Author Topic: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?  (Read 11375 times)

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freakyfemme

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #45 on: February 11, 2007, 12:13:36 AM »
I have developed recently the same kind of aversion to black olives which I always used to love.  It happened after a bout of stomach flu and I don't know why.  I hadn't eaten olives for weeks prior to the illness.

MerryRaven,

This happened to me once with eggs. I got a really bad flu - as in your case it had nothing to do with the food in question. When I recovered, I couldn't eat eggs for a couple of years afterward. I am just now enjoying the occasional fried egg sandwich.

Strange!
Not strange at all - it's your body's instinctive protection against poisoning. Your brain is wired to go "Hmm, we threw up after eating that stuff, and felt awful - we really should avoid it in future if it makes us feel like that". Of course, sometimes the sickness and the food aren't really connected, but the instinctive reaction is better safe than sorry.

Of course, if you're like me, and spent several years as a child throwing up frequently, you'll start to run out of things you can eat....

That happened to me too, except it was oatmeal.

maryofdoom

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #46 on: February 14, 2007, 12:45:42 AM »
I remember learning a polite way to deal with this situation in Girl Scouts!

"I'm sorry, it's not my favorite."

Though now that I reflect on it, it seems more charming when you're, say, 10.

I'd probably stick with a barrage of "No, thank you."

kiero

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #47 on: February 14, 2007, 01:04:10 AM »
Response "No thank you, I will have the salad."

First of all a good hostess will serve something else or something along with the main course.

Second, there are a lot of people who have fatal reaction to shellfish, so serving only a shellfish or fish based dish is rather rude to begin with.





I think your first point is ridiculous.  So just because I like to cook one dish kind of things - like stirfrys and curries - I'm a bad host???? 

Personally I dislike having different foods on my plate - they always mix and I don't like that.  So I tend to cook things that are supposed to mix - like curry and rice, or chilli, or stew and mashed potatos. 

And your second point is invalid.  If someone has a serious allergy - they should mention it if the host doesn't ask.  I have a serious stomach reaction to goat cheese, and so I make sure to mention that if the host doesn't ask if I have any allergies.  I don't mention my dislike of peas however, or meat with fat on it.  I eat those graciously.. 

MerryRaven

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #48 on: February 14, 2007, 12:14:35 PM »
kiero
My post was answering this:
Quote
So, what if the entree is a seafood gumbo and the host suggests I just pick out the shrimp?

And you are forgetting my main point which was that if a guest doesn't like something they should just gracefully decline.  The host or hostess, should never badger, question or otherwise bug someone about their choices.

I would expect that most friends and family know and honor preferences as that is the polite thing to do as a host. 

Also if some people don't like foods that are already mixed up, would you still serve your lovely stir-frys and curries if you knew that?  By the way they sound good to me.

If a person declines I don't think you would urge them to eat it anyway or push anything on them and that is really the point. 

We all have different things we like and don't like, can eat and cannot.  A host should not berate a guest because they don't want to eat something.

And there are differences between different levels of familiarity. 

For instance, I attended a meal this weekend which include a relish tray with various pickles, including beets.  When I was passed the dish and asked if I would like some, "I just said 'no thank you'" and the host passed the dish to the next person.

No other comments necessary.


kiero

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #49 on: February 14, 2007, 04:10:01 PM »
As a host I follow my own personal guides.  I cater to all religious and health related restrictions.  And I count vegetarianism and veganism in there (important in my circle of friends). 

I also respect general preferences.  I have a freind who doesn't like spicy food.  So I take that into account when cooking for him.  I also try to honor small numbers of dislikes.  But I do not cater to people who have food preferences as long as children's Christmas wish lists.  I avoid mushrooms for my friend who doesn't like them.

But there was this woman at my church who I was asked to 'make comfortable'.  She's just moved to our large city from a small town with her daughter and really needed a freind.  After about the 5 time of having her and her daughter over for a meal when neither one would eat anything I finally gave up.  I made plain Shake'n Bake chicken and french fries once.  They wouldn't eat the chicken because "sometimes the coating can be slimy..."  and refused to entertain the idea that because I'd flipped them a couple times during baking mine weren't (because I don't like the slimy either).  And I guess they don't eat potatoes because they taste gross.  I'd long since given up trying to make vegetables. 

I guess I was taught that when you are a guest you should try everything (majoy - pickles on the side can be ignored) and unless you really can't stomach something eat a reasonable amount.  I don't understand the idea that you have to *love* everything you eat.  This woman flat out told me that they just don't eat things they don't like.  I think that's rude. 

MerryRaven

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #50 on: February 15, 2007, 02:53:01 AM »
Yes that is rude.

I have a son-in-law who is a very picky eater.  When they visit, I let his wife, my Dd, do most of the cooking for him.  And I have to say, he will pitch in and cook the things he likes for the entire family plus clean the kitchen afterward.  And he is a good cook of plain food.  After all, he is British.  Meat and two veg is about the extent but it is well done.

He knows he can be a pain in the neck and really minimizes the effect. 

As for your guests, that really is rude.

If they don't want to eat others food why do they come. 

By the way, one of my Grandmother's was a terrible cook (she once boiled sirloin steak), when there I was allowed to pick at my food and we would eat later. 

My Dad says he was always grateful that nothing my mother cooked was like his mother used to make.


twinkletoes

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #51 on: February 15, 2007, 02:11:44 PM »
"I guess I was taught that when you are a guest you should try everything (majoy - pickles on the side can be ignored) and unless you really can't stomach something eat a reasonable amount.  I don't understand the idea that you have to *love* everything you eat.  This woman flat out told me that they just don't eat things they don't like.  I think that's rude.  "

Yes, thank you.  I said that a few times here before - as long as no one vomits at the sight/is deathly allergic, what is the harm in eating two bites of lasagna, even if it's not your favorite dish?

I think that's the point I'm just not getting.  And I think this is also why I (mentally) roll my eyes and sigh when someone tells me they're a picky eater.  Because nine times out of ten, these people use "picky" to mean "pain in the bottom."

kiero

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #52 on: February 15, 2007, 04:12:13 PM »
I agree.  Being picky in what you choose to eat is one thing.  But when you choose to go to someone else's house for dinner - you are choosing to relinquish control.  My sister started cooking for the family when she was 12 because that was she could make sure that things she didn't like weren't added to the meal.  She hated cooked onions - so if she made a stirfry she could choose not to add them.

I think that people overreact alot of the time.  Because with the exception of allergies (and to some extend religious objections- again things like veganism fit in here) it won't kill you to eat something you don't like.  Just put it in your mouth and swallow.  Take a small amount if you aren't sure you want to eat a bunch - but take enough to be reasonable.

supernova

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #53 on: February 15, 2007, 04:38:22 PM »
Here's what really makes me insane:  (And yes, I've experienced multiple variations on this theme, though this isn't an actual occurrence)

Me:  (on the phone the weekend before)  "So do you or your SO have any allergies I should know about?"
Guest:  "Oh, no, neither of us do."
Me:  "Any preferences?  Anything you hate?"
Guest:  "Oh, just make anything, whatever you make will be fine!"
Me:  "Are you sure?  I was thinking about making Chicken Whatsit, salad and chocolate torte."
Guest:  "Sounds great!"

Me:  (night of the dinner) "Okay, everyone, it's dinner!"
Guest:  "Is that tomato in the salad?  I don't like tomato, it gives me a rash."
Me:  "Whoops!  Well, I have some plain lettuce left, would you like just lettuce?"
Guest:  "Oh, no, please don't go to any special trouble."

Guest:  (five minutes later)  "Is that dark meat chicken?  Tom and I don't eat dark meat chicken." (To husband who is wolfing down the Chicken Whatsit)  "DO we, Tom?"
Me:  (fake smile)  "Oh dear, I had no idea.  Can I get you something else?"
Guest:  "Oh no, I'm fine; I'll just have some more of this bread.
Guest's SO:  "You can't really tell it's dark meat, dear."
Guest:  "Well, just to be on the safe side, I'll stick to the bread."

Guest:  (half an hour later)  "Is that dark chocolate?  I can't stand dark chocolate.  Did you put liqueur in it?  Tom doesn't like the taste of liqueur in chocolate.  Are those strawberries?" etc.
Me:  (managing not to grit my teeth)  "I think I have some plain ice cream in the freezer, can I get you two some of that?"
Guest:  "OH no, please don't go to any special trouble on our account!  We're fine, aren't we, Tom?"
Guest's SO (ruefully eyeing the chocolate torte)  "We should probably be heading out soon anyway."
Me:  (Oscar-worthy acting) "Oh, would you like some coffee before you go?  It's already made and I'm so enjoying our visit."
Guest:  "Do you have decaf?"  etc.....

Me:  (one week later)  "So Guest2, would you and Steve like to come over for dinner next week?"
Guest2:  (looking concerned)  "Oh.  Um, I'm not sure.  Are you sure you can afford it?"
Me:  (astonished)  "Good heavens, of course we can, and we'd love to have you.  Why do you ask?"
Guest2:  "Well, it's just that Guest told me last time they had dinner at your house, there was nothing to eat but bread, and she and Tom had to stop at Taco Bell on the way home..."

I spent an entire summer doing camping weekends with someone just like Guest, and it's only because her husband and mine were such nice guys that I'm not currently wearing an orange jumpsuit and serving 20 to life...  well, not really, but you know what I mean.

     - saphie

twinkletoes

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #54 on: February 15, 2007, 04:41:29 PM »
"Me:  (one week later)  "So Guest2, would you and Steve like to come over for dinner next week?"
Guest2:  (looking concerned)  "Oh.  Um, I'm not sure.  Are you sure you can afford it?"
Me:  (astonished)  "Good heavens, of course we can, and we'd love to have you.  Why do you ask?"
Guest2:  "Well, it's just that Guest told me last time they had dinner at your house, there was nothing to eat but bread, and she and Tom had to stop at Taco Bell on the way home...""

Oh, wow.  I read your post and almost felt I should sip some brandy and lie down - I can only imagine how you felt!

supernova

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #55 on: February 15, 2007, 05:13:41 PM »
Well, like I said that's a compilation of several occurrences rather than a single event, but yes.  I often felt like having a nice strong shot of something and a nice long walk after dealing with this sort of person.

I'm a lot more selective about entertaining these days.  :) 

     - saphie

MerryRaven

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #56 on: February 16, 2007, 02:33:19 AM »
Aside from saying a polite no thank you if I didn't like something.  And never, as a hostess to insist people eat my cooking, I was taught I should never negatively comment on the food I was provided. 

My mother's rule growing up was "Eat it or don't eat it, but don't complain about it or criticize it and above all do not SNIFF it." 

If you criticized the food at my mother's table (just family) then you 'bought' the job the next time a meal was served.

I'll never forget when I was about 12 and my younger brother complained that the first mashed potatoes I had ever made were lumpy.  The next time we had mashed potatoes he had to make them.

If I say 'no thank you' to the Lasagne, fish fingers, tuna casserole or the like, I expect my hostess to ignore that. 

I really do not understand the reason an adult should be required to eat a bite or two.  I certainly wouldn't require it of my guests and I would expect them to treat me as an adult who knows my own mind.

By the way, I am not a picky eater, I eat all of the above and I eat far more than is good for me as my waistline can attest.  I have eaten octopus and sushi but if I do not want mushy peas, I will politely decline.

Cattaby

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #57 on: February 16, 2007, 04:31:38 AM »
On one occasion she served a dessert with jelly (US = jello). I cannot stand jelly, the feel of it my mouth makes me want to gag. I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served. I decided to try a some dessert and , sort of eat around the jelly bits. Because I did not eat all my dessert I was questioned constantly as to what was wrong with it, wasn't it good enough for me etc.

Boo to this and your FIL!

I can out eat my boyfriend anytime I set my mind to it. He's like the hare - fast out of the gate, but gets full very quickly. I'm the tortoise - slow to start, but man, do I finish!

Venus193

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #58 on: February 16, 2007, 08:32:56 AM »

I always jut say "Not for me, thank you", rinse and repeat as necessary.

Why not try a bit or just nibble it? Because of my MIL!

My MIL does not believe that people can dislike foods to the point of them causing a gag reflex or nausea. Impossible, in her book. She thinks there is no excuse for people just being fussy.

On one occasion she served a dessert with jelly (US = jello). I cannot stand jelly, the feel of it my mouth makes me want to gag. I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served. I decided to try a some dessert and , sort of eat around the jelly bits. Because I did not eat all my dessert I was questioned constantly as to what was wrong with it, wasn't it good enough for me etc. For several months afterwards when e visited every meal that was served to me was accompanied by comments about whether or not I would eat it or was I too fussy.

Hubby would aid an abet my swapping veges from our plates while they weren't looking. He hates beans, his mother insists on serving them to him, I can't abide parsnip, we swap and hide the evidence  >:D We also started taking our own food supply to snack on.

I just had the time to catch up to this post.  What period of history does this guy think he's living in?  Sounds like you need the book Toxic In-Laws because both of them have major control issues.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2007, 08:35:05 AM by venus193 »

WithoutIssue

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Re: Polite Ways to Decline Food You Cannot Stand?
« Reply #59 on: February 17, 2007, 05:51:03 PM »

... I had not had a very large meal because FIL believed that women should be served much smaller portions than men, and as it was a roast dinner he had carved and served. ...

I just had the time to catch up to this post.  What period of history does this guy think he's living in?  Sounds like you need the book Toxic In-Laws because both of them have major control issues.

He was a misogynist of the first water. Both hubby and I work in IT, but if FIL asked a computer question and I answered it, he would ask my hubby for confirmation. Hubby would just tell hat what I said was correct. If in a group discussion someone asked me for some other info he would always butt in on my answer with "It all depends on..." to try and prove I was wrong, even when he facts were black and white.

I never liked him. He died last year so he is no longer a problem for me or my sisters-in-law.
A cynic is what the idealist calls a realist.