Another Super Bowl Party Story - Was This Rude?

[NYGirl100]

This story came from a friend of mine.  She and her DH  were invited to a Super Bowl party by their new neighbors, and they went because they wanted to get to know their neighbors better.  The neighbors are husband and wife and two young children.  My friend and her DH brought beer.  The neighbor told them to come hungry, so they did.  But when they get there, all they had for food was dessert.  There were a lot of dessert, but there was no other kind of food.  My friend didn't really eat much because there's only so much sugar she can eat before she gets sick from it, so she wasn't really full.  They left at halftime politely, went home, and ate dinner.  Was it rude to tell people to come hungry and serve only dessert?  Or at least, should the hostess have warned them that they were only serving dessert so they can eat something beforehand?   

[twinkletoes]

I wonder if the host/ess meant "come hungry" as "come with a sweet tooth"?  I can see where someone *says* something, but *means* another.

I don't blame your friend for leaving early.  I would have done the same.

[Hazelthyme]

I don't quite think I'd call it rude, but at the very least, your hosts' behavior sounds kinda clueless.

IMO, if you invite someone to your home, you should at least offer them something in the way of food and/or drink -- but that something can be fairly minimal.  In general, tea or coffee and cake, cookies, or crackers are fine.

OTOH, it seems both kind and sensible to tell your guests what to expect.  I'm on the East Coast, so the Super Bowl generally coincides with the dinner hour, and all the SB parties I've gone to have involved either dinner (usually a casual, potluck type thing) or, at the very least, substantial appetizers (i.e., more than just a few bags of chips and a bowl of guacamole).  Were I to host such a party, I'd tell my guests up front what I was planning, whether that was, "I'm making a huge vat of chili with all the fixings," "I'll have a deli tray and some buffalo wings," or "We'll all chip in to order pizza and wings from Gino's."  Perhaps if I were on the West Coast, where kickoff happens at 2 pm, I'd be less inclined to expect or serve a full meal -- but even then, I'd probably make sure my guests knew exactly what I was inviting them to and for.  (Obviously, it's not proper to seem more concerned with the food than with the company ... but especially around something like the Super Bowl, I'd hate to put my guests in the tough position of choosing between going hungry because they didn't know to eat beforehand *or* leaving to get dinner elsewhere and missing the game.)

So ... if the game coincided with a mealtime in your area, the hosts probably should have either served dinner or make sure you knew not to expect it (e.g., "We'll have some snacks and desserts").  If it didn't, that doesn't seem quite as bad -- but personally, I'd probably still say something like, "We're going to have a nice dessert bar" rather than just "Come hungry.")  If these are new neighbors and otherwise seem like OK people, I probably wouldn't write them off just for this -- but I would be a bit clearer next time extended or accepted an invitation that involved them.

-HB

[NYGirl100]

My friend and her DH are on the East Coast, so it was around dinnertime when the Super Bowl started (6 p.m.).  The timing and the direction to "come hungry" were the reasons why they thought there would be more than desserts. 

[Evil Duckie]

I would have assumed with the invite form the hostess telling us to "come hungry" would mean that there would be an assortment of food and not just desserts.

It wasn't rude by the hostess but rather very clueless.

I also as your friend did excused ourselves politely and went home and ate.

[hobish]

My friend and her DH are on the East Coast, so it was around dinnertime when the Super Bowl started (6 p.m.).  The timing and the direction to "come hungry" were the reasons why they thought there would be more than desserts. 

I am, too, and would have thought the same thing. "Come hungry" would have lead me to expect there would be something along the lines of burgers & dogs. It does sound like the neighbor was clueless instead of intentionally rude, though. I would still have left, too; the SB lasts for hours and having nothing but desserts would have made me ill by the time it was over.

[Sterling]

I don;t think she meant to be rude but she was clueless.  After all if she doesn't know her nieghbors well she could have had all dessert and invited a diabetic over.  Personally I think if you use the words hungry there should be something other than sugar offered.  We had people over and just did a sandwich bar, chips and dip with a superbowl themed cake.  Simple easy and with cute paper plats easy to clean and cheap.

[Sharnita]

I suppose some of it might depend on when the party started. Where I live, the game went through the dinner hour, for others it was miafternoon so it might make a difference.

[hobish]

I suppose some of it might depend on when the party started. Where I live, the game went through the dinner hour, for others it was miafternoon so it might make a difference.

Oh yes, good point. It was at dinner hour for me, too, which is why i thought burgers & dogs type food.

[FoxPaws]

If I were told "come hungry" at any time of day, I would expect a meal or at least heavy snacks.

OTOH, maybe wherever the neighbors are originally from, "come hungry" is the equivalent of saying "See you there" or "we'll leave the light on".

[NYGirl100]

If I were told "come hungry" at any time of day, I would expect a meal or at least heavy snacks.

OTOH, maybe wherever the neighbors are originally from, "come hungry" is the equivalent of saying "See you there" or "we'll leave the light on".

Hm, they're from Texas and now they're in New Jersey.  I don't know if "come hungry" means something different in Texas?

This was dinner hour - we were on the East Coast, so the Super Bowl started around 6 p.m. or so. 

[aline]

DH and I had an almost identical experience for the Super Bowl (telling us to come hungry but only serving dessert) - we don't think they necessarily meant to be rude, but we will definitely be prepared next time! Perhaps if your friend is invited back over again, she could politely ask if she could bring a non-dessert item to share. 

[NYGirl100]

DH and I had an almost identical experience for the Super Bowl (telling us to come hungry but only serving dessert) - we don't think they necessarily meant to be rude, but we will definitely be prepared next time! Perhaps if your friend is invited back over again, she could politely ask if she could bring a non-dessert item to share. 

Farfalla, I'm sorry this happened to you, too.  I don't know what you're going to do, but my friend will definitely be asking for more information if they're invited again. 

[FoxPaws]

If I were told "come hungry" at any time of day, I would expect a meal or at least heavy snacks.

OTOH, maybe wherever the neighbors are originally from, "come hungry" is the equivalent of saying "See you there" or "we'll leave the light on".

Hm, they're from Texas and now they're in New Jersey.  I don't know if "come hungry" means something different in Texas? 

Well, that's interesting. I'm in Texas, and our rendition of hospitality runs along the lines of pushing food at you until you can't move. Maybe that's why they had to leave.

[NYGirl100]

If I were told "come hungry" at any time of day, I would expect a meal or at least heavy snacks.

OTOH, maybe wherever the neighbors are originally from, "come hungry" is the equivalent of saying "See you there" or "we'll leave the light on".

Hm, they're from Texas and now they're in New Jersey.  I don't know if "come hungry" means something different in Texas? 

Well, that's interesting. I'm in Texas, and our rendition of hospitality runs along the lines of pushing food at you until you can't move. Maybe that's why they had to leave.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend Texans.  I was literally answering the question of where the neighbors were originally from - I hope you will forgive me.