Author Topic: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails  (Read 26033 times)

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Giggity

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #75 on: May 11, 2010, 03:30:02 PM »
Post modified 'cause StarSaphire beat me to it.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2010, 03:39:28 PM by Juana la Loca »
Words mean things.

Rosey

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #76 on: May 11, 2010, 03:47:37 PM »
This is one of those posts where I really wish we knew if the original poster is someone who continues to post on Etiquette Hell and if she has since learned where she went wrong . . . or at least what she thinks about all of the comments on her original post.

I admit that I was biased from the beginning because I don't think baby showers are ever appropriate for a second baby. Then again, it also seems like the LW is pretty clueless about all of this. She justifies the second shower, but then she also explains why her relatives are not available to throw her shower, so apparently she is not aware that family isn't supposed to host the shower in the first place?

She also complains repeatedly about having to help fund and supply her own shower . . . um, then don't have one. No, really. I'm not just saying you should use this time and money to get your own baby supplies. I am saying that there is clearly no one in your life who is in a position to host a shower for you, so perhaps you shouldn't have one.

aventurine

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #77 on: May 11, 2010, 04:30:55 PM »
I love this one, it's one of my favorites.

My take: if the Wronged Mom wrote this tome to justify herself to an anonymous website, imagine what it must have been like to be a friend or acquaintence during the months leading up to the shower.  (Go ahead, imagine this is a friend of yours on the phone with you.)

It begins: "Oh, woe is me, how will we ever get along?  We don't have any baby things anymore, we're out of work, how will we pay for this baby?  What if it is a boy?  How can a boy sleep on pink crib sheets."  Silence.  You attempt something like, "Well, it will work out," and more wailing ensues.

It continues: "Oh, alas, my mother is dead and my mother-in-law has dementia, or the other way around, and my sisters are gone, so there's no one to throw me the shower I NEED to properly outfit this baby!"  Silence.  "If only I had a friend who would volunteer to throw me a shower, goodness knows I would never ASK, that would be RUDE..."

It continues: "Lamentations, I weep, DH finally convinced- I mean, future SIL finally volunteered to host a shower for me, but I'm having to pay for it myself, the people who are invited had better give me a lot of stuff to make up for all the money I'm spending..."

And, closer to the date: "You're coming aren't you?  Sorrow, sorrow, I need you to be there, I don't have the stroller I registered for..."

And, as you RSVP your regrets, "I wail, I prostrate myself, you can't come to the shower to honor my possible future baby (who may not live, mind you) with your token?"

Then, you open the thank-you note, written exactly as she describes, and when you call her, she says, "But didn't you notice, I wrote your address on the envelope MYSELF, even though my hands haven't worked since Thanksgiving..."

Yes, I might have screamed, too.

Did I mention, I love this one?  :)


This is one of the most hilarious things I've read in a long, long time.  I was *rolling*.




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Giggity

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #78 on: May 11, 2010, 04:38:08 PM »
Deb and Fidgets win the heck out of this thread.
Words mean things.

Bob Ducca

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #79 on: May 11, 2010, 04:51:16 PM »
You have no idea how much that means to me.  Really.  I needed to win something today. :)

Sharnita

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #80 on: May 11, 2010, 06:00:19 PM »
their generosity has been "noted"?

Rosey

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #81 on: May 11, 2010, 07:13:01 PM »
their generosity has been "noted"?

Maybe in the Big Book of Anti-Grievances? Or maybe in the Big Book of Grievances as a credit of sorts?

"Well, Dina didn't come to my shower, check against her. However, she sent a gift, so check for her. Hmmm . . . mark as 'person to be watched.'"

artk2002

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #82 on: May 11, 2010, 07:17:40 PM »
their generosity has been "noted"?

Yup.  That's one of the most ungracious things someone could put into a TYN.  It's cold and sounds more like a receipt that an expression of gratitude.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Azrail

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #83 on: May 11, 2010, 09:59:27 PM »
Quote
She received the same exact  "thank you" text, except I added that it was so nice of her to drop by on the day of the event when she totally could have come another time and that we really hoped she'd come visit, see the nursery and just spend some time at the house to make up for her not having attended.

I think this was the line that got me the most. You friend RSVP'd on time with her regrets, still managed to get you something extremely generous, managed to make time in her schedule to drop the gift off on the day of the shower, and yet she still has to make up for not attending?

It feels like this little freudian slip-like comment is seriously how she feels and thinks - everyone owes her.
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wolfie

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #84 on: May 11, 2010, 10:16:09 PM »

This is actually a question, hopefully not a story about a bad thank you note. Recently my husband and future SIL threw me a baby shower.  It is our second child but the sex is different from our first child, and the children are 4 1/2 years apart, also, at the time my first child was born, we lived in a very very small studio apartment and there was no room to save the baby items, so I ended up giving most of them away.  The result being that we needed a lot of new stuff, especially clothing.  I had saved a lot of my daughter's things but most of what she had was pink and frilly and not appropriate for my son (including the crib sheets, etc.) 


I will concede that dressing a boy in frilly dresses is not something you want to do unless you are desperate. But the sheets? By the time the kid cares about the kind of sheets he is sleeping on he will be well out of the crib and into a "real" bed.

Yvaine

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #85 on: May 12, 2010, 12:41:53 PM »

4. You (OST) couldn't figure out a suitable sucker in your own immediate family to strong-arm into holding the shower you wanted, so husband "dropped hints", not to a family member or a very, extremely close friend, but to the money-strapped, still-going-to-school fiancee of his brother.  Then you (OST) were a bit snotty about you and your husband having to do things because this "slacker" had neither the time nor money.    That attitude right there should win the Blue Team a Rudeness Gold Medal.
5. Having arm-wrestled someone into hosting this mess, you're sad because it isn't a surprise and you have to put some effort into it.  Still not Martyr Prize material.

This, so much! I just keep feeling sorry for the FSIL who got roped into this.

TheBardess

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #86 on: May 15, 2010, 06:49:33 PM »
Not to beat a dead horse (or the grease spot left by a previously beaten one), but.....  This thing is like the "Rude Olympics."

For the Blue (original story teller (OST) and husband) Team we have a score of:
1. Planned (evidently) pregnancy with no planning regarding the fact that babies need stuff.

Honestly, while I love this thread, and agree with pretty much everything that has been said (and otherwise think that Fidgets' score-card is genius!), this is actually the one point where I would go a little easy on the MTB. We really don't know whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned- it could easily have been either (hey, even the best, most rigorously-used protection isn't 100%). Either way, though, my reading of the story was that, at the time the MTB became pregnant, things actually weren't quite so dire. Yes, she says that both she and her husband are unemployed, but the reason she wasn't working was actually because of the pregnancy- she had had to stop working and go on disability because of the complications she was having. From what I can see, the sequence of events was not "Both husband and wife are unemployed and they get pregnant" but more "Wife, at least, is gainfully employed. Pregnancy ensues. Complications develop in pregnancy, so wife must stop being gainfully employed and collect disability." Sometimes, no matter how carefully you plan things, the rug still gets pulled out from under you. This is actually what happened to my DH and me. We got married shortly before I started my senior year of college. I was going to school full-time, so not working, but DH had a good job. However, three months after our wedding, DH got laid off. A week or two later, we found out I was pregnant, and BAM! There we were- a college senior and her unemployed husband with a baby on the way. It was not what we expected, and not the ideal situation, but it wasn't the result of us being irresponsible, and I would really hate to think that people were commenting on and speculating about the state of our family planning when it was really none of their business, or seeing our pregnancy in those less than perfect circumstances as a mark against us. As I said, sometimes the rug just gets pulled out from under you, and, having been there myself, this is where I would really try to give the LW the benefit of the doubt.

Of course, none of that excuses the long litany of martyred self-justification that follows...
« Last Edit: May 15, 2010, 06:51:47 PM by TheBardess »
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Carnation

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Re: This submitter goes out of her way to avoid looking bad, and fails
« Reply #87 on: May 16, 2010, 09:30:17 AM »
Gee, how did our parents raise us under such primitive conditions?   Just a crib, some clothing and feeding supplies.

Cloth diapers too! :o