General Etiquette > Family and Children

Bad Invitation Etiquette

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pennylane:
Hi all, I'm new here and really enjoying this board, especially reading the various comments and good advice you guys come up with in so many situations. 

I'm wondering if this happens to any of you-- I'm 35 years old and (laugh) haven't lived under my parents' roof for many, many years.  Yet every time a family member or close friend of my parents throws a shower, wedding, or other party, they see fit to only send an invitation to my mother with the implication that if she is invited, then so am I.  When it's something like a birthday, holiday gathering, or backyard barbecue, again- they will call my mother under the same assumption that if she's invited, then I am. 

I can't even begin to tell you how sick I am of this.  Now a cousin of mine is having a baby shower, and....guess what happened there????  Seriously, is it so hard to make a quick 30 second phone call to my mom and get my address?  (Or for them to write my address and phone number down when I gave it to them in the first place?)

For starters, I live over an hour away from my parents and probably spend about 14 days per year total at my parents' house at all.  Mom and I don't get to chat on the phone every day, either.  Not only do I often miss out on a lot of pertinent information that gets lost in translation about these things (that, gee- wouldn't happen if I'd received my OWN invitation), but I find this extremely impersonal, rude, and hurtful.  Not to mention TACKY-- Hey, I'm driving there from a separate (and further) distance, they'd obviously like to receive a separate gift from me, don't I warrant a separate invitation and stamp?

In the future, I think I'm going to refuse to attend anything that I'm not personally invited to, but I wanted to share this with you and ask what you would do in this situation.   

Lisbeth:
When I first moved out of my parents' house, that used to happen to me a lot.

It took moving out of the same city (Houston to NYC) to make that stop.

I think acting as though you haven't been invited if you didn't receive an invitation at your own address is the right thing to do.

ZipTheWonder:
I agree with Keen Reader.  When your absence at these events is questioned..."Oh, gosh.  I don't think I was invited.  Sounds like you had fun, though!!"

I think you might be able to put the brakes on this at the point where your parents relay invitations -- if that's how they are typically issued to you.  Tell your parents "Thanks for letting me know, but I've been uncomfortable, for a long time, with these vague third-hand invitations.  It seems like, if Aunt Martha really wants me there, she would have invited me directly 17 years ago.  I think I'll pass on the party, so that I don't continue to intrude on events to which I'm not invited."

Peyton Fan:
This occassionally still happens to me and I've been married for 8 years and am almost 40. I just tell my mom, I"m not coming unless I am invited myself. She gets a little frustrated with me, but I stick to it. It doesn't happen too much anymore.

Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007:

--- Quote from: kimstat on January 29, 2007, 09:02:59 PM ---This occassionally still happens to me and I've been married for 8 years and am almost 40. I just tell my mom, I"m not coming unless I am invited myself. She gets a little frustrated with me, but I stick to it. It doesn't happen too much anymore.

--- End quote ---

I live in a different state 625 miles from my parents, I am 34 and married.  I am the only surviving child and my parents still get invitations to "Mom and Pop and Family" like My brother and I still live at home.  I have also decided to attend or acknowledge an event when people have not contacted me directly, heavens knows they are aware of where I live since I often send flowers, cards and gifts...SIGH!

In other words.. I feel ya sister!

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