Someone else cooking christmas dinner in your home (update page 2)

[Brentwood]

I cook Christmas dinner in my house.

Period.

[Calbrini]

UPDATE: I asked him to phone his mother last night and he said he would do it tommorow. So I phoned her. Apparently BIL told his dad two weeks ago that he was having dinner at our house. Nobody told me. DH says they are his family and cant tell them they cant come!!

MIL is still talking about how she and SIL are cooking for us. I said Im cooking, she is welcome to help but no doubt more stuff will be arranged without telling me before then.

[kckgirl]

You may just have to take charge on that day and assign jobs, but hey, maybe they'll start telling you things in advance. Buy whatever you want and don't get what they demand unless it's already on your list. Most likely, they won't be able to go out on Christmas day and get it anyway.

Don't worry about how many places there are at the table. Really. Families adjust. They know you have a small table. That would be the very least of my worries.

Personally, I don't care who cooks in my kitchen, but where did you get the idea that it's the cook's job to clean up, too?

[Calbrini]

Believe me, DH has already been assigned to cleaning up!

[nliedel]

The short answer? I would not want anyone taking over my kitchen. I'm very territorial about that room. Nothing else, just my kitchen.

You can work with her to work out a menu that you both work on. Then, you can both contribute to the family meal. If you are not comfortable doing that, she has no business in your kitchen.

[MsEva]

Set as many boundaries as you can right now to just get through this somewhat comfortably and then let DH know that the two of you are going to have a little chat as soon as Christmas is over...

Good luck to you!

[Bijou]

I don't feel like the kitchen is my domain.  It's just another room in the house where my dh and I share ownership.  Anyone who wants to do the cooking is wonderful, in my book.  When my mil and sil came the kitchen was like sort of th hub of activity, with anyone cooking what they wanted, and all pitching in.  Their cooking leaves mine in the dust, and I'm no slouch.  I'll even help do the clean up. 
My dh does most of the cooking now because I'd just as soon have an egg sandwich as cook a meal.  Even when I loved to cook I didn't care who used the kitchen. 

[Calbrini]

I dont mind people helping its the fact that stuff gets arranged behind my back. I just dont want to be taken over in my own house, whatever room it is!

[Xallanthia]

I wouldn't care about the kitchen, though I'd rather be in charge in my own house.  After all if I let someone else cook I would just be hovering, feeling like a bad hostess and wanting to help all the time.

But for inviting people over and not talking to me about it?  For that there would be hell to pay.

(Incidentally, sometime in the near future DH and I are going to be having our own talk about the difference between his mother telling him she needs him to do something and asking him to do something.  But that's another topic )

[Monkey'sMom]

Sounds like you need to whip out a clue X 4 and have a "come to Deity of your choice" meeting with your DH. I'm very curious as to why he's not telling you, well, anything. It seems the only way you're learing this is from other people or after your DH as agreed to it, without talking to you about it.

Oh hecks no. That would NOT happen in my house. Occasionally, one of us will make plans or agree to something and have it slip our mind before talking to the other, but then there is quite a bit of irritation and apologizing afterward. His sounds intentional.

The fantasy/evil me would tell him that the next time he agrees/plans something without telling me first, it will not happen. People coming over for Christmas, nope, see you next year. Others coming in and cooking in MY kitchen without consulting me? %^*( *^$%$ & ^#$%^...

I would tell him that his actions are telling me he does not respect me or my place in my own home. That if he cannot respect me, then he cannot love me, and then perhaps we need to reevaluate our relationship. I would remind him of our wedding vows and ask when exactly did he stand in front of God and everyone and promise to love, honor, and cherish his siblings.

[Bijou]

I wouldn't care about the kitchen, though I'd rather be in charge in my own house.  After all if I let someone else cook I would just be hovering, feeling like a bad hostess and wanting to help all the time.

But for inviting people over and not talking to me about it?  For that there would be hell to pay.

(Incidentally, sometime in the near future DH and I are going to be having our own talk about the difference between his mother telling him she needs him to do something and asking him to do something.  But that's another topic )

Well, now, if he invited someone over and didn't give me plenty of planning room, I'd probably suddenly remember an important meeting I had to attend.

[bopper]

On the other hand, you can accept your MIL's offer, but make DH be the gopher in the kitchen.  Tell him he darn well better be cleaning as he goes.  You will be with FIL watching the football game.