This was a bit awkward

[Groundsgirl]

By the way, I'm curious now.  You mentioned that the tickets were "expensive" for a Community Theatre production.  May I ask what they charged?  (Not trying to be terribly nosy...I just happen to have a theatre company, and am interested in what others consider reasonable or unreasonable as a ticket price to attend a performance.)

These tickets were $25 for unreserved seating. That is about $10 higher than what is typical for other theatre companies in my town. I don't know how that compares to other towns but for us, $25 is way too high.

As for calling her back earlier, my job does not allow me to make personal calls. When I got home was the soonest I would have been able to call and she was well aware of that.

[kathrynne]

As for calling her back earlier, my job does not allow me to make personal calls. When I got home was the soonest I would have been able to call and she was well aware of that.

Even if I'm at a job where personal phone calls are possible, I don't make them except for very important things (this would not have qualified), and I discourage people I know from calling while I'm at work.

The one time Mom called at work for something that wasn't an emergency was the day my college degree finally arrived in the mail. For some reason, two years a much red tape after graduating that was important enough to warrant a call. 

[Groundsgirl]

Even if I'm at a job where personal phone calls are possible, I don't make them except for very important things (this would not have qualified), and I discourage people I know from calling while I'm at work.

I have issues with that.

The nature of my job make it fairly difficult to even answer the phone when it rings. I teach special ed pre-k in an autism classroom. I am on my feet running around all stinking day and my husband STILL insists on calling me and asking me questions that can easily wait. My cell is turned off until I get home and I always turn it on to several voice mails from him.

[kathrynne]

Even if I'm at a job where personal phone calls are possible, I don't make them except for very important things (this would not have qualified), and I discourage people I know from calling while I'm at work.

I have issues with that.

The nature of my job make it fairly difficult to even answer the phone when it rings. I teach special ed pre-k in an autism classroom. I am on my feet running around all stinking day and my husband STILL insists on calling me and asking me questions that can easily wait. My cell is turned off until I get home and I always turn it on to several voice mails from him.

Doncha just HATE that? Then again, it took years to get DH into the habit of calling me at home (from his cell) to say he was leaving work. If he had a normal schedule I wouldn't need that, but he could arrive home anywhere from 2:00 to 8:00 and it's nice to have some idea when to prep a meal.

[MsEva]

As for calling her back earlier, my job does not allow me to make personal calls. When I got home was the soonest I would have been able to call and she was well aware of that.
[/quote]

You don't get a break or a lunch period where you could make a call? I've never heard of that before. Just curious, because that almost sounds illegal.

[Twik]

The nature of my job make it fairly difficult to even answer the phone when it rings. I teach special ed pre-k in an autism classroom. I am on my feet running around all stinking day and my husband STILL insists on calling me and asking me questions that can easily wait. My cell is turned off until I get home and I always turn it on to several voice mails from him.

He knows you keep your cell phone turned off, and still calls several times a day? What was it Einstein said about insanity being doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?

[Slartibartfast]

As for calling her back earlier, my job does not allow me to make personal calls. When I got home was the soonest I would have been able to call and she was well aware of that.

You don't get a break or a lunch period where you could make a call? I've never heard of that before. Just curious, because that almost sounds illegal.

Legally (at least in the US), you have to get one 30-minute unpaid lunch during an 8-hour-or-longer shift.  There is no mandated shorter break time, although many places do allow some 5, 10, 15, or 30 minute breaks during the day.  I don't get lunch or a break either - I could theoretically take an unpaid hour lunch, but since I'm the only person at my library I'd have to close down.  So I eat at my desk, but if it's a busy day I just come home and make DH cook dinner :-P

[Groundsgirl]

I do have a lunch break.

However, on a typical day I am multitasking during that time. I prefer not to do my paperwork after work hours if I can help it and so it is just easier for me to do my lesson plans and other things while I am in my classroom. Otherwise I have to transfer documents to and from home and I would rather not do that.

[MsEva]

I do have a lunch break.

However, on a typical day I am multitasking during that time. I prefer not to do my paperwork after work hours if I can help it and so it is just easier for me to do my lesson plans and other things while I am in my classroom. Otherwise I have to transfer documents to and from home and I would rather not do that.

So, you could have made a quick phone call to tell your friend that you weren't feeling well and definitely would not be attending the play. You chose not to do that. I am still not excusing your friend's attitude and she shouldn't have gotten the ticket without firm confirmation from you. I just know that I would be a tad bummed if a friend left me hanging on tentative plans when they knew hours in advence that they wouldn't be keeping them. To me that is another way of saying that my time, life, choices, etc. are not as important as theirs and that it didn't matter to them if I could make other plans and that is insulting.

[bibbety]

MissEva you seem to be missing the fact that the OP was going to buy her own ticket if she was going to go. She did not expect them to go out and purchase a ticket for her. I'd say it sounds like an misunderstanding not the OP being rude.

[MsEva]

I am not missing anything. Re read my posts. The OP had told her friend that she would let her know if she would be attending. My only issue with the OP is that she could have let her friend know much earlier that she would not be going. The ticket and how it was paid for has no bearing on not calling in a timely fashion when the OP realized that it just wasn't going to happen.

[MineralDiva]

<<The OP had told her friend that she would let her know if she would be attending.>>

To me, this means:  Unless I call to tell you otherwise, I will not be able to go.

The friend should have assumed that the OP would not be joining her, based on their face-to-face conversation.  The OP was not "rude" for neglecting to call and confirm what she'd already said...unless something had changed and she would have been able to attend after all.

The person who bought the additional ticket, bears the responsibility for doing so, when she'd already been told that the OP most likely wouldn't be able to accompany her.  Whether that was for financial reasons or other reasons.

The ticket purchaser's behavior was a passive-aggressive way of attempting to get what she wanted...regardless of the OP's indications otherwise.  As well meaning as that may have been, it was rude of the ticket purchaser to go ahead with the purchase on the OP's behalf, without express permission to do so.

ETA:  Had the ticket purchaser said to the OP beforehand:  "It may be a sold-out performance, so I want to make sure you have a ticket.  I'll be going to the box-office by x o'clock tomorrow to get seats for all of us, and you can pay me back whenever.  Please let me know before I leave for the box-office, if you won't be able to join us.  Otherwise, you're all set with a ticket."

The OP could have said "yes" or "no" to the arrangement right there...or agreed to call with a firm answer, by the time the ticket purchaser left to go get the tickets for all of them.  Only then would the OP be considered "rude" for not calling...and also be responsible for paying the cost of the ticket purchased on her behalf, for neglecting to do so.

And even if the OP suddenly became ill and couldn't attend, she'd still be responsible for paying for her ticket.

[kathrynne]

<<The OP had told her friend that she would let her know if she would be attending.>>

To me, this means:  Unless I call to tell you otherwise, I will not be able to go.

The friend should have assumed that the OP would not be joining her, based on their face-to-face conversation.  The OP was not "rude" for neglecting to call and confirm what she'd already said...unless something had changed and she would have been able to attend after all.

The person who bought the additional ticket, bears the responsibility for doing so, when she'd already been told that the OP most likely wouldn't be able to accompany her.  Whether that was for financial reasons or other reasons.

The ticket purchaser's behavior was a passive-aggressive way of attempting to get what she wanted...regardless of the OP's indications otherwise.  As well meaning as that may have been, it was rude of the ticket purchaser to go ahead with the purchase on the OP's behalf, without express permission to do so.

ETA:  Had the ticket purchaser said to the OP beforehand:  "It may be a sold-out performance, so I want to make sure you have a ticket.  I'll be going to the box-office by x o'clock tomorrow to get seats for all of us, and you can pay me back whenever.  Please let me know before I leave for the box-office, if you won't be able to join us.  Otherwise, you're all set with a ticket."

The OP could have said "yes" or "no" to the arrangement right there...or agreed to call with a firm answer, by the time the ticket purchaser left to go get the tickets for all of them.  Only then would the OP be considered "rude" for not calling...and also be responsible for paying the cost of the ticket purchased on her behalf, for neglecting to do so.

And even if the OP suddenly became ill and couldn't attend, she'd still be responsible for paying for her ticket.

ITA, wholeheartedly.

[MsEva]

<<The OP had told her friend that she would let her know if she would be attending.>>

To me, this means:  Unless I call to tell you otherwise, I will not be able to go.

I tend to take people at their word. So unless someone stated that their default answer was "no" unless they called I would believe that they truly were undecided and would let me know one way or the other. It's really not so hard to clearly state what one means.

The friend should have assumed that the OP would not be joining her, based on their face-to-face conversation.  The OP was not "rude" for neglecting to call and confirm what she'd already said...unless something had changed and she would have been able to attend after all.

The OP should have been more clear.

The person who bought the additional ticket, bears the responsibility for doing so, when she'd already been told that the OP most likely wouldn't be able to accompany her.  Whether that was for financial reasons or other reasons.

I totally agree that the friend should eat the ticket and that she was stupid for buying it without a firm commitment.

The ticket purchaser's behavior was a passive-aggressive way of attempting to get what she wanted...regardless of the OP's indications otherwise.  As well meaning as that may have been, it was rude of the ticket purchaser to go ahead with the purchase on the OP's behalf, without express permission to do so.

I have no sympathy for the purchaser being out money.

ETA:  Had the ticket purchaser said to the OP beforehand:  "It may be a sold-out performance, so I want to make sure you have a ticket.  I'll be going to the box-office by x o'clock tomorrow to get seats for all of us, and you can pay me back whenever.  Please let me know before I leave for the box-office, if you won't be able to join us.  Otherwise, you're all set with a ticket."

The OP could have said "yes" or "no" to the arrangement right there...or agreed to call with a firm answer, by the time the ticket purchaser left to go get the tickets for all of them.  Only then would the OP be considered "rude" for not calling...and also be responsible for paying the cost of the ticket purchased on her behalf, for neglecting to do so.

The fact is that the OP was not clear and did not give a "yes" or "no". I think that the OP was rude for not calling. I do not think and have never thought that the OP was rude for not attending.

And even if the OP suddenly became ill and couldn't attend, she'd still be responsible for paying for her ticket.

I am amazed that there are people that think that leaving someone hanging is OK. Take the ticket totally out of the equasion. If this were an invitation to dinner at someone's home, meeting for drinks at a bar, going to see a movie, or just about any other scenario that has been posted on Ehell forever - the majority of people would be asking the same question: "If you knew in the beginning of the day that you were sick and wouldn't make it, then why did you wait until after you got off of work to let them know?"

What is so hard about saying "no"? Or "I don't think I can, but I'll let you know if that changes. Please don't use me in your decision." I do it all the time as do my friends.

[MineralDiva]

From the OP:

<<<<She asked if I wanted to go.

I said that I would have to see if I could afford the ticket (they tend to run a bit high for a community theatre) and I would get back to her today and let her know if I would be able to join them. She said that was fine.>>>

Okay, Ms.Eva.  You're right.  She should have called, one way or the other.  The was what she agreed to do. 

<<<She called me right after I changed and asked if I was going to join them. I said no because I was sick and miserable.

She got upset and complained that they had already purchased my ticket for me and it was nonrefundable.>>>

When the ticket purchaser didn't hear back from the OP, she could have also called to confirm plans..before presuming to purchase a ticket for her.

You're also right that it is not the "ticket" that is the issue.  Assumptions were made on both parts, that were not in agreement, and no firm plans were made.

When the ticket purchaser did not receive the agreed upon confirmation of plans, she should have made a call to do so herself. 

I can certainly see where the confusion came from, on the part of the ticket purchaser.  But when she finally DID get a firm answer, and it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she should have been more gracious about it.  After all, she assumed facts not completely in evidence.  And part of the onus was on her to make sure of the facts, before doing what she did.