Giving People Rides

[snowball's chance]

I've always hated giving rides regularly to people.  When I worked retail, a lot of my coworkers didn't have cars and thought as long as they offered to pay or actually paid for gas, that I was almost obligated to give them rides.

If it was miserable weather or something, or if it was MY idea to be nice and offer a ride, it was fine.  But one guy in particular was such a horrible offender, asking me all the time.  I used to be less assertive and would usually give him one but most of the time I'd resent it.  It may be petty but after a long shift on my feet, that extra ten minutes it took me to get home was time being taken from me.

Unless someone is RIGHT on the route, where I can drop them off without deviating from my usual way home, I don't like being asked.  I may offer, but I really resent being asked.  Because then I feel mean for saying no.

Luckily it's almost never an issue anymore, and now I think it wouldn't bother me actually.  But back in the days where I knew lots of carless people, it was just another one of those annoying drip drip Chinese water torture things that drove me nuts.  It's not the one drop that will bother you, it's the cumulative effect of the whole thing.

This same thing happened to a friend of mine, she finally had to always say she had plans.

[willow2483]

I don't mind if someone says "Willow, my car will be in the shop tomorrow, would you mind picking me up / dropping me off?"  I hate it when people spring it on you!  For example, we used to have a guy named Ryan at my work who asked me for a ride ten minutes before I was supposed to leave.  I said, well sure OK, and as soon as he got in my car, he flipped down the sun visor and started fiddling with his tongue.  Turned out he had a tongue ring that he had to remove during work, and was afraid it would close in the FIVE MINUTES it would take to drive him home.

Luckily, he was let go a month after that.

I definitely agree you are not being rude.  I would also say "Classmate, I am leaving at X time and will return at Y time, but unfortunately due to my own schedule I will not be able to accommodate any deviations, even five minutes.  Here is a bus schedule if you can't meet me at the said times."

[IndianInlaw]

Between 1983 and 2002, I walked to the grocery store.  I had one of those folding carts, but I walked to the grocery store.  Winter, spring, summer fall, I walked to the grocery store.  When my son was too little to walk with me, I pulled him in a wagon.

 If I wanted to go somewhere, I took the bus. If there was a special event at night, I took the bus and called a cab to go home.

I only asked my best friend for a ride if my son was sick and needed to go to the doctor.

I can't see where anybody owed me a ride.

We have a truck now, and I should go out and kiss it, shouldn't I?

[caranfin]

I hate to make the guy yse the metro--(changing trains, and a 1 1/2 hour commute) but it took me that long to get him home after rush hour traffic.

You weren't making him do anything. It was his choice.

[kingsrings]

I allowed myself to be a pushover on this issue years ago with a friend of mine. I was constantly giving him rides everywhere because he didn't drive. He claimed he couldn't because of a medical condition, but I don't know if that was true or not. Even if it was, that doesn't give him an excuse to take advantage of people like that as he could still find his own transportation many other ways (Paratransit, bus, taxi, light rail, etc.). Never once I think did he give me any gas money. When I complained about how much I was driving him around, he would tell me that if I was a good friend, I would do it, and that "caring meant sharing".

[goblue2539]

he would tell me that if I was a good friend, I would do it, and that "caring meant sharing".

Did you throw that one back in his face and remind him that he hadn't shared anything with you?  If not, you're a better woman than I am. 

[kingsrings]

he would tell me that if I was a good friend, I would do it, and that "caring meant sharing".

Did you throw that one back in his face and remind him that he hadn't shared anything with you?  If not, you're a better woman than I am. 

Nope, unfortunately I was a big pushover then, so I didn't say anything.

[goblue2539]

Nope, unfortunately I was a big pushover then, so I didn't say anything.

I remember the days when I would've thought telling your friend he was full of it was rude, so I completely understand.  But, aren't you glad you're here now?

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

If she wants daily car service, she should be willing to pitch in for gas and parking. I am certain that somewhere at your school there is information on the bus routes and schedules as well as a listing for people who want to carpool.

I don't drive, as most people know. It's not for want of trying; I've had dozens of lessons and spent hundreds of bucks. My hand-eye coordination is terrible and I just can't manage. No matter what I do or how many instructions I'm given, I just cannot make the car do what it's supposed to (really annoying, disheartening and plain frustrating for someone with an IQ of 130 who can usually do something the first time). My last driving instructor finally said, "Just stop wasting your money."

But I live in Johannesburg. Those without cars are pretty much scr3wed. I get a lift to and sometimes from school from a friend, #1. I get a lift from school sometimes with another friend, #2 (we all work at the school and I live on both their ways home). I make sure to give friend #1 her a thoughtful gift every month or so, and about twice as much petrol money as it actually costs, towards the end of the month (she's a struggling single mother). Occasionally I will ask her for a lift somewhere and if she's not busy she will agree (today, for example, I had to go for an ultrasound -my doctor suspected cysts - everything's fine - the hospital is only half a k from my house). I made sure to let her know that I really appreciated the hour she spent taking me after school ended.

I help friend #2 out by doing tasks at school that she'd normally have to do (changing towels in the bathroom, buying soap, shredding, copying, etc), getting her thoughtful gifts and giving petrol money. And making darn sure that she knows I appreciate it. And whenever I need a lift I do not say, "I need a lift," I say, "Friend #2, would you be able to give me a lift this arvie?" And if not, she'll tell me and I can organize with someone else.

I am always conscious that the person is doing me a *favour*. I can't get over people who just expect others to drive them around with nary a thank you.

I am very conscious of the fact that someday my lift sources may dry up. Then what will I do? I will learn the taxi system! Most people are shocked when I say this because taxis are used almost exclusively by black people (not taxis like New York ones, these are mini-buses that hold 20 people and most are operated informally), but if they can rely on taxis, so can I.

My bugbear is when people berate me for not knowing how to drive and say, "You need to learn to drive." REALLY? Until you pointed that out, I had no idea that driving was important! 

[Cattaby]

I have a friend like that. While I love him to bits, I hate how I feel pressured to give him (and others!) lifts just because they live in the same general area as me (a few suburbs over). I used to wave off petrol money (when my parents paid for it!), but now that I don't live with them anymore and petrol prices have shot up, that 10km every few days really eats into my petrol budget. I always get thanked at the end of the ride, but I feel like a bit of a tight bottom asking for money when it's just a little way out, and it was sort of on my way anyway y'know?

What I've always wanted to implement is a 'joke' money box in the car with 'taxi fare' written on it. And to have people (voluntarily - I'm not going to ask for it!) drop in any small change they have. Hey, that adds up too!