General Etiquette > Life...in general

Put on the spot to be thankful and lovey-dovey to others

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kingsrings:
It's not Thanksgiving or anywhere near it I know, but what I am talking about coincides with it. Do you hate being put on the spot to give love and praise to someone? Such as having Thanksgiving dinner and someone at the table comes up with the idea that everyone should go around and say what they're thankful for. Oh for those of us that are deeply religious, this little practice comes up in church and Bible study groups sometimes. 'Everyone pick someone at the table, and tell them just how much they mean to you'. That happened one time at one of my Bible studies, and I wanted to hide under the table. Fortunately, it was understood that some of us felt uncomfortable with stuff like that, so we weren't pushed to contribute. I really dislike stuff like this because it really makes me uncomfortable. I'm just not the type who goes around being all lovey-dovey and stuff like that at all, it's not a part of my personality. Blame it all on my Finnish heritage that makes us reserved, heh. I'm not a cold person at all I don't think, but my affection and love for people comes more through my actions than my words. And I most definitely don't like to be put on the spot like that to give my praises and lovey-doveys to someone, I want it to come naturally. I hate that saying, "Tell everyone know how much you love them because you never know when you might not get another chance!" because for some of us, it just doesn't come that easy. Sometimes when this happens I unintentionally come across as rude for not participating. I'll make some silly wise-cracks to hide that I feel uncomfortable with it.

Anyone else feel the same way? And what is a polite response when you don't want to participate in someone's love-fest, but don't want to come across as rude or cold?

CreteGirl:
I don't know the polite response, but I would feel as uncomfortable as you do at being put on the spot like that.  I'm sure whoever starts this type of thing is well intentioned, but they are really asking you to reveal personal and private feelings publicly.

twinkletoes:
Oh, I hate this! 

Once, I had to say something nice about someone I really and truly can't stand.  His sense of humor is to tell bad, corny, and sexist jokes (he thinks the "Lockhorns" are hysterical, for what it's worth), and he's obnoxious.  I told him he always makes me laugh, which is true - I do laugh *at* him, in private.

It's awkward and uncomfortable, but I try to come up with at least *something* plausible. 

Ki:
I'm very uncomfortable with this as well, and I've only found one way to get around it, especially since it's usually my family that's turning the pressure on.  Every dinner with my parents, one of them will say, "So who wants to say grace?" My brother and I, as teenagers, always responded quickly with "Not it!"  Immature, but it took the pressure off both of us and my parents never said anything about it.

At Thanksgiving, we used to do this, as part of a round-table thanksgiving prayer.  Since my brother and DBF are both atheists, and our Thanksgiving celebration is small, that doesn't really work anymore, thank goodness.   ::)  So, it's only infrequent visits where I have to deal with this kind of thing at all.  It's still annoying on those times, though.

Bijou:

--- Quote from: kingsrings on January 30, 2007, 01:19:13 PM ---It's not Thanksgiving or anywhere near it I know, but what I am talking about coincides with it. Do you hate being put on the spot to give love and praise to someone? Such as having Thanksgiving dinner and someone at the table comes up with the idea that everyone should go around and say what they're thankful for. Oh for those of us that are deeply religious, this little practice comes up in church and Bible study groups sometimes. 'Everyone pick someone at the table, and tell them just how much they mean to you'. That happened one time at one of my Bible studies, and I wanted to hide under the table. Fortunately, it was understood that some of us felt uncomfortable with stuff like that, so we weren't pushed to contribute. I really dislike stuff like this because it really makes me uncomfortable. I'm just not the type who goes around being all lovey-dovey and stuff like that at all, it's not a part of my personality. Blame it all on my Finnish heritage that makes us reserved, heh. I'm not a cold person at all I don't think, but my affection and love for people comes more through my actions than my words. And I most definitely don't like to be put on the spot like that to give my praises and lovey-doveys to someone, I want it to come naturally. I hate that saying, "Tell everyone know how much you love them because you never know when you might not get another chance!" because for some of us, it just doesn't come that easy. Sometimes when this happens I unintentionally come across as rude for not participating. I'll make some silly wise-cracks to hide that I feel uncomfortable with it.

Anyone else feel the same way? And what is a polite response when you don't want to participate in someone's love-fest, but don't want to come across as rude or cold?

--- End quote ---
I will bet that most people are not comfortable with having to 'come up with something' sweet to say about anyone.  If I want to say something nice to someone I don't need a forum and it will come from the heart, not just the  brain. 

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