Giving People Rides

[MissBrit]

I have a classmate who doesn't have a car. Because our classes and labs are on two different campuses, we tend to drive and park on whichever campus we have class on. This one particular girl seems to expect us to give her rides. She also complains about how her BF won't pick her up from this or that or take her here or there, etc. I asked her if a bus came by her appartment and she said she didn't know. Granted the bus isn't always the best option seeing as we sometimes stay at school unti 10 or 11 o'clock at night and the busses aren't running at that time, but there are certain times where it really could help. I took the bus many times when I was at the University I attended. I guess my question is, do you think she is being kind of rude for always expecting us to give her rides and not looking for alternative transportation?

[FoxPaws]

Yes, I think she is being rude to expect rides all the time. It would be different if you were offering, or if it were an occasional thing such as when it was too late for the busses to run.

If she wants daily car service, she should be willing to pitch in for gas and parking. I am certain that somewhere at your school there is information on the bus routes and schedules as well as a listing for people who want to carpool.

[politecanuck]

She should absolutely not expect rides, and if she is getting rides from you all the time she should pitch in for the associated costs such as gas and parking. She'd be getting off easily considering that it costs much more than that to run a car (the owner has to pay for maintenance, tires, insurance, and repairs).

[StaciNadia]

The one semester I was commuting to college and didn't drive (still don't, by choice), I had a ride with another student three days a week.  It was prearranged, and I paid her every week.  I can't imagine not paying a ride, especially so frequently.

[itiswhatitisn't]

She's very rude.  I didn't have a car at college and it was hard towards the end.  We had lab at another campus and a bus went there from main campus.  I also worked on that other campus late at night and did call once for a ride when I missed the last bus.  And it was like pulling teeth to get someone to come get me.  People usually gave rides back from lab.  This was because we were all done and leaving at the same time.  Sometimes I had lunch with a friend who then drove me to lab, but it wasn't a demand.

When we lived off campus the good grocery store was in another town.  The bad and shady grocery store was a five minute walk.  If my roommates offered I stocked up.  And when they didn't offer I went to the shady place.  They had no obligation to take me anywhere.

[MDefarge]

I'm sorry but this is one of my biggest pet peeves.  It is not *my* responsibility to drive *you* anywhere and you can be sure I won't if, at the very least you don't say thank you and offer to chip in for gas.  When I first lived off campus I didn't have a car - I took the bus everywhere and when I had to go to work on Sundays I took a cab.  It was not up to my roommates to make sure I got to work at 10 am on a weekend. 

[Evil Duckie]

Yes is being very rude. She needs to grow up. Your group is being very nice by giving her a ride regularly.

No one is entitled to having everyone provide them a ride. By not having a car of her own means that she is under the obligation to look at all forms of transportation to get her where she needs to go when she need to get there without demanding that someone provide for her. If that means buses, taxis, her bike, walking so be it.

[snowball's chance]

I guess my question is, do you think she is being kind of rude for always expecting us to give her rides and not looking for alternative transportation?

I have to admit that I did the same to a casual friend when I was in high school, when she finally confronted me on it, I felt terrible.  I have no excuse except that I was totally oblivious.

Since then, I found myself without a car while attending college, and tried to be the IDEAL passenger.  I don't ask for rides for rides from people who weren't going my way, and I always offered gas money.  If someone was nice enough to pick me up, I was ready when they arrived, and didn't ask them to stop here or there so I can get smokes, gum, pop, etc . . .

DO NOT feel guilty!!  I knew it was my choice that I didn't have a car, and that means I didn't rely on others to cart me around!  I had to arrange my class schedules around public transport times, and I also could anly accept jobs at places on the bus line.

[weirdfae]

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!

Neither me, my fiance, nor my roommates drive. I want to get somewhere, I walk or when the weather allows ride a bike and carry a backpack. During the summer I did most of my grocery shopping and errand running on a bike. Even with the snow, and being 8 months pregnant, I walk. It's good for me anyway.

 I do try to get a ride once a week for grocery shopping, but if that person can't, I find another way. I hate it, but I hate depending on people more. I do let the person know how much I appreciate it, and would never make them feel guity for not wanting to or being able to.

[snowball's chance]

weirdfae,

yes, I remember trying to do grocery shopping w/o a car, it wasn't easy, but I was w/ you; I didn't like depending on other people.

[bopper]

I might say:

"Classmate, I will give you a ride if you are going to the same campus as me.  This is when I am leaving for class and this is when I am going back.  If you can work with that I would be happy to drive you, otherwise I am afraid I can't."

Is she rude?  maybe, but what she is doing seems to be working for her.  You need to set boundaries that you are comfortable with.  She has to make it convenient for you, not the other way around.  Don't feel guilty.

[Clara Bow]

She's imposing, but I don't know about rude...totally. Her behavior has been enabled. She  may not realize how much of a nuisance she is being.
But not paying you guys? Now that is VERY rude. You should always compensate people when they go out of their way unless you are specifically told not to.
I think I would tell her that if I was going to continue to chaffeur her around she is going to have to cough up some money for gas. And I would also tell her that she might want to arrange her own transport. I've got a classmate who routinely misses class because she can't seem to get her tail to the busstop on time to get there....one should always have multiple options.

[EvilAlice]

I've always hated giving rides regularly to people.  When I worked retail, a lot of my coworkers didn't have cars and thought as long as they offered to pay or actually paid for gas, that I was almost obligated to give them rides.

If it was miserable weather or something, or if it was MY idea to be nice and offer a ride, it was fine.  But one guy in particular was such a horrible offender, asking me all the time.  I used to be less assertive and would usually give him one but most of the time I'd resent it.  It may be petty but after a long shift on my feet, that extra ten minutes it took me to get home was time being taken from me.

Unless someone is RIGHT on the route, where I can drop them off without deviating from my usual way home, I don't like being asked.  I may offer, but I really resent being asked.  Because then I feel mean for saying no.

Luckily it's almost never an issue anymore, and now I think it wouldn't bother me actually.  But back in the days where I knew lots of carless people, it was just another one of those annoying drip drip Chinese water torture things that drove me nuts.  It's not the one drop that will bother you, it's the cumulative effect of the whole thing.

[pryncsskittyn]

Get her a bus schedule.. hand it to her, and say "Sorry, but I'm a starving college kid, I just can't afford the gas.".... I don't know if she lives nearby, but if it was someone who just was there when I was leaving for class, and just happened to assume she was going along, I'd be sure not to be around when she thought I'd be available to give her a ride... find excuses like "Oh, sorry, I have to meet a professor" or, "I have a study group in the library"... find ways Not to give her a ride and she'll be forced to find other options... I'd still hand her a bus schedule

[Peaches737]

I am always happy to offer a ride, but I hate being expected to offer.  I gave a collegue a ride home thinking he was on the closer side of town (10 min away from our house) which ended up being on the far side of town.  It was 30 min each way.  Not so cool. 

I hate to make the guy yse the metro--(changing trains, and a 1 1/2 hour commute) but it took me that long to get him home after rush hour traffic.