General Etiquette > Life...in general
Theoretical: When would you step in, and how?
Verruca:
I posted a couple of weeks ago about being at a gathering where a young woman named Roberta mocked the hostess, Angela, by imitating her accent. I didn't feel comfortable saying something for a few reasons: it was my first time meeting both the hostess and the young woman, I wasn't part of the conversation (I was overhearing it), and Angela didn't seem to feel insulted (although she may also have been trying to politely laugh it off.)
So I've been wondering:
1. Under what circumstances would you step in if you were aware that someone was being mocked or insulted or otherwise treated rudely? Have you ever been in a situation where you intervened?
2. How would/did you step in? Would you use humor? An icy glare? A straightforward, "That's not very polite"? Would you address the rude person, or would you address the victim?
What if the folks involved weren't your children or partner or someone who couldn't defend him/herself? Let's assume that stepping in would mean that you could be perceived as overstepping your bounds.
Discuss!
madmusician:
1. -If it involved me at all
-If I am close to the person being mocked or the person mocking
-If I felt comfortable with it
2. Humor, or if that didn't work an icy glare and thinly veiled snarkiness.
Barghest1031:
I’ve never been in a situation like what you describe, but if I were something tells me my shyness would take hold and I’d just go on my merry way.
Now I have been near with some of my friends before when they’ve started mocking somebody else that I’m friends with and they’re not (who‘s not present. . Nobody I know mocks others to their face. . I think it‘s a southern thing*). An extremely icy glare and if necessary a verbal smack down from me. The latter isn’t always polite, but sometimes it’s the only way to get them to knock it off.
*My mom has always said that people from up north always remark on how polite everybody in the south is. My mom’s response is that the only difference between Northerners and Southerners is that Northerners insult you to your face. Southerners are nice to your face, then stab you in the back. (Not speaking for all people from the South of course. Just my families personal experiences.)
MsEva:
I will state my opinion if the insulter is looking to me or the group I'm in for agreement or attention. I will stand up for anyone I care about all the time (and people I don't like some of the time). I will put my ignorant FIL in his place every single time.
The hows of doing it would be tailored to each situation. I try to use humor when I can - except for FIL, I just lay it on the line.
I would address the person I am dealing with at the time be it the insultor or the insultee. If we're all together I would probably address them both.
The only time I will hold my tongue for sure is if someone else jumps in to handle it. I would also be low key if it happened at someone else's home where I was a guest.
Lexophile:
My FIL is verbally abusive to my MIL and it drives me NUTS. When he does it in front of me, I physically put myself between him and her and tell him to knock it off. I have said, "There's no need to be nasty." and "Dad, we got your point the first time." She's a little hard of hearing and he flies off the handle when she doesn't respond to him the instant he tells her to do something. by saying "we" i think it lets him know that he's outnumbered and he'd better settle down.
He's a child in an old man's body and it explains why MIL always wants us to stick around a while longer when we visit. It also makes me want to visit less and less. Nobody likes being around that.
At first I thought it was dangerous putting myself between them, but I find that he behaves like a barking dog. Break his attention and he forgets all about it. It usually diffuses the situation pretty quickly. What a bully.
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