Coworker and my last name

[twinkletoes]

Oh, wow - I really hope you're all wrong with regard to the theory that he might have a crush on me! 

But seriously, thank you for the good advice.  It's really uncomfortable for me, and this is just so bizarre.  As I mentioned before, I can understand if I had *just* gotten married, but this has been quite some time now. 

[Athos_000]

I agree that after two years it is totally creepy. Actually after the first few times it would bother me. I would call him out on it.

"I have told you repeatedly that my name is now twinkletoes newlastname, why do you insist on calling me twinkletoes oldlastname?"

Maybe embarassing him will make him stop.

[WithoutIssue]

You know that sort of behaviour could be construed as harassment. It sounds like an attempt to belittle you, as if you are not considered important enough to for him to bother getting your name right. You say your maiden name was difficult to pronounce, did he ever get that correct?

I'd ensure he has a written request from you (e-mail with read receipt perhaps) to use your correct name and if he persists in these petty games, talk to HR.

[MerryRaven]

twinkletoes:
On your name change.

As one of the old biddies who was around in the late 60's and 70's at the start of the modern Feminist movement sneering at someone who changes their name when they marry makes my hair catch on fire.

At least what I wanted and what I understand the movement to encourage women to have choices.

By choices I mean:

Get married or don't get married
Keep your name, hyphenate, take his name.
Stay home and have babies
Go to work and have babies
Don't have babies and either stay home or go to work.
Breast feed or bottle feed your babies if you have them
Work at whatever job you can qualify for, but only for the same pay as men recieve for the same qualifications.
And while you are at work you don't have to put up with harassing behavior by men.

And that is what this guy is doing so tell him to knock it off. 

My ideal of feminism was that people (men and women both, by the way) should arrange their lives the way they thought best with no barriers. 

I know, like most movements it got bogged down and got in to politics and pinpointed on one issue conundrums that I won't mention because they are political.

Conflict between name changers and name keepers;
SAHM and Working outside the home moms;
Breastfeeders and Bottlefeeders;
Natural Childbirth and Total Sensory Deprivation with back up drugs birth advocates;
and so on, and so on
Well it just has to stop; ideally

I just think except for legal things, we as a society and individuals should just stop telling other people how to live their lives.  I know the bug is in the legal things which gets political and then it gets complicated.  It really is just an ideal.

(falls off soapbox and quietly hides under it)

[dabushka]

I also agree with KeenReader.  I also asgree with just looking at the co-working and saying that is getting very old.  I changed my name its time to get over that, and get off the joking around about the name change,  life is to short to act like a child....  just my opinon.   Dabushka

[Suze]

(picks up a soapbox and finds KeenReader under it)

You can come out now - I think it's safe.

I agree with what you have said and I think that this Boy (mental age) needs a wake up call.

Refuse to answer to your old name.  tell him to get a life. and grow up.  This is best done in front of several of his "buddies"  (in my opinion)

It seems you have tried the gentle approch, let him have the big guns

[Lisbeth]

(picks up a soapbox and finds KeenReader under it)

You can come out now - I think it's safe.

I agree with what you have said and I think that this Boy (mental age) needs a wake up call.

<rubbing sides where soapbox dug into skin>  Thanks, that was really digging into my ribs.  I just don't fit well in that small an enclosed space.  I've been dieting, but I guess I'll have to fast the next time I want to do this. 

[Suze]

next time you have to try hiding under a barrel -- they are much roomier.  <grin>

[Browyn]

I have a co-worker who did something similar to me.  He insisted on using a different version of my first name because he heard me tell someone I despised it.

For example if my whole legal name was Beth he would call me Elizabeth repeatedly and when I correctly him (nicely) he acted all put out because "Browyn can't take a joke"

So I picked out a feminine version of his name (think Edwina instead of Ed) and called him that all the time.  And got other people to call him that too (he is not well liked because of his attitude).

Funny, he didn't like it when the joke was on him.  He also learned to use my correct name.

I know it was a little rude and PA, but it worked (lol)

[Telmereth]

He's fixated, plain and simple.
Is it possible he hasn't encountered someone changing their name before? This might explain why he finds it so fascinating.
When a friend of mine 'came out' as being gay, a few people made reference to it in literally every conversation with him. It turned out that the idea of knowing 'a gay person' was so novel to these people that they just had to keep mentioning it. I feel this might be a similar situation.
There might also be an element of him feeling like having a joky, nickname-calling relationship with a coworker is important and therefore he has found his way of doing it with you. It's a shame he picked something so irritating, but I don't think there's anything subversive behind it. Just kindly tell him that you'd like him to stop using your 'old' name, but "a lot of my friends call me xxx" so that he still feels part of the gang!

[twinkletoes]

Telmereth:  He's well into his 40s, his *wife* took his last name, so I really don't get why he's so fascinated with it. 

I would like to confront him the next time it comes up, but he's the sort of person who will brush it off as "I was just joking!"

He does other things to me - he will scream at me if there is an extra space in his reports (which I did not put there...), he will berate me to finish reports, etc.  He's a worthless piece of garbage, in my opinion. 

[girlmusic]

... At least what I wanted and what I understand the movement to encourage women to have choices.

AMEN SISTER! To me that is the entire point - that we have choices, not which choice we make. 

(Says hypenated married lady who currently earns more than her husband and splits household chores evenly with him)

[Telmereth]

Ah. Well okay, I'll stop defending him then!
And since you've now filled me in on the rest of his delightful character, my tune is officially changed!
Perhaps you could respond to his 'I was only joking' with a polite warning that if he can't restrain himself from 'joking' you will be taking further action?

[Tabris]

He does other things to me - he will scream at me if there is an extra space in his reports (which I did not put there...), he will berate me to finish reports, etc.  He's a worthless piece of garbage, in my opinion. 

Any chance you could scream right back at him that you will stop "putting" extra spaces in his reports when he's smart enough to remember your proper last name?

Next time he says he's joking, you can laugh and say, "Oh, we're JOKING? Then you're a schmuck. HA-HA! I love this! What else shall we joke about?"

[audhs]

It just seems that in real-life, if I mention "oh, I've changed my last name," I get a lecture about how I'm setting the women's movement back (if that's all it takes to set the women's movement back, we're all in BIG trouble!).  I suppose I'm rather defensive about it and don the flame-proof suit right from the get-go.

I changed my name too and Got the same kind of lecture from some women I worked with.  About how I didn't "Have" to change my name I should really consider not doing it as I would be losing part of my identity. 

Do you react everytime he does it?  He might just be one of those pita's who take pleasure in getting a rise out of you.  If that's the case maybe you should just ignore it, he obviously knows your married name so correcting him just rewards him for his efforts.