Author Topic: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails  (Read 25071 times)

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blue2000

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #30 on: January 30, 2008, 06:31:18 PM »
They were so poor they had to make the decorations and favors themselves?  I guess I must live in the armpit of society because I haven't been to more than one or two baby showers were they had professionals come in.  Our idea of non-DIY favors are custom ordering M&Ms and putting them in bottles!  We decorate with diaper cakes or "flower bouquets" made from bootie socks that the baby can wear later!  Poor me. 


That is something I wonder about, too. Most of the showers I have been to are not deluxe affairs. Some nice food, cheap decorations, a gabfest with your close friends and relatives, and a few goofy games. Why would she have to save for months and work her little fingers to the bone for that??

And why on earth would it be a huge deal for either the MTB or the guests if someone can't come? But it obviously was, if she is still brooding on it and the guests are calling her to yell about it.

The whole thing sounds a little too dramatic to take seriously.
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Ondine

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #31 on: January 30, 2008, 10:48:08 PM »
This whole post confused me for the following reasons:

1. They had nothing left over from their daughter, as they lived in a studio apartment - yet a little while later, she says that the clothes left over from her daughter were pink and frilly, and her son couldn't use the bedsheets. Okay, so either you did have stuff left over or you didn't - what is the issue here?
2. They registered for a high chair and a swing, but no furniture - I thought a high chair and a swing were furniture. Then she says later on that the baby won't be using the swing for a couple months, and they would use a snugli instead of a stroller. Then what was the point of putting those items on the registry?
3. Due to complications, they did not know if the baby was going to live. Wouldn't you wait until possibly after the baby was born just to make sure the baby was out of harm's way before you had the shower?
4. Count me in as another person who doesn't understand why they saved up for four months for a shower, when they could have gotten tons of stuff for the baby in that time.
5. Nobody in the family could throw the shower, so the husband hinted to the sister in law to throw the shower - I thought family members weren't supposed to host the shower in the first place.
6. Why the need to keep saying how poor you are? If you had four months to get food, party favours, etc. that's four months of money saved that could have been spent on necessities.
7. How does she know how much the friend spent on the gift that was left at her home - secondly, why is she peeved that the lady didn't show up to the shower?


If the women really did treat her badly, then that was really pathetic of them to do, but I can find seven issues with this story that rub me the wrong way, so I'm not sure if I believe that things happened the way they are written.

Dindrane

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #32 on: January 30, 2008, 11:57:08 PM »
If the letter-writer had simply offered up her TY wording, and asked if it were polite or not, I think most people would have said it seemed well-intentioned, but there was wording there that could, if the invitees were sensitive, sound like you were reproaching people for not coming.

The whole novel-length story about the poverty, the need for stuff, the large amount of money spent on the party (?), and so forth makes the whole thing sound off. There's a lot of self-justification going on there.

This is precisely what I thought after getting to the letter.  The letter, without all the whitewashed, unnecessary, and rather strange background, wasn't really all that bad.  It was awkward, sure, and could definitely have been better, but it wasn't some horrible thank you note faux pas.

But the ridiculous backstory makes the thank you note text look worse than it would all on its own.  Because despite what she says, she was using the shower as a cash cow, and it was for a second baby that presumably had 1/4 of its needs met (the other 3/4 being diapers, a place to sleep, and a method by which it eats  - and those things combined probably cost less than the shower did).

The other thing I really wonder - did she send thank you notes to everyone, or only the people who didn't show up?  Because if she only sent them to the people who didn't show, she obviously doesn't understand how thank you notes are supposed to work.  Which, in turn, leads me to believe that she doesn't get the practice of etiquette nearly as well as she thinks she does.


CakeBeret

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #33 on: January 31, 2008, 12:41:59 AM »
I'm just going to zero in on the TY note/screaming issue:

If someone sent me a disturbingly snide TY note, dripping passive-agressiveness, harping on about how much money the shower cost her, clearly implying that the recipient simply doesn't BELIEVE that my husband was in a nearly fatal car accident the day before [for example] then yes, I might actually be rude enough to ask for my gift back.

As for the screaming? I don't really believe it happened like that. I think maybe the long term friend called out of shock about the TY note, the submitter ripped her a new one, and the two ladies got in a massive argument.

Count me in on that she could have just bought all the darn stuff herself instead of saving up for 4 months to throw the shower herself. POD to everything Andromeda said, and please excuse me if I come across as harsh. The whole submission really rubbed me wrong.
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sammycat

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #34 on: January 31, 2008, 01:43:44 AM »
I agree that the money spent on the shower could have been used to buy baby stuff instead. 

Her thank you cards did sound snarky when referencing the non attendance of the guests.  Some years ago 2 friends and I decided to go overseas on holiday and asked a 4th friend to join us but she declined as she couldn't get time off work.  We told her the exact dates we'd be away, so we were rather surprised to discover a few months later that she'd decided to hold her engagement party (at home, so no booking restrictions as there would be at a hall or something) during our 4 week holiday, especially as we were her 3 closest friends, but that's her choice.  We each gave her a nice present before the holiday and were surprised to receive thank you notes saying, among other things, that it was a shame we couldn't help but not make the party (can't remember the exact wording).  Excuse me??  Knowing the girl as I did I'm 99% sure she meant it in a snarky way. BUT I didn't call her up screaming and ranting, and in fact never mentioned it to her at all.

Sounds like both the MTB and her friends were rude in this story.

Tosha Go

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #35 on: January 31, 2008, 02:12:33 AM »
My thoughts:

1.  I agree with the people who think the notes could have been interpreted as passive agressive.  Without knowing this woman's personality, it may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

2.  Even if my husband and I lived in the state we both went to high school in (we live about 2000 miles away from Michigan at this point),  I dont think I would invite his female high school friends, even if they were close to him.  Probably because they are his friends, and the ones I have met I dont feel close enough to invite to a baby shower. 

3. Dont they have ANY friends, relatives or acquaintences who can give them hand me downs?


housewife2k

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #36 on: January 31, 2008, 10:38:18 AM »
Whoa! I totally didn't realize until I was reading Andromeda's post that I missed that they lived in a STUDIO apartment. OK, so they have a roughly 5 year old daughter, who is never mentioned again, save for the fact that she had pink frilly stuff, and a new born on the way. Where in the world are they planning on keeping a stroller, a swing, a crib, a basinet, etc while having a place for them and their daughter to sleep, too. Studio apartments are tiny!

Also, I am really, really, disturbed that the first child is never mentioned again, at all. Where is she during the party?

Dindrane

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #37 on: January 31, 2008, 10:43:53 AM »
I think they lived in a studio apartment before their daughter was born, and so didn't have room to save any of her baby stuff (except apparently all of her clothes and crib sheets).  I don't think they live in a studio apartment anymore.

But I agree - where is the daughter?


amanda_tlg

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #38 on: January 31, 2008, 11:01:30 AM »


But I agree - where is the daughter?

Maybe she's one of those kids that exists only at income tax time?  >:D

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #39 on: February 04, 2008, 06:59:50 PM »
Whoa! I totally didn't realize until I was reading Andromeda's post that I missed that they lived in a STUDIO apartment. OK, so they have a roughly 5 year old daughter, who is never mentioned again, save for the fact that she had pink frilly stuff, and a new born on the way. Where in the world are they planning on keeping a stroller, a swing, a crib, a basinet, etc while having a place for them and their daughter to sleep, too. Studio apartments are tiny!

Also, I am really, really, disturbed that the first child is never mentioned again, at all. Where is she during the party?

I'm not sure I understand what it is so disturbing about the older child not being mentioned again.  The story isn't about her after all. 

housewife2k

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #40 on: February 04, 2008, 07:08:22 PM »
Whoa! I totally didn't realize until I was reading Andromeda's post that I missed that they lived in a STUDIO apartment. OK, so they have a roughly 5 year old daughter, who is never mentioned again, save for the fact that she had pink frilly stuff, and a new born on the way. Where in the world are they planning on keeping a stroller, a swing, a crib, a basinet, etc while having a place for them and their daughter to sleep, too. Studio apartments are tiny!

Also, I am really, really, disturbed that the first child is never mentioned again, at all. Where is she during the party?

I'm not sure I understand what it is so disturbing about the older child not being mentioned again.  The story isn't about her after all. 
GRanted, the story wasn't about the daughter, and after rereading it a few times, they had already moved out of the studio. I think I worry about it because it's mentioned that one of the husbands friends isn't attending becasue she cannot find a sitter for her boys, and it's a women's only shower. I am wondering who is watching the daughter, maybe.
I don't know, there's just something about her not being mentioned again that just rubs me the wrong way.

jimithing

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #41 on: February 04, 2008, 07:15:51 PM »
I agree that the woman who yelled at her was rude, but I think that the writer belongs in Ehell.  I have issues with the second shower, but besides that, it sounds like she basically guilted her family members into throwing her a shower, because they were poor and needed new things for their baby, which of course, her loved ones should provide, and then decided that she basically was going to have to throw it herself.

Her TY notes were then smug and self-righteous, and she mentioned money over, and over.  I agree with the PPs that it sounded like she was keeping track of exactly how much everyone spent.

Oh, but it's the thought that counts.  Right.  ::)
« Last Edit: February 04, 2008, 07:22:54 PM by jimithing »

alecmari

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #42 on: February 04, 2008, 07:24:19 PM »
Quote
She received the same exact  "thank you" text, except I added that it was so nice of her to drop by on the day of the event when she totally could have come another time and that we really hoped she'd come visit, see the nursery and just spend some time at the house to make up for her not having attended.
(bolded part mine)

This was the wording that offended me! If this is truly how she worded her notes, yes, she was rude!

Yes, I found that wording to be off-putting also.

You know, I could see innocently saying "make up" for missing the party.  One relative missed my shower and had her gift delivered.  I sent her a TYN that said that I was sorry she missed the shower and inviting her to come over for lunch so we could visit.

Otherwise, I agree the writer sounds like she should be in Ehell.  The notes can be interpreted as snarky (depends on her personality) and the story is so...umm...convoluted? 

Elle

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #43 on: February 04, 2008, 07:29:30 PM »
"And remember kids. The most important part of learning to read is learning to read between the lines." ~MadTV

Brentwood

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #44 on: February 04, 2008, 07:57:38 PM »
Quote
She received the same exact  "thank you" text, except I added that it was so nice of her to drop by on the day of the event when she totally could have come another time and that we really hoped she'd come visit, see the nursery and just spend some time at the house to make up for her not having attended.
(bolded part mine)

This was the wording that offended me! If this is truly how she worded her notes, yes, she was rude!

Yes, I found that wording to be off-putting also.

You know, I could see innocently saying "make up" for missing the party.  One relative missed my shower and had her gift delivered.  I sent her a TYN that said that I was sorry she missed the shower and inviting her to come over for lunch so we could visit.

Otherwise, I agree the writer sounds like she should be in Ehell.  The notes can be interpreted as snarky (depends on her personality) and the story is so...umm...convoluted? 

Taken by itself the "make up for not having attended" could be dismissed as entirely innocent, but taken as part of the whole of this story, it seems less so.