At what age do you stop the 'kids only' gifts?

[lkdrymom]

I asked this last year in prep for this year. I want to hear everyone's feelings on this. For the past few years been exchanging gifts with my cousin's kids. This is a kids only exchange, my cousin's send my two kids gifts and I send their four kids gifts (2 families).  My feeling is that the year you graduate high school is your last year as a 'kid' therefore you age out of the gift exchange. Last year I dropped the oldest from the exchange. I didn't feel funny about it as he is an only child and would have no one to compare with (unless he asked his cousins). His parents still sent my children (ages 11 & 12) a check. This year his parents did not send my children anything. I am not upset by this, more relieved. But I also wonder if they were upset by my not sending their grown son anything. 

Now to the problem. My other cousin has three kids. Oldest graduated high school last year so I feel he is an adult and not part of the kid's exchange anymore. Problem is I still will be sending a check to the two younger ones (17 year old and 14 year old). Does anyone think they will be offended by this? Or will they be smart enough to figure it out?  We aren't that close. When my mom was alive we got together for 4th of July and Christmas but since she died and my Dad sold the house I really haven't seen them unless we are invited to their home (which has been 2 or 3 times in the last 4 years).  So I DO NOT feel comfortable calling them about it.   FYI they have sent my kids checks this year.

[rashea]

I think this is something you need to talk with your siblings about. I can see why they might be hurt that you dropped their son off the list, even if he was 18. If you had called and asked about what age they should stop getting "kids" gifts then you would have been in the clear.

Give the siblings a call and explain your reasoning. Do the adults do anything in your family? If so, it's time to include the new adults in the tradition.

[lkdrymom]

They aren't my siblings, they are my cousins and I do not feel comfortable calling them as I never see them. We aren't that close anymore. We don't send 'family' gifts, just gifts for the kids. However I think at 19 you aren't a kid anymore.

[amaiaisabella]

I would suggest sending a card to the older child of the cousin. My aunts no longer send me gifts since I turned 18 but they usually send me Christmas/birthday cards (with no cash, just card.)

[beingkj]

In my family, we stopped being "Kids" at 16 for one Aunt and Uncle, and 18 for the rest of the family. However, gifts in our family are rarely more than $20 in value, so that might explain why we were "kids" for so long.

I still receive cards from relatives that no longer send gifts.

[Amy Rose]

People stop giving gifts when you grow up?  Everybody exchanges gifts in my family, no matter how old you are.

[rashea]

They aren't my siblings, they are my cousins and I do not feel comfortable calling them as I never see them. We aren't that close anymore. We don't send 'family' gifts, just gifts for the kids. However I think at 19 you aren't a kid anymore.

Sorry, I typed too fast. If you aren't close enough to call them then sending their kids presents seems a little odd to me.

[extranormal]

We draw names in our family, but everybody gives to the kids (there are only four, including my kid). Mine is still young, but the other kids are 17, 19, and 22. The 22-year-old voluntarily joined the name-drawing adults, reasoning that she was out of college and shouldn't expect gifts from everybody.

I wouldn't say I mind giving to the 19- and 17-year-olds, but a thank you note would be nice. 

[Just Lori]

When families start trading checks with each other, it's time to quit giving gifts.  A conversation is in order.  In lieu of that, I suggest sending one check in a card to the entire family, which they can divide as they see fit.

[leapbride]

We also draw names for the adults but everyone buys for kids.  Kids being 17 and under.

[Harriet Jones]

People stop giving gifts when you grow up?  Everybody exchanges gifts in my family, no matter how old you are.

It depends on the family.  Sometimes buying gifts for *everyone* is just too much.

[dawbs]

In my family, I got lovely H.S. graduation gifts from much of my family.
And the cards said something about how I was now a young adult and part of the "adult" exchange--no more individual gifts.

(please bear in mind, last time I counted, I ran out of fingers and toes when I was trying to count my "aunts and uncles"...they are generous and lovely, but the family is huge, which does get cost prohbitive at some point!

I still get gifts from immediate family [my parents, siblings, and the grandparents I"m close to], this just applied to aunts, uncles, cousins, crazy grandparents, etec)

[Squeaks]

I think it is more of a generational thing than an age thing.  On some level, once the "kid" starts participating on the giving end - it is time to stop. I think another factor is the age difference and living status.  I.e. 18 year old on their own and college with a 10 year old sibling is different to exclude than 18 year old living at home with a 17 year old sibling.

But all families are different - I was litterally the only kid in the family growing up so kid only would not have worked well - so instead we just buy ridiculous amount for eachother. 

[amanda_tlg]

Unspoken rule of my family: once you graduate high school, you will no longer receive bday presents, but you will get gifts or checks for Christmas. Until you have children of your own. Then you are out of the Chsitmas exchange and we buy for the kids only. Newly/young married couples get 'couple gifts' instead of individual presents. I don't have a huge family, but it has worked out well for us.

[green ferns]

In my family you "age in" to the white elephant/gag gift swap at age 21/graduating from college.

To answer your question, I think the age depends on the family and what you all agree on. Since that's not an option for you, then could you send the current "aging out" cousin a card with a note that explains it?