When to leave a rude persons house

[Migrainemilly]

I am new to this forum and this is my first post. (I am a little nervous!) Last night my husband and I went over to a married couple's house. I do not care for these people, but I went because my husband wanted me to go and because my husband "B" saw "Sally" and John" at a store and they begged him and I to go. Even though I do not like this couple I am always pleasant to them when I see them. Things were going fine at first that night because "Sally" was not present. As soon as she came in she made several passive aggressive jabs at me because I have not called her. (We were never close, we have little in common, and the phone works both ways) Sally would make a point to ask everyone but me if they wanted something to drink, etc. The whole night was a disaster. I wanted to leave right away because it was obvious Sally has a problem with me but she would not issue it in an adult manner. I tried to make up a lame excuse to leave, but I was wondering how you can politely leave a person's house when you feel uncomfortable without getting a one way ticket to etiquette hell. I have left out some of the details of the night because I do not want to be too long winded.

[guihong]

Next time, could you take husband aside and explain that you "don't feel well' and want to go home?  Then, explain that he is welcome to see the husband on his own time, but you do not seem to get along with "Sally", and so won't be attending get-togethers in the future.

gui

[Rose2Bear]

Fake a headache. While it doens't let the hostess on to the truth that it is her behavior that has made you want to leave, it will work none the less.

Of course, if your goal is to subtly alert the hostess that her behavior is what has turned you away, this becomes more difficult to relay. Perhaps just say "thank you for inviting us, but I think I am ready to go home now" and simply leave it at that. Your abruptness should give her a hint and if it does not, I would not worry about it because I'm guessing you are going to try to refrain from visiting this woman again in the future anyways.

ETA: I just noticed your name is "migraine milly." I didn't notice that when I told you to fake a headache! Perhaps you won't even have to fake it, huh.

[kathrynne]

Well, you're calling yourself "MigraineMilly," wouldn't a sudden migraine have worked, and without hurting anyone's feelings? A simple, "I'm not feeling too well" works for me, even if it's the hostess who's brought on the sudden discomfort.

[Migrainemilly]

If I could do it over I would go the headache route. Now I feel that I let that woman and her husband walk all over me all night without saying a word. Now I want to let her know I do not appreciate her rudeness. For example, she lectured me for ten minutes about how The Da Vinci Code was written before Angels and Demons in the Dan Brown series. I know it is the other way around. I suggested grabbing the book and checking the publishing date, but she refused and walked away in a huff. I thought this would be a good way to end the argument. I know I should let this and the other things go because after that I told my hubby I would not be socializing with this couple again. (Hooray!)

[Hawkwatcher]

Ten minutes arguing over when a novel was written?  I think that I would have a real headache after that.

[Migrainemilly]

I know! It was mostly her lecturing and me saying, "can't we just look it up?". (Which of course we never did) She is one of these people who insists she is always right no matter what. Most of the time in the past when I disagreed with some fact I just let it go, but that night I had to open my big mouth! Ha!

[twinkletoes]

I think you and your husband should establish a code for when it's time to leave.  I remember I learned that the hard way, after I wanted to leave a party for some reason, and I fibbed that we needed to wake up early the next morning.  What did my husband say?  "No, your doctor's appointment isn't until 11.  You have plenty of time to sleep in tomorrow!"  Lordy, was I mad.

But yes, definitely get a code word or something down between the two of you - and fake a headache if you need to.  I don't think it's rude to want to escape childish and inane behavior.

[Migrainemilly]

That is a really good idea. I was trying to talk to my husband in private without being rude and it was so hard. "Sally" went into the bedroom with her daughter and yelled for "John" to come back there. I do not know if they were talking about us or not, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. That and the fact that "John" made a point to extend a future invitation to everyone but us made me feel uneasy. Of course it hurts me but this is a couple who gave another couple false directions to the church at a friend's wedding. Then when the unwanted couple found the church, "Sally" and "John" whispered about them and made a plan to fill all the seats at the reception table, leaving the unwanted couple without any space to sit. When their plan fell through they stonewalled the poor couple. "Sally" was openly hostile to the clueless couple. It went so far that when "Sally's" friends left, she went to another table leaving her husband "John" at the table with the unwanted couple. (See why I was reluctant to socialize with these people? I went home and cried all night because I was so hurt at their boorishness) I think a code would definitely be a good for the future because after socializing with this couple I am skiddish to go to any dinner parties again!

[Cellardoor14]

I remember I learned that the hard way, after I wanted to leave a party for some reason, and I fibbed that we needed to wake up early the next morning.  What did my husband say?  "No, your doctor's appointment isn't until 11.  You have plenty of time to sleep in tomorrow!"  Lordy, was I mad.

Oh yes, I've had that happen as well.
I now go for the generic "I'm not feeling well."  'Cause honestly, I'm not by that point.

[twinkletoes]

Good on you!  What does your husband think of them?  I ask because he'll be more reluctant to work with a code if he says "but I like Sally and John!"

[kathrynne]

Unless it was the exact number and IP address for one of his servers, I would never be able to get DH to remember a code. 

[Squeaks]

“I need to get going – I have to get up early for work tomorrow”

“It’s getting late – it was so nice for you to have us. . . no really I insist – we will see you later”

“I have bad night vision – I want to get home before it gets dark”

“I’m sorry I forget my medication – I need to go take it”

“I promised my great aunt Fru-Fru that I would call her by X o’clock she is on her deathbed and worries, I have to go”

Of the passive aggressive

Turn to your husband when you have a second alone “honey I told you I did not want to come here, she is being rude, we need to leave, you brought us here, you get use out . .NOW” and tack on whatever persuasion work well with him.   Seriously he brought you he should have to deal with how to leave once they are rude to you.

Or you can text message someone on the sly to call you with some sort of “Emergency” if you get really desperate. 

[Pixie]

I simply whisper "diaper change"  to my husband. Usually this means "female trouble".... but over the years has become, "I want out of this situation"     That way, if questioned, Hubby will say, "She isn't feeling well, female trouble..."   No one has ever questioned it.   I used to love it when the kids were small and I could say the sitter was getting close to overtime pay!  Or the sitter has a curfew..... THAT one worked like a charm.   

Hubby and I have been married so long that often all I have to say is, "When." 

[FoxPaws]

Considering the behavior of these people - whispering, purposely misdirecting, creating cliques, etc. - you could just say you've already been through junior high school once and are leaving to go hang out with people your own emotional age.

Did your husband notice what was going on?