don't take orders from your brother.  Who does he think he is telling you that you can't send your own mother a gift?

What she said!
Why are you following "orders" from your brother?
I stopped doing that when I was 6! ..... No, maybe 4!

[EddiesMom]

Several of you have asked why I am following my brother's wishes.  The answer is perhaps neither polite, nor correct etiquette-wise. 

DB is one of my mother's two golden children.  In her eyes, he's never done anything wrong.  She is aware of his harassment of me, and supports it. 

In addition, the police officer I have been working with advised me to have no contact with either DB or mother. 

So yes, I am being snarky.  You know what?  It feels good! 

[Tabris]

The answer is much better than "my brother made me do it."  If your mother pitches a fit, tell her that the nice police man advised you not to have any contact with her, and oh by the way, this phone call needs to be terminated now. Have a nice Christmas and goodbye, Mom.  

Don't even involve your brother. It's your decision and the fact that your brother happened to give the advice you were already planning to take is absolutely beside the point, as if I were to tell you I had banned you from going to Saturn. 

[EddiesMom]

The answer is much better than "my brother made me do it."  If your mother pitches a fit, tell her that the nice police man advised you not to have any contact with her, and oh by the way, this phone call needs to be terminated now. Have a nice Christmas and goodbye, Mom.  

Don't even involve your brother. It's your decision and the fact that your brother happened to give the advice you were already planning to take is absolutely beside the point, as if I were to tell you I had banned you from going to Saturn. 

*giggles*

I can't go to Saturn?  But I bought the tickets already! 

[Tabris]

Nope. I've also "banned" you from sending a squirrel to the West Cupcake Municipal library and eating sticks covered with banana oil.

Seriously, why even listen to your brother? So he "ordered" you not to do something you already weren't going to do. Big whoop. I wouldn't even involve him. Just fail to send something to your mom and if questioned, mention something about the police and the courts wanting to make sure there's no contact in case someone decides to bring bribary charges or whatever. Witness tampering. Who cares, just don't involve your brother since you know your mom won't side against him anyhow.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Several of you have asked why I am following my brother's wishes.  The answer is perhaps neither polite, nor correct etiquette-wise. 

DB is one of my mother's two golden children.  In her eyes, he's never done anything wrong.  She is aware of his harassment of me, and supports it. 

In addition, the police officer I have been working with advised me to have no contact with either DB or mother. 

So yes, I am being snarky.  You know what?  It feels good! 

So really, you are not sending a gift because YOU dont want to, and blaming it on your brother. 

Time to face the music with your mom.