no, you can't abuse the system and me as well...

[majorboredom]

Ok, now let me preface all of this, by saying the below rant isn't a dig at anyone receiving any sort of social services.  I'm in school to be a social worker, and I firmly believe that those programs work and help people who are truly in need.  I've also been a recipient and harbor no false judgments against people who are using them. 

A friend of mine recently got married.  In the midst of all of this, I ended up having to run some errands with her sister, the other BM.  We walk into a store and she points out a $300 tv/vcr combo that she is soon getting for her son's room.  (Note, this is a while ago, so it's not even close to Christmas.)  She goes on and on about how excited he is, but how her boyfriend is wanting to wait until son (who is 5 or 6, can't remember) can be with them, so they can make sure it's the one he wants. 

We finish our shopping and get int he car to go back.   She notices the time and nearly panics.  She's running late!  She needed to get up to the school that day by a certain time, to pick up her free school supplies. 

That's right.  She was receiving a backpack, and the full school supply list, since she qualified for the free lunch program.  She then goes on to talk about all the other social services she receives.  She pushes me to take advantage of everything that I can, since I am newly pregnant. 

Now, this family isn't rich by any stretch of the imagination, but they could scrape by.  I noticed they always have the latest gadgets, BF buys things for his truck all the time, the have DVD players installed in their cars...and yet...they are on social services. 

I, a single mother, can make it on my own, while going to school, but these people, in a two income house, can't do without electronic gadgets and pull their own weight?

I'm amazed...

In any case, this year, I will not be buying them holiday presents.  I've done it every year, I just can't this year.  For one, there isn't room in the budget, and two, while I hate to punish a child for the parent's mistake, I feel that that is what I have to do. 

Any suggestions for what I should say when asked why?  I'm in the process of cutting off all relations with this entire bunch, I'm just trying to avoid a confrontation while pregnant.  Friend and her entire family have proven themselves to be entitled, self-centered piggies, but I also don't feel like causing a huge fight with anyone.  I'd just like to let it end with a whimper....

[lamorevincera]

I'd just lean on the budget excuse. It's valid. Confronting them with their behavior is not going to make them reconsider it - just make them mad at you.

[VorFemme]

You just won't be able to do it this year........then make sure that they are no longer in touch with you by NEXT year..........as they will probably expect something twice as expensive to make up for no present last year.............

((hugs))

[housewife2k]

Be selectively honest-your budget this year is tight, and won't allow you to by them presents. You don't have to tell them that is because you didn't factor their present into your budget, because you do not agree with their behaviour.

While I do not agree with much of what they are doing, I would like to put out a brief thought-Are you sure that they are doing all of their extras themselves? Hubby and I already know that FIL is having a DVD player put in the van for christmas. He is also getting us some DVDs for the kids, for in the van. He is doing this because he knows how much time we spend driving, since we only have one vehicle. MIL and FIL gave us teh money for Middleson to have a tv/dvd player in his room, but allowed us to pick it out, and my mom has made sure that Oldest has a computer and some gadgets.

[BabyMama]

People who genuinely take advantage of assistance when they might not need it really irk me. I used to work with a young woman who had an out-of-wedlock son. She was on government assistance, and apparently one of the stipulations was that she had to be working at least 25 hours a week to qualify. So she worked 25 hours a week...and never any more. (She was perfectly healthy, wasn't in school, etc., and would have had no problem working 40+ hours...she just didn't because she didn't have to), and her mother watched her son most of the time. She partied a lot in the 143 hours a week she wasn't working. So I nearly had a heart attack when she told me that she was "thinking about getting pregnant again because babies are so cute and then I'll get more money!"

I also agree, the budget excuse is the best one. Although the snarky in me would probably mentally add, "...and because your kids don't seem to need anything else..."

[majorboredom]

Be selectively honest-your budget this year is tight, and won't allow you to by them presents. You don't have to tell them that is because you didn't factor their present into your budget, because you do not agree with their behaviour.

While I do not agree with much of what they are doing, I would like to put out a brief thought-Are you sure that they are doing all of their extras themselves? Hubby and I already know that FIL is having a DVD player put in the van for christmas. He is also getting us some DVDs for the kids, for in the van. He is doing this because he knows how much time we spend driving, since we only have one vehicle. MIL and FIL gave us teh money for Middleson to have a tv/dvd player in his room, but allowed us to pick it out, and my mom has made sure that Oldest has a computer and some gadgets.

Yeah, sadly I do know that this isn't the case.  They talk about their finances way more than is appropriate.  I mean, I know all of their pay schedules, their pay rates, when they get raises or bonuses or tax refunds....

[tmmkitten]

i know many people who take advantage of things that they don't need because it is easier. it makes me sad because people who genuinly need things may get over looked.

i have an acquaintance who was married, and had health insurance with maternity care, and had no problem paying for it. when she found out that the state would pay for her pregnancy if she and her husband didn't have it, they went off insurance, got pregnant, and were put on welfare. they had no problem paying for the care, but felt that it would be dumb not to take advantage of this situation.

it still makes me sad. what if they ended up not qualifying? what if they had major compilations that they had to pay out of pocket. let alone that being off insurance for a specific amount of time is dangerous  because you may not be able to get insurance afterwards because you have a lapse in coverage that is too long.

i also worked with one person who was on government assistance because he used his paycheck to buy very expensive electronics and hid his real income form the government so that they wouldn't lose the extra money and housing assistance.

[bopper]

But you don't know if they are outright buying the TV/VCR or are just putting it on a charge card and not actually paying for it.

[majorboredom]

But you don't know if they are outright buying the TV/VCR or are just putting it on a charge card and not actually paying for it.

Again, I wish this were the case.  I know none of them have credit cards, and I know when friend did manage to get a line of credit.  I know when their Mom, (the only large gift giving relative) gives them things.  The sister mentioned that after BF got paid they would be taking son to store so he could pick it out. 

They just don't buy anything without telling everyone how it was paid for, how much it cost, etc....

[TychaBrahe]

I have to say that I am glad that we have moved away from the time when people would rather starve than accept assistance they desperately needed.

Unfortunately, many people have gone too far in the other direction.