Author Topic: I think my mom is losing it  (Read 8104 times)

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geordicat

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I think my mom is losing it
« on: December 17, 2007, 08:24:30 AM »
My mom is notorious for giving away things of MINE to other people.  I got this email this morning.

I still have your green afghan that my mom made for you.  She has been wanting to make another one for *Susie* (my sister's daughter, grandma's great grand daughter)  but really canít concentrate to work on anything.  Even a simple granny square.

 

Iím going to wash this one up (smells musty from being stored too long) and wrap it up nice for *Susie.*  If you could write a little something on a card to the affect that you are passing this afghan along to her and either mail it down to me or bring it down to work, Iíd appreciate it.  *sister* is having a really rough time right now as *exhusband* hasnít given her any money towards *Susie's* maintenance in 2.5 months.  Three months in January.  Every little thing extra we can do will be appreciated.

 

Thanks,

 

Mom

Um... NO!!!  Granted, I've forgotten about the afghan, and although green is one of my favorite colors, this is an ugly green, NO!!  That afghan is mine, made for me.  If my mom gives it to "Susie" then *I* don't have one made for ME by grandma!!  Notice how my mom didn't ask me if she could pass it on, or if I would mind, but instead just said she's going to do this.

I wrote back saying "No.  That's mine.  I'm glad you still have it.  I will make "Susie" an afghan or a quilt.  I have lots of fabric scraps.  If you have scraps to donate, that makes it from more family members."

As for the 'no help from exhusband' thing.  hm... I raised my son on my own with zero help from his biological father.  None ever.  I managed.  My mom and sister didn't help me out.  My sister just may have to give up her twice a month manicure AND pedicure and stop buying new outfits with matching shoes every week.  I don't remember the last time I bought something NEW.

I will gladly make an afghan or quilt for "Susie."  I will not give up one that my grandma made for me.  "Susie" already has one afghan I made for her when she was born.
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rashea

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2007, 08:28:59 AM »
Seriously, retrieve anything that you own that is in her house. We saw this not long ago with a poster whose Mom "borrowed" a quilt that belonged to the poster. If you value it, don't leave it at her house unless you have some sort of agreement that she will not be giving things away.

I think it's sweet that you are willing to make Susie a quilt.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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ShadesOfGrey

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2007, 08:34:31 AM »
Seriously, retrieve anything that you own that is in her house. We saw this not long ago with a poster whose Mom "borrowed" a quilt that belonged to the poster. If you value it, don't leave it at her house unless you have some sort of agreement that she will not be giving things away.

I think it's sweet that you are willing to make Susie a quilt.

Agreed. If you value it that much, keep it in your home. That's the only way to keep it truly safe. End of story.

Goodluck.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

geordicat

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2007, 08:35:55 AM »
Seriously, retrieve anything that you own that is in her house. We saw this not long ago with a poster whose Mom "borrowed" a quilt that belonged to the poster. If you value it, don't leave it at her house unless you have some sort of agreement that she will not be giving things away.

I think it's sweet that you are willing to make Susie a quilt.

In all honestly, I forgot all about this afghan until this email.  I fled from a very bad situation when my son was an infant, and some things got left behind, some things ended up at my mom's.   I don't care so much about the afghan, but just the way my mom says "Oh, I have this special thing of yours that grandma made JUST FOR YOU.  I'm going to give it to someone else. I want you to write a note saying that you are passing it on."

When my mom balks at this, because I will not write that note, I"m going to remind her how she had her eye on a special piece of jewelry that was grandma's, promised to her since she could remember... and grandma gave it to someone else because she felt they were more deserving.  My mom was devastated.  Not over the jewelry, because that's just a thing, but the thought behind it.
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2007, 08:40:29 AM »
Seriously, retrieve anything that you own that is in her house. We saw this not long ago with a poster whose Mom "borrowed" a quilt that belonged to the poster. If you value it, don't leave it at her house unless you have some sort of agreement that she will not be giving things away.

I think it's sweet that you are willing to make Susie a quilt.

In all honestly, I forgot all about this afghan until this email.  I fled from a very bad situation when my son was an infant, and some things got left behind, some things ended up at my mom's.   I don't care so much about the afghan, but just the way my mom says "Oh, I have this special thing of yours that grandma made JUST FOR YOU.  I'm going to give it to someone else. I want you to write a note saying that you are passing it on."

I'm not understanding why it's suddenly so important to you, then?  ???

Now that you know about it, and and determined it important to you, I suggest making arrangements to retrieve the quilt asap. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

geordicat

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2007, 08:44:56 AM »
Seriously, retrieve anything that you own that is in her house. We saw this not long ago with a poster whose Mom "borrowed" a quilt that belonged to the poster. If you value it, don't leave it at her house unless you have some sort of agreement that she will not be giving things away.

I think it's sweet that you are willing to make Susie a quilt.

In all honestly, I forgot all about this afghan until this email.  I fled from a very bad situation when my son was an infant, and some things got left behind, some things ended up at my mom's.   I don't care so much about the afghan, but just the way my mom says "Oh, I have this special thing of yours that grandma made JUST FOR YOU.  I'm going to give it to someone else. I want you to write a note saying that you are passing it on."

I'm not understanding why it's suddenly so important to you, then?  ???

Now that you know about it, and and determined it important to you, I suggest making arrangements to retrieve the quilt asap. 

What's getting to me is my mom giving away something of mine.  It's the principle.  If she had asked, it would be different, but to just say "I'm giving away your afghan" just comes across wrong.
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2007, 08:55:33 AM »
I'm not understanding why it's suddenly so important to you, then?  ???

Now that you know about it, and and determined it important to you, I suggest making arrangements to retrieve the quilt asap. 

What's getting to me is my mom giving away something of mine.  It's the principle.  If she had asked, it would be different, but to just say "I'm giving away your afghan" just comes across wrong.
[/quote]

I get that, and it's definitely wrong, but you can be practical about it or you can be upset over it (ie retrieve it/give it away or stew over how she attempted to give away an afghan that was sitting in her house for a long time that you presumably dont care about to someone presumably in need). 

This is the same issue as the other thread - if you want it, go get it, and if you dont, let her do with it as she will.  It's not really that difficult. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

geordicat

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2007, 08:57:54 AM »
I'm not understanding why it's suddenly so important to you, then?  ???

Now that you know about it, and and determined it important to you, I suggest making arrangements to retrieve the quilt asap. 

What's getting to me is my mom giving away something of mine.  It's the principle.  If she had asked, it would be different, but to just say "I'm giving away your afghan" just comes across wrong.

I get that, and it's definitely wrong, but you can be practical about it or you can be upset over it (ie retrieve it/give it away or stew over how she attempted to give away an afghan that was sitting in her house for a long time that you presumably dont care about to someone presumably in need). 

This is the same issue as the other thread - if you want it, go get it, and if you dont, let her do with it as she will.  It's not really that difficult. 
[/quote]

I'll be getting it.  :) 
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.

VorFemme

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2007, 01:00:57 PM »
Ladies & any gentlemen on the site - not everyone lives close enough to their parental home to "just run over and pick things up".  As a military member, I have lived up to a thousand miles from my parents..........

So telling anyone to just go by their parental home and pick up something may not be much help.  Granted, many people are planning trips home over the next week - so at least some of them may be able to pick things up.  Packing those things home on a plane or in their vehicle might still present a challenge................

But for people who could run up to their mother's on a weekend, it might be a good idea to PICK UP whatever they can on each trip............or at least what they don't want to loose, if there is too much to bring back in one trip without an empty vehicle (maybe even a large pickup truck or a small trailer).  But it might be possible for many travelers to take some things to a rental storage place to secure them under lock & key, for the next time they are in town...........
« Last Edit: December 17, 2007, 01:03:56 PM by VorFemme »
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Minmom3

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2007, 09:56:27 PM »
My mom is notorious for giving away things of MINE to other people.  I got this email this morning.

I still have your green afghan that my mom made for you.  She has been wanting to make another one for *Susie* (my sister's daughter, grandma's great grand daughter)  but really canít concentrate to work on anything.  Even a simple granny square.

 

Iím going to wash this one up (smells musty from being stored too long) and wrap it up nice for *Susie.*  If you could write a little something on a card to the affect that you are passing this afghan along to her and either mail it down to me or bring it down to work, Iíd appreciate it.  *sister* is having a really rough time right now as *exhusband* hasnít given her any money towards *Susie's* maintenance in 2.5 months.  Three months in January.  Every little thing extra we can do will be appreciated.

 

Thanks,

 

Mom

Um... NO!!!  Granted, I've forgotten about the afghan, and although green is one of my favorite colors, this is an ugly green, NO!!  That afghan is mine, made for me.  If my mom gives it to "Susie" then *I* don't have one made for ME by grandma!!  Notice how my mom didn't ask me if she could pass it on, or if I would mind, but instead just said she's going to do this.

I wrote back saying "No.  That's mine.  I'm glad you still have it.  I will make "Susie" an afghan or a quilt.  I have lots of fabric scraps.  If you have scraps to donate, that makes it from more family members."

As for the 'no help from exhusband' thing.  hm... I raised my son on my own with zero help from his biological father.  None ever.  I managed.  My mom and sister didn't help me out.  My sister just may have to give up her twice a month manicure AND pedicure and stop buying new outfits with matching shoes every week.  I don't remember the last time I bought something NEW.

I will gladly make an afghan or quilt for "Susie."  I will not give up one that my grandma made for me.  "Susie" already has one afghan I made for her when she was born.


You best fetch it post hast if you want to see it ever again.  Your mother is OH so not trustworthy!
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kareng57

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2007, 10:51:59 PM »
Seriously, retrieve anything that you own that is in her house. We saw this not long ago with a poster whose Mom "borrowed" a quilt that belonged to the poster. If you value it, don't leave it at her house unless you have some sort of agreement that she will not be giving things away.

I think it's sweet that you are willing to make Susie a quilt.

In all honestly, I forgot all about this afghan until this email.  I fled from a very bad situation when my son was an infant, and some things got left behind, some things ended up at my mom's.   I don't care so much about the afghan, but just the way my mom says "Oh, I have this special thing of yours that grandma made JUST FOR YOU.  I'm going to give it to someone else. I want you to write a note saying that you are passing it on."

I'm not understanding why it's suddenly so important to you, then?  ???

Now that you know about it, and and determined it important to you, I suggest making arrangements to retrieve the quilt asap. 

What's getting to me is my mom giving away something of mine.  It's the principle.  If she had asked, it would be different, but to just say "I'm giving away your afghan" just comes across wrong.


Okay, but I'm just being devil's advocate here.  Lots of parents store their adult chidrens' stuff away for years and years and I don't think that it's out-of-line for them to conclude that anything that is still there for a long time is probably something that the child doesn't care that much about.  You did admit yourself that you'd forgotten about it.

If you really want it, I'd advise that you obtain some kind of prepaid-package from a shipper such as UPS where your mom packs up the afghan for you and mails it to you, you having prepaid the expense yourself.  It's really unfair for adult offspring to expect their parents to provide free storage for anything that they may or may not want in the future.

sbtier

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2007, 10:51:38 AM »
Okay, but I'm just being devil's advocate here.  Lots of parents store their adult chidrens' stuff away for years and years and I don't think that it's out-of-line for them to conclude that anything that is still there for a long time is probably something that the child doesn't care that much about.  You did admit yourself that you'd forgotten about it.

If you really want it, I'd advise that you obtain some kind of prepaid-package from a shipper such as UPS where your mom packs up the afghan for you and mails it to you, you having prepaid the expense yourself.  It's really unfair for adult offspring to expect their parents to provide free storage for anything that they may or may not want in the future.

That's a valid point.  My mother stores stuff of my brother's who left home 30 years ago and is now across country.  She's still waiting for him to 'take his stuff'.  Uh ma, want the number to Salvation Army? 

LyanneB1

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2007, 05:37:36 AM »
Okay, but I'm just being devil's advocate here.  Lots of parents store their adult chidrens' stuff away for years and years and I don't think that it's out-of-line for them to conclude that anything that is still there for a long time is probably something that the child doesn't care that much about.  You did admit yourself that you'd forgotten about it.

If you really want it, I'd advise that you obtain some kind of prepaid-package from a shipper such as UPS where your mom packs up the afghan for you and mails it to you, you having prepaid the expense yourself.  It's really unfair for adult offspring to expect their parents to provide free storage for anything that they may or may not want in the future.

That's a valid point.  My mother stores stuff of my brother's who left home 30 years ago and is now across country.  She's still waiting for him to 'take his stuff'.  Uh ma, want the number to Salvation Army? 

But has she asked him if he wants it/to come & get it or it goes?  In fairness to him, one does forget about stuff when one can't see it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want it.

If she has suggested he gets it/has it shipped across country & he doesn't want to, then yes, Salvation Army seems a good idea!

livluvlaf

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #13 on: January 23, 2008, 05:11:01 PM »
To sbtier - I think your mother should make a point of informing your brother she needs her space back, and negotiate a deadline about moving his stuff .... or asking if she can have movers drop it off as a donation. It's probably more memorabilia than re-useable goods.

To geordicat: You mention the blanket "is an ugly green," and the only reason you don't want to part with it is nostalgic. How old is "Suzie"? Is she at an age to appreciate the item was lovingly made by her great-grandmother? Most children are a bit more superficial, and don't understand all the time, effort & tlc that goes into handmade objects .... will she know it's an heirloom, or only see it as an ugly green afghan?


geordicat

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Re: I think my mom is losing it
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2008, 07:10:54 PM »
To sbtier - I think your mother should make a point of informing your brother she needs her space back, and negotiate a deadline about moving his stuff .... or asking if she can have movers drop it off as a donation. It's probably more memorabilia than re-useable goods.

To geordicat: You mention the blanket "is an ugly green," and the only reason you don't want to part with it is nostalgic. How old is "Suzie"? Is she at an age to appreciate the item was lovingly made by her great-grandmother? Most children are a bit more superficial, and don't understand all the time, effort & tlc that goes into handmade objects .... will she know it's an heirloom, or only see it as an ugly green afghan?



Suzie is 3.. not at an age to appreciate the gift.  She will just see it as something to drag around.
Light travels faster than sound.  That's why some people appear bright until they open their mouth.