I'm not quite sure we're handling this right, so I figured I'd toss it out for
My family celebrates on Christmas eve, so there isn't much of a conflict as far as dates/times.
My ILs celebrate on Christmas day, which for many years has meant Christmas at toxic grandmother's. (for the last several years, Mr. Dawbs and I went over late morning to the IL's, spen an hour or 2, and then we moved the entire party to grandmother's. Neither Mr. Dawbs nor I like this plan, but, it's tradition...)
That isn't happening this year. Someone else is hosting Christmas instead of grandmother, one of her daughters (although, I should use the word "hosting" loosely--the new hostess will host/hostess. Grandmother would convince her daughters to prepare everything and bring it to her house--and since no one wanted to be subjectd to her cooking, that's what we did
). This year, one of her daughters is hostessing, with the plan the other will get to hostess next year. There's a rotation being set up--MIL and Aunty will be trading years, and if grandmother wishes, she can be part of that rotation. So Aunty's this year, MIL's next year, grandmother's in 2 years, then back to aunty's, then MIL's.... It's a wonderful thing--not perfect, but the improvement is incredible. Her daughters really want to do this, the grandkids want it this way, *everyone* will be happier. Except...
Toxic grandmother is unhappy about this. There's some back story, but suffice to say, she's a manipulative and difficult person and she always gets what she wants. And she wants to be queen of Christmas. She is busy trying to connive her way in to "hostessing" for the holidays.
Last night, when Aunty and MIL were having a conversation, they waffled for a minute...because they are "taking this away from a poor old woman who is sick" (sick like a fox...but that's another story). Mr. Dawbs said we aren't going to Grandmother's. If they give in, we will not attend. We have lots of other places we *could* be (like with my family or home by ourselves...), and we aren't subjecting ourselves to her house.
He said we'd boycott if they get themselves bullied into going there.
This seemed to solidify things. So, *crossing fingers*, as of now, the plans to NOT have grandmother hostess stand.
But...if it comes down to it, how does one boycott?
(I do assume that would destroy the relationship
with grandmother if we boycott--and while I might think she's a horrid old bat, it IS my husband's grandmother...I'd rather not the relationship
be destroyed... And just for the record...the rest of her grandkids aren't in this discussion--we're the only ones "home for Christmas thsi yar)