roomie damaged valuable table - vent

[OogaBooga]

Didn't think I'd have to post on this site, but due to the inevitable nature of living with a roommate, I've got an issue. 

Backstory: I have a solid cherry coffee table made by the Monitor Furniture Co (now out of business) that was passed on to me when I got my first apartment.  I didn't know the monetary value of the table, but I loved it because of its beautiful warm color and smooth finish.  It is well made and is one of the few pieces of furniture I'm planning to keep down the road. 

A couple months ago I got an apartment with a roommate for financial reasons.   I'm barely around the apartment due to grad school, and couldn't afford a place on my own.  I had reservations about putting the coffee table in the living room as it'd be more susceptible to wear and tear, but ultimately decided not to hoard it in my room because what's the point of having such a beautiful table and not displaying it?  (However, I am rarely in the living room as roomie usually watches tv and I have to study.) 

The other day I noticed some white water damaged areas on the top of the table from where my roommate had left a glass with condensation, as well as a couple other rings and spills on the table.  When my roomie came home last night, I asked her to please put a newspaper or catalog underneath any dishes she put on that table so as not to damage it further.  (my exact words) 

A while later I went past the living room and heard a scraping noise.  My roommate was there with a kitchen knife scraping the finish off the table!!!!!   

I have to admit I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say.  I came up with something like "Please don't do anything about that, I'll see what can be done to fix the spots."  I had an exam to study for so I didn't pursue the issue further.  Plus I thought I should give myself some time to cool down and collect my thoughts before confronting her. 

However, this evening I looked at the damage and not only did she take the finish off those areas, but she actually scratched down into the wood!  I looked online to see if anything could be done, and found some sites saying that the white water spots could be diminished by techniques such as applying furniture polish or rubbing alcohol... but with the finish gone and the scratches in the wood, the table will need to be sanded down and refinished to be restored to its former condition.   

Comparisons of solid cherry coffee tables and pieces from the same maker revealed that the table's value was probably in the neighborhood of $400 (well, before my roommate got to it).  The sentimental value is enough that I would like it restored, which I think runs around $300 if it's professionally done based on what I've seen online.  I'd then put a sheet of glass on the top so it doesn't get damaged again.  Had the problem just been the white spots of water damage to the finish, I would have been willing to try one of those fixes mentioned above or just write it off as wear and tear and get it refinished on my own dime in a number of years when I had money.  However, with the scratches as deep as they are, I don't want to leave the wood exposed for further damage.   


So how do I go about presenting this info to my roomie?  I know she probably didn't realize the value of the table, and I'm kicking myself for not noticing the spots sooner or letting her know how important it was to me.  She's working as a research assistant, so money doesn't grow on trees for either of us.  She's usually considerate and I don't want to sour the waters between us.  The thing is, the damage is all her fault - she's the only one who's been putting things on the table, and she's the one who turned an honest (though clueless) mistake into a clusterf*ck by trying to undo/cover up the damage without having an idea what she was doing. 


My options right now as I see them:
1- get an estimate for restoration and see how much it would be
     1a - make roommate pay for restoration
     1b - decide it's not worth the money
     1c - roommate can't afford it
2- suck it up and deal
3- get a (plexi)glass cover for the tabletop
     3a - make roomie pay for the cover to make up for the damage she did
     3b - I pay for cover
4- get the materials and attempt to restore the table myself
     4a - would have to ask for help matching the stain color, figuring out what kind of finish is on it; I have no experience and little time, plus would have to buy the supplies


I think I'll go for option 1, threaten 1a and then when roomie pleads 1c, compromise with 3a and eventually do 4. 

Suggestions would be appreciated, though writing all this out has been therapeutic.  Thanks for listening to me rant (if you've made it this far). 

[Chocolate Cake]

I feel your pain.  Really.   Some people have zero common sense!   Who beyond the age of 10 doesn't realize that water and wood don't go together?    And then to try to fix the problem with a KNIFE?    I'd like to shake some common sense into the little ninny on your behalf.

I don't know what to tell you about your options, but I commisserate with you.

[RuneGuardian]

Sometimes you have to wonder how people this dense managed to make it through grade school, let alone getting into college. I myself might be a little passive about doing anything about this situation, but perhaps you are a bit more assertive than me. I'd suggest having her pay for it since she's the one who did the damage. If she can't afford it right away, she can save up for it. Forking over $300 for something she ruined may teach her not to damage the property of others. Tell her to consider it a holiday gift.

[VorFemme]

Tell her what the repairs will run and ask how she wants to pay you (a little every month or a lump sum by not that far in the future).

Get a plexiglass or glass top immediately to keep this from getting worse.

I feel for you - my own DH has been leaving his drinking glasses on his nightstand - the veneer is cracked & peeling from the moisture.  Even if I leave a coaster there, he doesn't always use a glass that will FIT on the coaster.........

In the last year, he got an insulated mug (way too big for coaster) but it doesn't sweat due to the insulation.

Perhaps the roommate needs an insulated mug?

Until you can refinish the table - put photos or something under the clear top - it will "hide" the damage and you can hope that she doesn't do any more damage..........or put the table in your bedroom after all.

[Lady Vavasour]

Ugh. I can so feel your pain. I have had the most clueless houseguest staying with me ... but that is a whole other story. However, a failure to comprehend the incompatibility of water and wood was only one of her quirks.

Your flatmate should pay for the damage. I know it will be uncomfortable asking her, but she should take responsibility for what she did. Perhaps you could tell her how much it will cost to refinish it and see if she volunteers to pay ...

I am surprised that it would cost so much to refinish it though. It's possible to refinish wooden furniture yourself but for a valuable piece of furniture like that you probably want to get it professionally done.

ETA: professionals I think use a spray for the varnish, which makes the finish very smooth. If you're worried about the exposed wood and prepared to get it professionally finished in the future, you could just put some polyurethene on and leave it. (Though I still think your flatmate should pay for it to be properly done!) I don't think it really matters much what kind you use; just ask at the hardware. Is it possible there is no stain? Some kinds of woods have a very beautiful finish with no stain.

If I were you, I would keep your nice things away from your flatmates. The sad reality is that you just can't trust others to take care of your things. If you are going to share your nice furniture, get a glass top.

[BurninDinner]

Oh no!  That is so sad.  I hope she feels really bad.

By the way, what are you studying?  Your outline of choices made me laugh.  I am also in grad school. 

I wish I had really good advice.  Did she understand how much the table was worth to you sentimentally?  It will be crucial to have a conversation about it in neutral tones if you want to have a pleasant living situation in the future.  She may be one of those people who can blow of confrontation, but I don't know too many.

Hopefully if you explain to her how much it meant to you she'll feel so guilty she'll offer to pay to have it restored.  In the meantime, I like the other poster's suggestion that glass NOW will keep it from further damage, just in case you have to wait to fix it.

[fklwmn]

if roomie is usually considerate, she will probably be horrified at the damage she caused and hopefully offer to pay for the refinishing herself. And DO think you should have her pay for it, even if she has to pay you in installments while you save her installments to get the refinishing done.

Once it is determined that she is paying for the refinishing, I think YOU need to pay for the plixiglass cover for the table, or else move it out of the livingroom to prevent further damage.

[ShadesOfGrey]

this is a tough one.  I think by virtue of the fact that you are in a shared living situation, common furniture is also shared (even though you ultimately own it). You have reasonable expectation that someone will take care of it, but you also have reasonable notice that they probably wont (such is the nature of shared living) and thus have the option not to use it in that situation.  If you didnt lay down the rules at the beginning ("this is a valuable table and I dont want marks on it. please use a coaster at ALL times) or take precautions to avoid it (covering it with plexiglass, purchasing coasters, etc.), i think the water damage is really a shared responsibility.  The fact that she used knife to fix it blows my mind, but it also sounds like she was just REALLY clueless (if she put the drinks on wood in the first place, it really only confirms the fact that she has NO IDEA how to take care of wood furniture), but was trying to actually fix the damage she had caused.  Thus, my opinion is that, I wouldnt realy expect her to pay for it, especially since it is such an expensive repair. 
If you are really looking to preserve this relationship (and the table) I would mention to her that you found some estimates for fixing the table or covering it and how much they are.  I would venture a guess that she is going to be SHOCKED at this. Ask her what she thinks an acceptable solution (perhaps she can contribute to the repair or to covering it with plexiglass).  If you cant come to an agreement on something, simply say "ok, well, I really prefer not to have more damage done to the table, so I think I am going to store it (or put it in my room) for now.  We will have to find another solution for a coffee table for shared use."  Consider this a lesson in shared living situations.  I hope it works out for you!

[hjaye]

I have a nice cherry coffee table that I got from my mother many years ago.  It got damaged when I moved to Texas (this was many years ago too) I ended up refinishing it myself.  It was a slow process since I sanded it down by hand.  However, it looked very nice when I was finished and I had a nice sense of accomplishement over what I did.  It was cheaper than having someone do it for me, the materials were not expensive, but it was time consuming.

[moongirl105]

Oh my gosh!  I'm an amateur furniture refinisher, and I was practically in tears after reading your post!

It takes a lot of time and effort, not to mention the cost of supplies, to fully refinish even a small side table, not to mention something the size of a coffee table.  I'm not surprised the cost to repair the damage would be close to $300.

I do agree with rdge, though, that if ground rules weren't set in the beginning and an understanding about the value of the table reached, it's kind of tough to enforce rules now.  If I were in your situation, I would get an estimate for the damage and approach roomie with the results, speaking calmly and without emotion (although I realize the difficulty there).  I would also try to get across to roomie how to treat others' possessions.  Like others have mentioned, roomie must be really clueless if it didn't even occur to her that not everything in the apartment is hers to treat however she wishes.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide!  You have my deepest sympathies.

[fklwmn]

Oh my gosh!  I'm an amateur furniture refinisher, and I was practically in tears after reading your post!

It takes a lot of time and effort, not to mention the cost of supplies, to fully refinish even a small side table, not to mention something the size of a coffee table.  I'm not surprised the cost to repair the damage would be close to $300.

I do agree with rdge, though, that if ground rules weren't set in the beginning and an understanding about the value of the table reached, it's kind of tough to enforce rules now.  If I were in your situation, I would get an estimate for the damage and approach roomie with the results, speaking calmly and without emotion (although I realize the difficulty there).  I would also try to get across to roomie how to treat others' possessions.  Like others have mentioned, roomie must be really clueless if it didn't even occur to her that not everything in the apartment is hers to treat however she wishes.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide!  You have my deepest sympathies.

Okay, I disagree. I mean, if we were JUST talking about water rings, I would agree with this. But the roomie SCRAPED THE FINISH WITH A KNIFE. i think we should all have a reasonable expectation that we do not need to tell our roomies not to take knives to our furniture. That's as ridiculous as all the common-sense warning labels out there.

As the OP said, the reason it needs to be refinished is b/c the roomie took a knife to it. Otherwise there were some other (fairly inexpensive) options that could be exercised to remove the water rings. IMO, the roomie is TOTALLY responsible for fixing this damage.

[sotadragon]

Okay, I disagree. I mean, if we were JUST talking about water rings, I would agree with this. But the roomie SCRAPED THE FINISH WITH A KNIFE. i think we should all have a reasonable expectation that we do not need to tell our roomies not to take knives to our furniture. That's as ridiculous as all the common-sense warning labels out there.

As the OP said, the reason it needs to be refinished is b/c the roomie took a knife to it. Otherwise there were some other (fairly inexpensive) options that could be exercised to remove the water rings. IMO, the roomie is TOTALLY responsible for fixing this damage.

I completely agree with you!!!  One should NOT have to set ground rules with roomies about damaging other people's property, that should be a given any time you're occupying the same space as anyone else.

[RoseRose]

You know, before reading this thread, I never knew WHY I wasn't allowed to put cups on the wood furniture... it was just a rule.  My father never explained it.  I agree that I would NEVER have even thought to take a knife to the furniture.  THAT blows my mind... but not that she put down a glass without a coaster.  People are just ignorant... and we don't learn things without being told.

I can't believe no one ever explained to me the WHY of this!

[stanthedevil]

I think I'll go for option 1, threaten 1a and then when roomie pleads 1c, compromise with 3a and eventually do 4. 

Restoring furniture can be a lot of fun.  I did a beautiful piece for my dad for Christmas last year.  However, it is rather time consuming.  Before you undertake the table, you might want to experiment with something smaller (maybe pick up an inexpensive endtable at a garage sale or Goodwill).  That way you can see how different grains of sandpaper work as well as experiment with different color stains to find the right combination.  Just take your time and don't feel rushed to finish the project.  It's really relaxing and rewarding.

Good luck!

[minnaloushe]

The value of the table only matters if the cost of having it refinished is more than the cost to replace it with a comparable table. Other than that it doesn't matter if it was a $20.00 table or a $2,000.00 table.  If it was damaged through the carelessness of your roommate more than normal wear and tear, she should be responsible for the restoration back to it's pre-damaged condition.  But you know that.

I'm sure if you borrowed her shoes and ruined them you'd offer to replace them, even if you didn't know they were worth $500.00.

And if not, I'd love to see that one on Judge Judy.