Help with a difficult letter, please

[Rose2Bear]

I could use some advice about an email I would like to write.

My grandfather has cancer, the doctors thought they got rid of it all, but it ends up it is actually spreading. His prognosis is not as good as we would like for it to be.

I would like to go visit him because I am not sure, frankly, how much time he has left. I would like to send an email expressing my hope for his health and also suggest that perhaps I could come over and visit. 

Here are my etiquette concerns though:

1. I know it's rude to invite oneself over, but I think this is a sort of different circumstnace. How should I word that with out looking like I'm inviting myself over expecting like a dinner or something? I just want to go for the afternoon or something? Also, how do you figure out a date to visit someone when you are basically inviting yourself over?

2. Here's the big one: How do I express that with out looking like I'm saying "I want to see you before you die" becasue I don't really visit him that often since my parents were divorced, so it might be sort of wierd that out of the blue I want to visit. Plus, his health MIGHT turn around so I don't want to look like I'm thinking the worst, becasue I am not, I really just want to see him becasue it sounds like he is pretty down.

3. I want to somehow express that if he is not up to seeing people, I understand, but I don't know what would be a tactful way to word that with out implying that he is really sick.

Thanks for your help, guys, I keep putting off writing this email and I really shouldnt.

[twinkletoes]

For something like this, I wouldn't email - I'd pick up the phone and call.  Ask him how things are going, and tell him you'd like to see him soon. Ask him what would be a good time for you to see him.  Do you have to travel far to see him?  If so, try to word it so it doesn't sound like you're looking for a place to crash for a few days.  If he's up for it, maybe you could offer to take him out to a favorite restaurant (or order delivery while you're there). 

Best of luck, and I hope everything works out for you and your grandfather.

[JoyinVirginia]

For something like this, I wouldn't email - I'd pick up the phone and call.  Ask him how things are going, and tell him you'd like to see him soon. Ask him what would be a good time for you to see him. 

Excellent advice from Twinkletoes. Call if there is any way you can. Emails cannot convey the tone of voice. Plus you can actually have a conversation, instead of having to go back and forth with emails.

If you cannot call - just sit down and write from the heart. I care about you, I know you are sick, I want to see you and visit when you feel up to it. Don't make it more complicated than  it has to be.
Joy in virginia

[DottyG]

Both of the above posters have excellent advice.  I agree with them.

But, I also want to stress to DO IT NOW.  Don't wait.  If he gets better, wonderful!  I hope that's the case.  If he doesn't get better, you will have a special memory to carry with you forever.

Sick or not, always make the time to visit loved ones and let them know how much you love them.  Just do.

[Verruca]

If phoning is not an option:

Dear Grandpa,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately, and I'm regretting that I haven't visited with you often since Mom and Dad got divorced.  I've been thinking of all the wonderful times we've spent together and missing you very much.  Remember when we [insert lots of good memories with your grandfather here]? 

I would love to start seeing you more often [or "see you again"], but I don't want to impose on you.  I work/have school/prior engagements/whatever on XXXdays in the morning/afternoon/evening, but I'm free on weekends/weekdays/alternate Mondays at any time.  Would next Monday/Tuesday afternoon/Saturday morning be a good time for me to stop by?  I'll even bring donuts/dinner/your favorite tea and cookies/whatever with me!

If that day won't work for you, please let me know when I can stop by.  I really just want to sit with you and trade news and memories.

I love you!
Rose

Although I agree that the phone is really the best way to do this.  If you're putting it off because of feeling shy about calling and not knowing what to say, your first sentence would be, "Hi, Grandpa, it's Rose!  I've been thinking about you - how are you feeling?"  Then from there you'd just listen and ask questions, talk about your life if he's curious, and have a normal conversation.  At some point, you'd say, "It's been so good talking to you again, I'd love to see you in person.  Can we arrange something?  I can call that day to make sure you're feeling up to visitors."  Say you'll bring treats so he doesn't feel like he needs to feed you.

Just be matter-of-fact about his illness and the fact that some days will be better than others for visitors.  You would do the same thing for someone who has a cold or the flu or a broken leg.

Good luck!  I hope your grandfather does feel better. 

[Alida]

But, I also want to stress to DO IT NOW.  Don't wait.  If he gets better, wonderful!  I hope that's the case.  If he doesn't get better, you will have a special memory to carry with you forever.

Sick or not, always make the time to visit loved ones and let them know how much you love them.  Just do.

I want to echo what DottyG says - take the time now.  And call - I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know you want to see him.

Hugs and prayers - I hope he does get better!

[MsEva]

I'm so sorry about your grandfather. Cancer just su***!

I could use some advice about an email I would like to write.

My grandfather has cancer, the doctors thought they got rid of it all, but it ends up it is actually spreading. His prognosis is not as good as we would like for it to be.

I would like to go visit him because I am not sure, frankly, how much time he has left. I would like to send an email expressing my hope for his health and also suggest that perhaps I could come over and visit. 

Here are my etiquette concerns though:

1. I know it's rude to invite oneself over, but I think this is a sort of different circumstnace. How should I word that with out looking like I'm inviting myself over expecting like a dinner or something? I just want to go for the afternoon or something? Also, how do you figure out a date to visit someone when you are basically inviting yourself over?

I agree with the other posters that suggest calling instead of emailing. Just tell your grandfather that you've missed him and would love to come visit if he's feeling up to it. Ask him when it's convenient for him to see you. If there is a food you know he likes, you can offer to bring it.

2. Here's the big one: How do I express that with out looking like I'm saying "I want to see you before you die" becasue I don't really visit him that often since my parents were divorced, so it might be sort of wierd that out of the blue I want to visit. Plus, his health MIGHT turn around so I don't want to look like I'm thinking the worst, becasue I am not, I really just want to see him becasue it sounds like he is pretty down.

Once again tell him that you've missed him. You can use this as a starting point for seeing him on a regular basis again.

3. I want to somehow express that if he is not up to seeing people, I understand, but I don't know what would be a tactful way to word that with out implying that he is really sick.

He knows he is sick and only he knows how he's feeling. Just let him know that you understand if he's not up to visitors.

Thanks for your help, guys, I keep putting off writing this email and I really shouldnt.

Good luck to you. I know that this is hard, but you will feel better and your grandfather probably will too. Just don't put it off.

[Rose2Bear]

Thank you so much, everybody, I really appreciate your nice words and your helpful suggestions.

I opted for email rather than phone calls becasue I really prefer writing things, I get very emotiona and tongue tied when I make phone calls and things often come out wrong.

I'm going to take everyone's advice and act now rather than wait and hem and haw over what to say. (Not that I need to hem and haw now thanks to everyones great and thought out suggestions).

Thank you again.