We put a lot of pressure on him... We're all starting to think he's somewhere on the lower than normal autistic spectrum. It's truly bizarre!
You know those times when you have a perfect response, just ages after the event has passed. Damnit! Can you be my personal writer and follow me round whispering funny one liners for me to say, please? What do you mean "Sorry, that wont be possible?" !!
"yet i still manage to pay for rounds of drinks on it."
We still tolerate him because... Well I do it to keep the peace. I'm a couple of years younger than all my friends- they were all friends at school, and I'm sort of "married in". I don't feel like an outsider in any way, in fact they are more likely to contact me that my boyfriend cos he's a bit useless at organising stuff, and letting me know what's planned... I just feel that they tend to have friendship loyalties that I do not because they've known each other for over a decade and I've only been around for half that.
My friends are simply too nice to shun people. All of them know what it is like to be an outsider (i.e. they were never the cool kids at school, but it's paying off for them now- they're all happy, healthy, bright and successful individuals compared to their classmates). How do you leave behind someone who you have grown up with for the sake of a few pints and a funny odour?
Hmm.. It's really tricky this one!
Social pressure doesn't have to be shunning (which, personally, I think too extreme except for murderers, abusers and other scum). However, the group doesn't have to passively accept his behaviour. If he is discussing someone else's finance, ignore him or change the subject - but make sure he feels uncomfortable. Have someone close to him take him to a corner and tell him where he is over stepping the boundaries.
By the way, what bothers me most is not the pints or odour (both can be tolerated with little more than a grumble) but humiliating a friend (calculating your salary), oweing a significant amount of money and bragging - way too much to put up with from only one person.
I don't demand that my friends be perfect - but I do believe in limits. This guy goes over them - and should be made aware of it.
I speak from experience - I was never the popular girl (quite the oposite), certainly an outsider and pretty much a loner. I am not the most sensitive person and I sometimes assume people will react as I do: very, very rationally. Several times, my friends have had to pull me aside and tell me that I was hurtful or insensitive. I still do so, but my friends know how much of an effort I put into avoiding doing these things and how profundly I will apologize if I feel I have hurt someone.
Perhaps the main point is that I try
to avoid these behaviours - your friend doesn't.ETA
: Telling these things to your friend may be best for him in the long run. He may not notice (as in my case) what he does and may sincerely not understand why other people outside his group avoid him. Once it is brought up and if he is willing to make the effort, it may have a good impact on his family, social and even work life.