This was a bit awkward

[Groundsgirl]

A friend of mine mentioned yesterday when we were shopping together that she and her husband were going to see a local theatre production this evening. She asked if I wanted to go.

I said that I would have to see if I could afford the ticket (they tend to run a bit high for a community theatre) and I would get back to her today and let her know if I would be able to join them. She said that was fine.

Well today, I woke up with a miserable head cold. I slogged through work and then fell into my jammies as soon as I got home. She called me right after I changed and asked if I was going to join them. I said no because I was sick and miserable.

She got upset and complained that they had already purchased my ticket for me and it was nonrefundable. I heard her husband grousing in the background about me being rude. I asked if they would be able to find someone to buy the ticket off of them so that they aren't out money. If they couldn't find anyone to take the ticket, I would load up with Kleenex and cold meds and make the best of it.

She called me back and told me that they found someone to take the ticket but that she was disappointed by my backing out of plans. I did not think that the plans were set as I never said that I was definitely going prior to her buying my ticket. I never asked or even hinted to her to buy a ticket for me. I apologized  for any confusion but I don't think I could have made myself any clearer than I already had.

Was there a better way I could have handled this?

[MsEva]

I think you did the best you could. Maybe the next time you see her husband you can say something to the effect of "I am so sorry that I couldn't go with to the play. I was very ill and it came as quite a surprise that you were treating me to the performance. I just want you to know that even though I couldn't attend I still appreciate your generosity."

I wonder if the husband knew the whole situation, or if his wife made it sound that you were definitely going and wouldn't it be nice to surprise you with a ticket.

I know you were sick, but you probably should have called her as soon as you knew that you weren't going to attend since you had already told her that you would call her.

[Groundsgirl]

I know you were sick, but you probably should have called her as soon as you knew that you weren't going to attend since you had already told her that you would call her.

I should clarify that in my original post. She called me right after I got home from work before I had a chance to call her. I had just changed clothes when the phone rang.

[Bijou]

A friend of mine mentioned yesterday when we were shopping together that she and her husband were going to see a local theatre production this evening. She asked if I wanted to go.

I said that I would have to see if I could afford the ticket (they tend to run a bit high for a community theatre) and I would get back to her today and let her know if I would be able to join them. She said that was fine.

Well today, I woke up with a miserable head cold. I slogged through work and then fell into my jammies as soon as I got home. She called me and asked if I was going to join them. I said no because I was sick and miserable.

She got upset and complained that they had already purchased my ticket for me and it was nonrefundable. I heard her husband grousing in the background about me being rude. I asked if they would be able to find someone to buy the ticket off of them so that they aren't out money. If they couldn't find anyone to take the ticket, I would load up with Kleenex and cold meds and make the best of it.

She called me back and told me that they found someone to take the ticket but that she was disappointed by my backing out of plans. I did not think that the plans were set as I never said that I was definitely going prior to her buying my ticket. I never asked or even hinted to her to buy a ticket for me. I apologized  for any confusion but I don't think I could have made myself any clearer than I already had.

Was there a better way I could have handled this?

If she called to see if you were going to join them she wasn't sure whether or not you were going, so why on earth did she buy the ticket?  Also you did say you would get back to them to let them know whether you were going, so not hearing from you should have been some kind of clue.  Next time I think I would call and let someone know that our tentative plans were off, though.

[Alida]

You never committed.  What in the world gave them the right to buy you a ticket?  I don't see anything in what you said that indicated that you asked them to do that.

[kathrynne]

Oh, c'mon Snotface! You should've doped up and gone--tissues, toddy and lozenges in hand. Perhaps in your flannel footed jammies and bathrobe? That way you could've sneezed, sniffled, coughed and wheezed your way through the performance while shrugging at everyone's icy glares because you've become the star of the show.

(I hope it's obvious how hard I leaned on the sarcasm button there.)

You had committed to nothing. Kick back, relax and take some steam.

[Lunadiana75]

I am willing to be anything that the entire audience, and the cast of the play are grateful you stayed home to nurse your head cold.  1) You hadn't fully committed yet 2) It's not like you ditched them for "something better" head colds are beyond control. 

[veryfluffy]

Oh gawd. You just reminded me of a time many years ago when I had bought a ticket for a play to see the next day, and I woke up with exactly that kind of horrible, feverish head cold. I ended up going to the play, feeling like I was going to pass out, sitting in the stuffy theatre and trying not to snivel too much. I have no idea what play it was, but ever since I have had a phobia about booking anything in advance.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I agree that you definitely didnt commit so it's on her about purchasing the ticket.

I dont know what is normal in your circle of friends, but perhaps you could have let her know that you wouldnt be going as soon as you knew that you wouldnt make it?

It sounds like you were going to purchase a ticket at the theater for that night's performance, so the only thing I can think of is that perhaps she was afraid that the tickets would have been sold out, and wanted to make sure that you had a seat close to them...

[Lisbeth]

You hadn't committed yourself, and even if you had, illness is a very acceptable reason for backing out of plans.  You probably did her and everyone else at the theater a favor by not exposing them to your illness.

It was inconsiderate of her to whine and complain, especially since she bought the ticket without confirming that you were actually going to be able to join her.

[Chocolate Cake]

Yes, she was unreasonable.

However, the one thing you did wrong is fail to get back to her like you promised.   You left her hanging until past the end of the workday, which was inconsiderate.   I can see, in her mind, she was thinking that if she didn't get the ticket by such and such a time, you wouldn't get to go if you then called and said you were going to join them.   She was left in no man's land really.  So, she took the chance and got you the ticket.

So, while you're not obligated to pay for the ticket and certainly weren't obligated to go while sick, I do think you ought to own up to your part of this fiasco and apologize for not getting back to her in a reasonable period of time and putting her in that position.

[MineralDiva]

I agree with the other posters.  You handled it fine.  It was she who handled it ungraciously.  If she was going to be nice and purchase a ticket so you could go, she could have told you that, when she invited you.  Then you could have said, "I'll pay you back later, thanks!" 

Only then, would you be on the hook for the cost of the ticket, had you been unable to attend, for whatever reason...seeing as how they were non-refundable.

By the way, I'm curious now.  You mentioned that the tickets were "expensive" for a Community Theatre production.  May I ask what they charged?  (Not trying to be terribly nosy...I just happen to have a theatre company, and am interested in what others consider reasonable or unreasonable as a ticket price to attend a performance.)

[Slartibartfast]

I guess I'm confused - was she expecting you to pay her back for the ticket, or was it a "gift" because you had mentioned the prices were a bit high for you?  And were the tickets for specific seats, or general seating?

If they were for specific seats, I can see why she would have gone ahead and bought the tickets all together - although she shouldn't have waited until the last day to ask you.  Maybe a different friend cancelled on her, she was stuck with the ticket, and was hoping you'd come and use it?

[Emmy]

I do agree that you left her hanging when you didn't call her back.  Although that did put her in an awkward spot, she should have called you, given you a time to get back to her, and if she didn't hear from you then should have just purchased her tickets and not yours.  If I was in her situation, I would have been annoyed not to hear back from you, but I also would have called you to get confirmation if you were going before purchasing your ticket (or purchased my ticket if I couldn't get a hold of you). 

You really never told her whether you are going or not so she had no right to purchase your ticket then be angry at you when you decided not to go for a very valid reason.  She's angry because she jumped to the conclusion you wanted the ticket when in reality that is not what happened.  I feel that when she found out you were sick, she should have been more sympathetic about you not being able to attend the play (especially since they found somebody else).  I do you should apologize about not getting back to her sooner and leave her hanging with purchasing the tickets.

I have a headcold so I can relate to how bad it feels.  Going to a preformance sick would not be fun for you, and the sneezing, nose blowing, and all other the joys of being sick would not be appreciated by anyone else in the audience (especially those in close proximity).

[sandy]

It sounds like maybe this  was somehow a misunderstanding, which does sometimes happen, perhaps she just for whatever reason remembered it differently and t hought you said you would call if you weren't able to go, or whatever. Those things happen from time to time, and the other person could have sworn you said such and such and you know you didn't. FOr those type of things, I just try and allow for that possibility, that she misunderstood and thought yo uwould be going along, so I would just call her up and even though you didnt do anything wrong, kindly apologize and say that you're sorry for the misunderstanding, and you had meant to convey you were not sure if you'd be attending, but want her to know it was thoughtful to get the tickets nad thank you type of thing.