Author Topic: That makes you a...  (Read 5957 times)

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Nanny Ogg

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That makes you a...
« on: January 14, 2008, 10:48:51 AM »
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« Last Edit: May 23, 2008, 04:34:14 AM by Daisy Chain »



MDefarge

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2008, 11:05:25 AM »
What a maroon! (to quote Bugs Bunny..lol) Seriously though, what a twit.

Shortcake

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2008, 12:10:48 PM »
ITA with irishbone!
"Carry out a random act of kindness, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."  Princess Diana

MDefarge

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2008, 12:12:40 PM »
ITA with irishbone!

hehe...actually it's IrishOne lol, not Irishbone - although that would be a *great* name for a band!

Nanny Ogg

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2008, 12:31:56 PM »
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« Last Edit: May 23, 2008, 04:34:34 AM by Daisy Chain »



Bethalize

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2008, 01:15:49 PM »
The thing is, this guy doesn't do these things with malace, its just he seems to have no clue. I just don't know what to do, without completely loosing my cool with him.

The intention may not be concious but the effect is the same. He may not have thought "Hey, I'll make Ms Lasenby feel bad about earning a little because I enjoy how that makes me feel" but he did it and enjoyed the effects anyway.

If someone is a genuinely nice person but clueless then hit them with the clue-by-four*. If you do and get no response, they ARE doing it deliberately.

*explain to them in a direct and clear manner what is and is not acceptable.

Nanny Ogg

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2008, 01:29:04 PM »

*explain to them in a direct and clear manner what is and is not acceptable.

But hitting him with something hard would be a lot more therapeutic.....



Twik

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2008, 02:01:40 PM »
Well, if the topic of how much money Stinkyboy makes comes up frequently, I'd start to make use of it:

"I make in one hour the equivalent of what you do in a week!"

"Great, you're buying the next round then!"

or

"I'm so rich, Bill Gates asks ME for loans!"

"Speaking of loans, I'd like my 170 pounds back. I notice there's an ATM right behind you."
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Shortcake

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2008, 02:55:19 PM »
ITA with irishbone!

hehe...actually it's IrishOne lol, not Irishbone - although that would be a *great* name for a band!

If I had to make a type-o, at least it was an amusing one!  ;D
"Carry out a random act of kindness, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."  Princess Diana

lady_disdain

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2008, 03:03:28 PM »
Why does the group still tolerate this person?

Social pressure has worked wonders for ages - apply some on him to shape up or move away.

Nanny Ogg

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2008, 03:44:37 PM »
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« Last Edit: May 23, 2008, 04:35:02 AM by Daisy Chain »



lady_disdain

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2008, 04:30:59 PM »
We put a lot of pressure on him... We're all starting to think he's somewhere on the lower than normal autistic spectrum. It's truly bizarre!

"yet i still manage to pay for rounds of drinks on it."
You know those times when you have a perfect response, just ages after the event has passed. Damnit! Can you be my personal writer and follow me round whispering funny one liners for me to say, please? What do you mean "Sorry, that wont be possible?" !!  ;)

We still tolerate him because... Well I do it to keep the peace.  I'm a couple of years younger than all my friends- they were all friends at school, and I'm sort of "married in". I don't feel like an outsider in any way, in fact they are more likely to contact me that my boyfriend cos he's a bit useless at organising stuff, and letting me know what's planned... I just feel that they tend to have friendship loyalties that I do not because they've known each other for over a decade and I've only been around for half that.

My friends are simply too nice to shun people. All of them know what it is like to be an outsider (i.e. they were never the cool kids at school, but it's paying off for them now- they're all happy, healthy, bright and successful individuals compared to their classmates).  How do you leave behind someone who you have grown up with for the sake of a few pints and a funny odour?

Hmm.. It's really tricky this one!

Social pressure doesn't have to be shunning (which, personally, I think too extreme except for murderers, abusers and other scum). However, the group doesn't have to passively accept his behaviour. If he is discussing someone else's finance, ignore him or change the subject - but make sure he feels uncomfortable. Have someone close to him take him to a corner and tell him where he is over stepping the boundaries.

By the way, what bothers me most is not the pints or odour (both can be tolerated with little more than a grumble) but humiliating a friend (calculating your salary), oweing a significant amount of money and bragging - way too much to put up with from only one person.

I don't demand that my friends be perfect - but I do believe in limits. This guy goes over them - and should be made aware of it.

I speak from experience - I was never the popular girl (quite the oposite), certainly an outsider and pretty much a loner. I am not the most sensitive person and I sometimes assume people will react as I do: very, very rationally. Several times, my friends have had to pull me aside and tell me that I was hurtful or insensitive. I still do so, but my friends know how much of an effort I put into avoiding doing these things and how profundly I will apologize if I feel I have hurt someone.

Perhaps the main point is that I try to avoid these behaviours - your friend doesn't.

ETA: Telling these things to your friend may be best for him in the long run. He may not notice (as in my case) what he does and may sincerely not understand why other people outside his group avoid him. Once it is brought up and if he is willing to make the effort, it may have a good impact on his family, social and even work life.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2008, 04:34:25 PM by lady_disdain »

LJM

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2008, 08:57:01 PM »
My friends are simply too nice to shun people. All of them know what it is like to be an outsider (i.e. they were never the cool kids at school, but it's paying off for them now- they're all happy, healthy, bright and successful individuals compared to their classmates).  How do you leave behind someone who you have grown up with for the sake of a few pints and a funny odour?

Hmm.. It's really tricky this one!

Have you heard of the Geek Social Fallacies?
http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

Quote
Geek Social Fallacy #1: Ostracizers Are Evil

GSF1 is one of the most common fallacies, and one of the most deeply held....In its non-pathological form, GSF1 is benign, and even commendable: it is long past time we all grew up and stopped with the junior high popularity games. However, in its pathological form, GSF1 prevents its carrier from participating in -- or tolerating -- the exclusion of anyone from anything... no matter how obnoxious, offensive, or aromatic the prospective excludee may be.

As a result, nearly every geek social group of significant size has at least one member that 80% of the members hate, and the remaining 20% merely tolerate. If GSF1 exists in sufficient concentration -- and it usually does -- it is impossible to expel a person who actively detracts from every social event.... You must put up with him, or you will be an Evil Ostracizer and might as well go out for the football team.

Of course, if the others DO enjoy his company, and see the occasional rude comment and the freeloading as minor irritations in what is otherwise an enjoyable friendship, then the GSF1 doesn't apply. But if they, like you, are just tolerating him because... well...  hey, what choice do we have? Then maybe...
« Last Edit: January 14, 2008, 09:00:40 PM by LJM »

Cydrius

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2008, 12:47:21 AM »
Quote
The worst part is that he still hasn't paid my other friend the 170sh he owes him for a ski lesson

That's taking the piste.

It probably wasn't intentional, but this threw me to the floor laughing.

You see, "piste" is, amongst other things the french word for "track", as in ski track.  ;D

Also, that guy needs a good clue by four right behind the head.

Nanny Ogg

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Re: That makes you a...
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2008, 07:22:33 AM »
Quote
The worst part is that he still hasn't paid my other friend the 170sh he owes him for a ski lesson

That's taking the piste.

It probably wasn't intentional, but this threw me to the floor laughing.

You see, "piste" is, amongst other things the french word for "track", as in ski track.  ;D

Also, that guy needs a good clue by four right behind the head.

Yup... That was intention :D Glad it made you smile. Made me giggle when I wrote it...

Oh, and I told everyone that idea about when he gets up to the loo ask him for a drink, then made the mistake of getting up to use the loo...

Cue one bright red face as all my friends giving me their FOOD AND DRINK orders! Really not impressed... (But I did get a round in!)
« Last Edit: January 16, 2008, 07:24:29 AM by Ms. Lasenby »