Helping Out

[sammycat]

How do fellow board members feel about people coming to over to your house before an event to help you set up?  I'm not referring to cases where you may have asked someone to come early and help out, but instances where people volunteer to come early and help?  I know they are offering for all the right reasons and I do appreciate the gesture, but quite frankly, it drives me crazy.  I always find that in those situations extra people beforehand just makes extra work.  I usually have most things organised anyway (decorations, food prepared etc) so really don't need extra help, especially if my husband is here helping too.

Normally I just say something along the lines of, thank you very much but everything's under control and most people seem to respect that.  But occasionally someone will turn up early (often before I'm dressed properly  ) or disregard my 'thanks but no thanks'.  In those cases I often feel as though I am supposed to entertain them as well as finishing off the few last minute details, which can make things awkward.

This is my busy time of year with hosting birthday parties and Christmas gatherings and just wondered if I am making too big a deal out of this or whether it bothers other people too?

[Coruscation]

I find strangers more of a pain than a help if it is a job I am good at doing. Last time my mother and aunt came over, they "helped" me fold my washing. I spent more time removing things that needed to be ironed from the folding pile and sorting out the clothes into the person they belonged to than it would have taken me to fold the washing. They were so keen though, I couldn't ask them to stop. In the end I went and got my "odd sock" box and that kept the two of them occupied.

Christmas Day at my house, I spend more time finding stuff for the relatives while they get in my way than anything else.

Extra people are handy if it is

1)a big job than needs more than one pair of hands eg decorating.
2) a boring repetetive job than can be easily explained eg. Stack the chairs into piles of five and put them against the wall.

[blarg314]

If someone shows up very early you are under no obligation to let them in.

I try to have the place clean and ready for guests 1/2 hour before the stated start of the party (most of the guests will be coming by public transit or through a lot of traffic, so gauging travel times can be hard).  Then, I'm ready to answer the door in between setting out food, arranging vegetable trays, preparing punch and things like that.

If someone shows up unreasonably early, then you can just not answer the door - "I was in my bathrobe", or "Oh, I must have been in the shower" are perfectly reasonable responses if someone asks where you were.

I generally have things plotted out, and unless I know someone well and know that they will be useful, offers to help are more trouble than they are worth.

[Clara Bow]

I am wierd about my kitchen...I'm dreading Christmas Eve because I know my stepmother in law is going to be all up in my Kool-Aid in the kitchen and I can't stand that. Politely tell people that you don't need any help, thanks for asking. Then don't answer the door early. Tell them you were showering or in the back and didn't hear them.
Guests who show up more than ten or so minutes early are rude IMHO.....

[girlmusic]

In those cases I often feel as though I am supposed to entertain them as well as finishing off the few last minute details, which can make things awkward.

I feel the same way. Unless I have specifically asked someone to come early, I don't want them showing up early. There are a few exceptions - if my best friend asks if I need her help and wants to come early, I don't need to entertain her and she has seen me at my worst, so if I'm not dressed it is not a big deal.

[kingsrings]

A friend of mine loves to have us over for lunch frequently. She takes care of everything and doesn't want any help at all, period. She's very vocal about this, too. When she gives the invitations out, she tells us upfront to not show up before a certain time, and once we do show up, to stay out of her kitchen.
If she sees going near her kitchen, she comes running over, asking us what we want out of there. Why don't you just do what she does? When you issue the invite, make it clear that people are not to show up early and that you don't need any extra help. Emphasize that it's all about you hosting them, and it would take the joy out of it if they helped.