Author Topic: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails  (Read 26682 times)

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Kendo_Bunny

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #60 on: April 22, 2008, 11:01:27 PM »
Wrong to dwell on it. If someone can't be there, there's nothing wrong with sending them well-wishes and mentioning that you'd love to see them soon. Ticking off their exact reason does seem kind of like keeping a tally.

Winterlight

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #61 on: April 23, 2008, 09:53:10 AM »
And why can't a baby boy sleep on pink sheets?

Or, if it bothers her that much, why can't Mom go to Walgreen's and buy a $2.99 package of Rit dye?  A whole bathtub of "pink" things can be turned another color, and a seam ripper ($1.89 at JoAnn's) can get rid of the "frills."

More to the point, if she and her DH are both on disability, living in a cramped apartment, so dirt poor they have to mention it 17 times in their submission, and they've already got a daughter...  but no, I am not going to go there.  I'm going to go have some bean dip.

     - saphie, excusing herself from the keyboard

I think we've taken up residence there, or at least have summer homes there.

The only baby showers I've been to have been at the people's  homes, except one where my friend works at a second hand children's clothing/toy store and they held it there after the store closed.  Very spacious!

That makes sense. But a hall? Talk about over the top.
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twinkletoes

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #62 on: April 23, 2008, 11:54:05 AM »
Halls and restaurants aren't unheard of IME.  Depending on the number of guests who are invited and the size of the hostess's home, it might be the only feasible solution. 

sarahmksm

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #63 on: April 25, 2008, 11:21:22 AM »
I just had to come to this forum because I wondered, like the poster, what exactly was wrong with her thank-you notes.  What everybody else said made a lot of sense, though, about her harping on their non-presence.  Also, I did notice that she's constantly talking about the whole point of the shower being because she needs stuff for the new baby, and then at the end she's very anxious to say that that's not the point of the shower... very strange.

It's not unusual around here to rent a hall for a baby or wedding shower, although usually it's something pretty casual, like a church hall or meeting room or a library meeting room.  Mostly just for the space, as I live in the DC region and a lot of people have houses too small to fit more than a few guests comfortably, especially if there's going to be presents and space needed for games.

I actually held a second-baby shower for my sister-in-law, and the second baby was the same sex as the first and only three years apart.  Maybe it was a bit of a faux pas on my part.  But, in my defense, my sister-in-law never had a shower for the first baby, for which I think she felt a bit disappointed, and the shower was mostly family.  It cost me all of about $100 and was held at a generous aunt's house.  Granted, for $100 I suppose one can get a good amount of baby clothes, at least at a consignment shop, although probably not all that many diapers.

I wonder what the original poster thinks of our comments.  Or if she's seen them.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #64 on: April 25, 2008, 11:40:27 AM »
I wonder what the original poster thinks of our comments.  Or if she's seen them.

That's what I always wonder about the classics.
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The Glen

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #65 on: April 25, 2008, 11:21:07 PM »
Quote
She received the same exact  "thank you" text, except I added that it was so nice of her to drop by on the day of the event when she totally could have come another time and that we really hoped she'd come visit, see the nursery and just spend some time at the house to make up for her not having attended.
(bolded part mine)

This was the wording that offended me! If this is truly how she worded her notes, yes, she was rude!

Especially as she herself says that the friend in question gave very generous gifts and went out of her way to go to her house to drop them off on her way to the bridal shower she was going to. The bolded part is like a slap in the face after the trouble she went to.

TootsNYC

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #66 on: May 13, 2008, 11:06:05 PM »
is it possible the mom-to-be meant so that SHE could "make up for" the guest's not getting any social time? Maybe she just phrased it stupidly.



TylerBelle

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #67 on: July 07, 2008, 04:21:22 PM »
This story's a hoot. I remember reading it for the first time and it sure is one that made my jaw drop rather a significant distance.

I am especially fond of this:
This second woman, let's call her "Dana", ended her call by stating, "even though we can't come, of COURSE we will send along a gift".  I was very offended about this as was my husband, and my SIL."
 
Why the offense? Goodness, the majority of the story is about gifts and more gifts: planning for them, what's needed, who sent them, who dropped them by, sending tys for them, etc. The only reason I can think of the author and company would be offended is guilt for "Dana" hit a nerve by stating the obvious.
 
Their "presence" at our home to celebrate our son was more important than their "presents".
 
Yeah. Sure. I would wager it be pretty much frowned on if "Dana" or anyone else showed up to the party without gift in hand. Perhaps not, don't know for certain, but the overall impression of the story says I'd be right in my wager.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2008, 04:23:06 PM by tylerbelle »
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BabyMama

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #68 on: August 07, 2008, 10:25:59 AM »
And why can't a baby boy sleep on pink sheets?

Or, if it bothers her that much, why can't Mom go to Walgreen's and buy a $2.99 package of Rit dye?  A whole bathtub of "pink" things can be turned another color, and a seam ripper ($1.89 at JoAnn's) can get rid of the "frills."

More to the point, if she and her DH are both on disability, living in a cramped apartment, so dirt poor they have to mention it 17 times in their submission, and they've already got a daughter...  but no, I am not going to go there.  I'm going to go have some bean dip.

     - saphie, excusing herself from the keyboard

I think we've taken up residence there, or at least have summer homes there.

That's all I can focus on, every time I read this story...I cannot get past the OP's constant emphasis on their "poverty", yet the constant justification "We'd be able to afford it in a few months." If you can't afford a couple of onesies and a box of Pampers... :(

behindbj

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #69 on: August 07, 2008, 10:52:51 AM »
I'm trying to process this on many levels, really I am, but I can't get past the notion that as a friend of someone who is having a baby, I require a shower to be held so I can give them a gift.

I guess I've just been rude all these years giving friends gifts without the required party of some kind.

Shame on me.  I should be spanked.

behindbj, who will now have to take a few minutes to get ManServant calmed down after he saw mention of spanking...I'm sure Pool Boy has the hose handy.

snowball's chance

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #70 on: August 20, 2008, 04:47:08 PM »
And why can't a baby boy sleep on pink sheets?

Or, if it bothers her that much, why can't Mom go to Walgreen's and buy a $2.99 package of Rit dye?  A whole bathtub of "pink" things can be turned another color, and a seam ripper ($1.89 at JoAnn's) can get rid of the "frills."

More to the point, if she and her DH are both on disability, living in a cramped apartment, so dirt poor they have to mention it 17 times in their submission, and they've already got a daughter...  but no, I am not going to go there.  I'm going to go have some bean dip.

     - saphie, excusing herself from the keyboard

I think we've taken up residence there, or at least have summer homes there.

That's all I can focus on, every time I read this story...I cannot get past the OP's constant emphasis on their "poverty", yet the constant justification "We'd be able to afford it in a few months." If you can't afford a couple of onesies and a box of Pampers... :(

I comepletly agree.

Fidgets

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #71 on: August 22, 2008, 01:29:51 PM »
Not to beat a dead horse (or the grease spot left by a previously beaten one), but.....  This thing is like the "Rude Olympics."

For the Blue (original story teller (OST) and husband) Team we have a score of:
1. Planned (evidently) pregnancy with no planning regarding the fact that babies need stuff.
2. Babies don't much care what color the sheets are.  (Oddly, they do notice thread count and prefer Egyptian cotton.  It's a strange but little known fact.  Really.)
3. As other PP's have mentioned, most baby showers take place in a home with homemade or inexpensive decorations.  Sorry, you don't get the Martyr Prize for this.
4. You (OST) couldn't figure out a suitable sucker in your own immediate family to strong-arm into holding the shower you wanted, so husband "dropped hints", not to a family member or a very, extremely close friend, but to the money-strapped, still-going-to-school fiancee of his brother.  Then you (OST) were a bit snotty about you and your husband having to do things because this "slacker" had neither the time nor money.    That attitude right there should win the Blue Team a Rudeness Gold Medal.
5. Having arm-wrestled someone into hosting this mess, you're sad because it isn't a surprise and you have to put some effort into it.  Still not Martyr Prize material.
6. You (OST) gifted your guests-to-be with a gift registry that would choke a horse.  Remember, most of those same people are not going to be in the loop about how their previous gifts meant so little that you could toss them because of a lack of planning and storage space (couldn't you have asked your mother or MIL if they could store them because of their sentimental value to you, to say nothing of the possibility of needing them again?).  They're thinking, "Hey!  We gave them a high chair a couple years ago.  What's up with hitting us up for a spendy gift again?"
7. As a PP stated, you (OST) are doing the, "The gifts meant nothing!  We wanted the people at the shower!  Waaaaaahhhh!" after having explained that you wanted gifts and that's why your husband "hinted" up a shower for you in the first place.  Don't get snippy if people can read between the lines.
8. Your "thank you".  Ugh.  Let's see....."Your generosity is noted"  Doesn't exactly give me the warm fuzzies.  I've only ever heard that said as sarcasm to someone being a cheapskate.  FOUR mentions of them not being at your stinking shower: "We understand that you were unable to come to the shower", "despite your not having been able to come to the shower", "your presence certainly was missed", and "we haven't' seen you in some time".  Don't you think that's a little overkill?  How about, "Gosh!  We really missed seeing you!  Thank you so much for the engraved bottle warmer with inlaid maracasite design--it's just what Baby Ferdinand needed....."
9. Finally, it seems like you offered a "Get Out of the Shower Free" card to those who dropped off "suitable" (in your opinion) bribes...I mean, gifts, prior to the event.

For the Red Team (3 guests):
1.  No screaming allowed.
2.  Demanding a gift back unless it's a ring and the engagement has been broken or unless the person has done something so heinous as to be unbelievable ("Give me back that book I gave you!  I don't give gifts to the person who killed both my parents and my goldfish, you cad!!!"), is rude.
3.  Prompt RSVP's are required by law.

I think the OST and husband win the prize for rude.

twinkletoes

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #72 on: August 26, 2008, 03:25:26 PM »
That's a good take on it, Fidgets!

Although I still maintain that the tynotes must have been unbelievably rude if not just one, not just two, but three guests were compelled to scream at the OP.  No, screaming isn't cool - but I'd love to have seen those "tynotes that aren't really tynotes."

caranfin

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #73 on: August 26, 2008, 03:32:31 PM »
Although I still maintain that the tynotes must have been unbelievably rude if not just one, not just two, but three guests were compelled to scream at the OP.  No, screaming isn't cool - but I'd love to have seen those "tynotes that aren't really tynotes."

And given the OP's obvious spin on things, I wonder how much "screaming" there truly was.

Oh, and the higher the thread count, the smarter the baby will become. I thought everyone knew that.
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Winterlight

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #74 on: August 27, 2008, 12:30:24 PM »
Although I still maintain that the tynotes must have been unbelievably rude if not just one, not just two, but three guests were compelled to scream at the OP.  No, screaming isn't cool - but I'd love to have seen those "tynotes that aren't really tynotes."

And given the OP's obvious spin on things, I wonder how much "screaming" there truly was.

Oh, and the higher the thread count, the smarter the baby will become. I thought everyone knew that.

I'm translating screaming as, "Mary, I told you in advance I couldn't come. This note sounds like you want me to feel guilty for not attending."
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls