Is asking someone about their fav ethnic restaurant rude?

[heathert]

This happened at another company but after reading all this other stuff, it got me to thinking about things that I remembered.

I was working at a big insurance company and an Asian work-friend was upset because some guy she didn't really know asked her if she knew of any "good asian restaurants."  I kinda gulped because the prior week I had asked someone I knew was full-blooded italian what their favorite restaurant was.  She seemed to not take offense and told me what her preferences were, but was I wrong in asking her?  If not, was my asian friend upset because she didn't really know the guy or is there someone I'm missing? 

Thanks,
Heather

[MDefarge]

If not, was my asian friend upset because she didn't really know the guy or is there someone I'm missing?

I think she was probably upset because she didn't really know him at all, and it seemed (to her, and also to me) that he was just asking her because she *is* Asian and not because he knows  she eats in those types of restaurants a lot.  Heck for all he knows her actual preference could be for Mexican or French food. 

[Athos_000]

I think it is the tone and situation the guy used. If I am chatting with my Indian friends and ask them what's the best restaurant for good Indian food, or what is their favorite restaurant I don't think it is rude. Corralling a co-worker you don't know and saying.. hey you're Indian, where is the best place to eat Indian food? seems rude to me.

[kathrynne]

If not, was my asian friend upset because she didn't really know the guy or is there someone I'm missing?

I think she was probably upset because she didn't really know him at all, and it seemed (to her, and also to me) that he was just asking her because she *is* Asian and not because he knows  she eats in those types of restaurants a lot.  Heck for all he knows her actual preference could be for Mexican or French food. 

ITA.

[Alida]

I wouldn't be upset.  I have had many people ask me for my favorite Italian restaurant, given my background.

[twinkletoes]

I think it's an unusual question to ask someone you really don't know.  I agree with everyone who thinks he asked her because she is Asian. 

Think of how different it would have been if everyone was sitting around discussing options for lunch, and someone mentioned "hey, let's go to the Chinese restuarant around the corner" and the OP's friend said "ugh, they make terrible egg rolls, and their sweet-and-sour chicken is nothing to write home about."  And then the coworker asked her if she knew of any good Asian restaurants.  Context is *everything*.

[Thipu1]

I agree with everybody that it isn't rude so long as the questioner and the questioned know each other.  Mr. Thipu's Chinese so we often get asked about good places in Chinatown.  No problem.  He takes it as a bit of a compliment.

Not only is asking a relative stranger to suggest a place to eat based on ethnicity somewhat rude, it can be hazardous.  Believe me, in every ethnic group there are some people who have what Calvin Trillen once called a 'naugehyde palate'.  You really don't want to eat at places they like.   

[Clara Bow]

A Calvin Trillin person! Pass the smelling salts, I never expected to find one!
I think she may have been a little hypersensitive. I mean, if the guy phrased himself rudely or something I could see it. Maybe it was because she didn't know him.
I often ask my ethnic friends who has the best food from their culture. Sometimes I've even had them cook me the real deal...heaven!
Of course I'll ask anyone anything, just ask our Jewish, British and Catholic readers I routinely hassle with cultural questions....better to ask than stay ignorant I say.

[Slartibartfast]

I can understand asking someone this if you know they have ties to a particular culture and they would know "real" cuisine . . . but definitely not if I didn't know the person fairly well already!  A third-generation Vietnamese-American friend of mine (living in an area where Asian people were fairly uncommon at the time) always got asked about her suggestions for good Chinese food.  First of all, she's a full-blooded American, never been out of North America, and other than the color of her skin, doesn't have any particular connection to Asian culture or customs.  Second, Vietnam and China are two totally different countries, so even if she did know, it would be about the wrong place.  Thirdly, she grew up on good ol' McDonalds like the rest of us Americans because her parents didn't like to cook, so she wouldn't have been able to tell you what "authentic" Vietnamese food tastes like!

[lolane]

Did he ask her what the best "Asian" food restaurant was or did he ask her about a specific type of Asian cusine? I could see why she would be offended if he asked about asian food in general. I mean she cannot be expected to be an expert on any one type of food let alone all the different types of food in that region of the world.

Also, there is a difference between asking someone you know and asking some random stranger or acquaintance. It also depends on whether you know the person frequents those types of restaurants.

[twinkletoes]

Exactly, Lolane.  I have a friend whose mother's family is Cuban, and they frequent Cuban restaurants.  I think it would be A-OK if I asked her about where I can go in town for good Cuban food.

I have another friend whose parents were born and raised in Italy.  They grew up eating the traditional Italian cooking, and it's always amusing to ask them which restaurants in town serve good Italian food!

[Squeaks]

I think she was being a tad oversensitive. (Provided he did not ask in a condescending way) 

His asking is in some ways a compliment – he likely likes the food and wants to eat more, again that is a cultural compliment.

Different cultures are nothing to be ashamed of or push under the rug, it’s good to celebrate them and explore others.  The reality is that many times American restaurants the food is Americanized – there is nothing wrong with seeking out a native, or someone more likely to be familiar with authentic food in the hopes of finding a place that is closer to the real thing – or at least really good. 

I can see some offence for an Asian to be asked about an Asian restaurant since Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, etc. are all very different and should not be lumped together as if they are all the same. 

I think a good answer would have been to giggle and say Panda Express just to see their reaction. 

[Bijou]

This happened at another company but after reading all this other stuff, it got me to thinking about things that I remembered.

I was working at a big insurance company and an Asian work-friend was upset because some guy she didn't really know asked her if she knew of any "good asian restaurants."  I kinda gulped because the prior week I had asked someone I knew was full-blooded italian what their favorite restaurant was.  She seemed to not take offense and told me what her preferences were, but was I wrong in asking her?  If not, was my asian friend upset because she didn't really know the guy or is there someone I'm missing? 

Thanks,
Heather

It doesn't seem at all rude to me.  If someone asked me about a good Portuguese or Finnish restaurant I'd gladly tell them, if I knew of any.  Or an American restaurant, for that matter.

[blarg314]

Asking about their favourite 'Asian' restauraunt could be seen as ignorant, however - it's not the same as asking about Chinese, or Thai, or Vietnamese, but lumps all Asian cuisines (which are very different) into a single category.

[WestAussieGirl]

I agree that I think the problem is that he asked for "Asian" which probably implies that he thinks of all Asian cultures (people??) are the same.

I've asked friends from China about the local Chinese restaurants, Indians about their favourite Indian restaurant etc.  They have never been upset but I think that's because I know enough about them to actually know where they come from.