Absolutely Disgusting

[Clara Bow]

I was shocked and appalled at the behavior of an acquaintance recently. Before I launch into the story I want to warn everyone that the following contains a vile Antisemetic behavior that some may find difficult. It also has what may have been bad behavior on my part.
In my little circle of friends there is a young man who is Jewish (Bill). He's a very nice kid and very well-liked. There is another kid who is not Jewish and cannot seem to continue life on earth without slamming Bill every chance he gets. His behavior is offensive to all of us, but Bill takes it in stride and has asked us not to sweat it, as that will be giving Zitbrain the attention that he wants.
But I could not hold my silence the other day. Bill was sitting in the student lounge with us, talking and relaxing. Zitbrain walked up and started tossing change at Bill, crowing about how Bill would leap up and catch the money, calling him "Jewboy" etc.
I lost my cool completely. Bill got up and moved over to another set of seats to ignore Zitbrain. I coralled Zitbrain and told him in no uncertain terms that that was the last time I would sit by and allow him to defame Bill and Bill's chosen faith any further. I told him that what he had done and the things he had done in the past were grossly unacceptable and that if he continued, or ever let me hear him say "Jewboy" again he'd be picking his teeth up off his tennis shoes. Period. Zitbrain started whining that it was just a joke, and that Bill didn't mind and where was my sense of humor. I repeated myself and he wandered off to sulk.
Bill thanked me for the intervention but commented that I had given Zitbrain something to sulk about and that Zitbrain was happiest when sulking. Was I wrong here? Bill was not the only person offended, a couple people actually walked outside with disgust. I just can't stand slurs, or racist behavior and I had had a belly full of it. We all joke, Bill jokes about being Jewish as well (he saw me eating a ham sandwich and started pretending to hide from the "evil" ham, light humor. Nothing blatantly cruel) but Zitbrain's tone has never been all in good fun, it's always nasty.
I want to know what you guys think of my behavior. Was I wrong to step in even though Bill had told me that Zitbrain wasn't worth my time?

[Lisbeth]

I get the feeling from your post that Bill didn't *mind* if you stepped in, but didn't think Zitbrain's name-calling was worth making a stink about, so he felt it was your call.  So IMO you did fine.

If he specifically told you, "Auntie Venom, please stay out of this, it's between me and Zitbrain," I think that's a signal that you'd better leave it alone because he has his own plans for handling it, he thinks there could be crossfire (figuratively meant here), and doesn't want you to get caught in it.

[Clara Bow]

I didn't think Bill minded either. That was the first time Zitbrain got that extreme...that I was present anyway. I found his behavior intolerable and I am not the kind of person to let someone be mistreated.

[MerryRaven]

Okay, I think you were right to stand up and say you thought the behavior unacceptable.  

I think you might have been a bit forceful.

I decided a while back that I would not allow hate speech around me.

Now when someone says something negative and sterotypical about a any group, I say I find it offensive.  

If the perpetrator says that it is a joke and the victim doesn't mind I simply reply that I don't think the joke is funny and that I mind.

You can tell Bill that you just find that kind of behavior about anyone offensive and will not tolerate it.

Bill is allowed to joke about being Jewish because he is Jewish.  

Just as I am allowed to joke about Lutefisk and the white food gene because I am Swedish.

[kathrynne]

It's one thing if I poke fun at myself for being Scotch-Irish, and quite another for someone to accuse me of being a cheap drunkard since that's the stereotype. That's how I see Bill's hiding from your "evil ham."

Some of these idiots actually seem to think it's okay if they pretend to be joking. The one time I heard my SIL use that particular epithet in my home I was down her throat in no time, telling her I had better not ever hear that "word" again. She claimed a Jewish former boyfriend had told her it was a term of endearment, but even "honey" wasn't a term of endearment the way she spat out "Jewboy."

Some people need to learn that you just don't run around spewing this stuff, even if your target chooses to keep quiet and endure it. I think you did well, especially if it makes the jerk stop being such a jerk.

Though, considering the circumstances my threat might have been more along of the lines of a "radical circumcision."  ;-)

[jfulle5]

If he sulks, let him. I think you did the right thing because he was doing these nasty things toward Bill and he might of thought others didnt mind. You put him in his place and spoke for the group. That was great. Now he has no more excuses for his "jokes" because he knows that NO ONE finds them funny.

[Lunadiana75]

I honestly would have done the same thing in your shoes.  I can't stand hearing any racial slurs or so called racial "jokes" and I will call a person on it, same goes with any type prejudiced speach. 

Yeah sure, I can joke as well as the next person.  I'm of German heritage so I joke that my need to constantly organize everything and my control freak nature is in my blood.  I also have a dear and very close friend who is Jewish and we endlessly tease each other in a good natured way.  I keep asking where the location of the bunker that controls the world's money supply is (a nod to David Cross), and he'll respond with "Shhhhhh! No gentile is supposed to know about that!"

But if I witnessed someone treating my friend the way zitbrain did, I would interfere and tell that person off.  No one, but no one, insults my friends in my presence. 

[EvilAlice]

I decided a while back that I would not allow hate speech around me.

Now when someone says something negative and sterotypical about a any group, I say I find it offensive. 

Exactly.  Frankly, it wasn't Bill's call to make, since he wasn't the only one being subjected to this vile behavior.  It would be pretty sad if the only people "allowed" to take offense at things like this were the targeted group.

Also, ignoramuses like Zitbrain are far more likely to think twice about that kind of behavior if they see it offends what they consider as "regular" people.  He knew he was being offensive to Jews and didn't care.  Maybe he'll care a little bit now that he is aware that his behavior was offensive to pretty much any decent human being.

I hope he was horribly embarrassed.

[Clara Bow]

Thanks for the advice. I was strident, and I freely admit it. But I have had it with Zitbrain's behavior. It's not just his attitude toward Bill, there are other things he has done that have irked everyone to no end.
Bill and others have joked about his Judaism (the evil ham being a large one, we "menace" him with ham sandwiches and he carries on about it) but there is no harm intended and Bill's in on the joke. It's never made at his expense. Unless Zitbrain is involved.
Other members of our group have pretty much ostracized Zitbrain and Bill won't be in the same room with him any longer.

[megswsu]

What Zitbrain did was unacceptable. I joke w/my stepmom all the time about her being Jewish, but that's all it is. Joking. Throwing change at someone and calling them a "jewboy" is NOT joking. You had every right to be offended. And you weren't being offended "for" Bill. You found his behavior wrong and called him on it. While Bill chose to ignore it, which was fine since that was his choice, you had every right to get upset since it upset you. And if Zitbrain does this on a regular basis, then I'm sure it was just a matter of time anyway. Hopefully you gave him something to think about in terms of acceptable social interation.

[NEDESAPIO]

I can't stand hearing any racial slurs or so called racial "jokes" and I will call a person on it, same goes with any type prejudiced speach. 

Reminds me of a quote (I can't recall who said it):  "There are no jokes, there is only truth."

AuntieVenom:  I think you did the right thing.  I'm very sensitive about antisemitism, and I'm not even Jewish.

[Clara Bow]

That's the kicker, I am not Jewish or related to any Jewish people either. But every time I hear Antisemitism I think about six million lives lost in the Holocaust, and the millions murdered in pogroms and persecutive measures throughout the history of the world. Suffice it to say I felt that I had to make a stand, my conscience would be satisfied by nothing less.

[sparksals]

Thanks for the advice. I was strident, and I freely admit it. But I have had it with Zitbrain's behavior. It's not just his attitude toward Bill, there are other things he has done that have irked everyone to no end.
Bill and others have joked about his Judaism (the evil ham being a large one, we "menace" him with ham sandwiches and he carries on about it) but there is no harm intended and Bill's in on the joke. It's never made at his expense. Unless Zitbrain is involved.
Other members of our group have pretty much ostracized Zitbrain and Bill won't be in the same room with him any longer.

I think zitbrain is a horrible person and you did the right thing. 

Could I ask that you insert paragraph breaks into your posts with a blank line separating each paragraph?  Your post was a tad difficult to read. 

[MineralDiva]

I think you did fine, Auntie.  I would have done the same thing.

[guihong]

I contrast this situation with Ko-Ko's post about good-natured joking, but someone got offended for her.  That person wasn't trying to offend her; Ko-Ko recognized that and found it funny.

Zitbrain, on the other hand, is either an idiot of the first degree, a truly nasty person, or both.  I think you did right.  If I had been there, he probably would have been ripped a new orifice somewhere.  And, for heaven's sake, what is he doing in your circle of friends?

gui