Partial Rant - Partial Question - DS driving me nuts

[Oscarfish]

Hello

I have been a lurker for some time, but don't post often.

Anyway - the post about grades the other day and then an e-mail conversation with my 14 yo DS's teacher made me want to come and get some feedback.

Rant first .....

Why, OH, Why can't DS help himself just a little. I am so sick of him not bringing home school work and never getting anything turned in on time. I am so sick of him flat out lying about whether or not he has work to do. I am sick of feeling like we aren't doing enough because we can't be there after school every day to make sure he is bringing home the correct books. I am sick of teachers who are more than happy to tell you what he isn't doing, but don't seem to be able to give us all the information before hand. I am sick of having to instigate every contact with the school, just once can they be proactive. I am sick of the constant frustration of knowing that he could do better...we aren't asking a B child to get A's - We are asking a D-E child to turn in his work and get C's. We are asking for a little help from the school. We can't help him unless we know what to look for. We have been finghting this with DS his entire school career, we had 1 good year - otherwise he seems to fall through the cracks - The teachers rave about how quiet he is, but since he is not acting out, or as bad assignment wise as some of his peers he seems to be forgotten which suits him just fine.

OK - Rant over - My question is this apathy something that all his generation seem to have?  Is it harder for him to do what he needs to do because of his peer group?

I am not looking for excuses, I am trying to figure out what we can possibly do to help him help himself. Also, we are not talking about a kid who gets everthing he wants either, no bedroom TV, we don't own any working game station, he does have a 6 year old Gameboy Color, and we do have a family pc.

Thanks for 'listening' to the rant and for any other replies.

BKR

[Sharnita]

I don't think your son is particularly abnormal in his apathy. Tha is part of the problem the school has being what you term "proactive". Your frustrated by your one apathetic kid. Understandable. HIs teachers are dealing with maybe anywhere from 5 to 25 a day. In addition they have district, state and federal hoops they are required to jump through over and over again. They don't really have any more insight into his mind than you do. Bottom line: he doesn't do his work. The school has even less power to punish and reward than you do. As you already know it is impossible to force a kid to perform.

My sister was a lot like you son. It took about 5 years of working and supporting herself before she went to college and got serious. Some people learn the hard way by experiencing consequences. It sounds like your son is one of them. Keep doing what you're doing.

[Buffy2424]

is this apathy something that all his generation seem to have?  Is it harder for him to do what he needs to do because of his peer group?

It's quite common.  At that age some are preoccupied by their feelings or moodiness (manifests in video games, music, etc).  My brother, now in his early 20s, was very much as you described when he was 14. 

My parents worried about him.  At one point they thought it was his equally apathetic friends (personally I don't think that was more than a coincidence, or symptom at most).  He continued to be completely non-academic all throughout high school.  If it helps: They were dismayed that he didn't want to go to college, but he proceeded to become a very serious-minded and hardworking police officer.

[Lisbeth]

I was like that when I was a teenager.  I didn't feel motivated to do my homework and got low grades.  I was under pressure to get high grades so I could get into a good school and get good jobs (good meaning "well-paying") which I took with a heap of salt, because my father was always either unemployed or in danger of losing his job, and he had gone to a top 10 school and had an MBA.

And, yes, I was distracted by TV, books, movies, music, and friends.

I am now dealing with the consequences of those decisions I made as a teenager.  I don't have the money, prestige, or life that I really wished I would have back then.

I guess life is the best teacher and motivator of all-the hard way.  Sigh.

[Madd Hatter]

You are not the only one, DS1 is the same way too.  Our school district has done something about it tho, they have a program where parents get a password and can go online and see what child has and has not turned in, what their grades are currently and such.  That way you can see just where your kid is standing.  Could your school implement something like that maybe?