The opposite of "when are you getting married"

[Ko-Ko]

At my job, I have the terrible luck to work with a very irritating woman (Rita). When I first met Rita, I kind of liked her because she seemed very outspoken and confident, but it turned out that she is only a nuisance. She started talking to me when we had no customers around, and she eventually began telling me about why she decided to never marry. She basically ended up saying that in today's world women should care for themselves and not have to rely on anyone. She then directly asked me what I think. I know now that I should have changed the subject, but hindsight is slightly worse than 20/20, and I responded honestly. I told her that while I agree that women can be independent and take care of themselves, I would be pretty disappointed if I never married.

She just gave me the strangest look and asked why, and I gave some stupid reply. She started on some nonsense about how if women kept "tieing themselves down" the feminist movement would be all for nothing! Fortunately I actually managed to find something clever to say and told her that a truly independent intelligent woman could live a successful life and still be happy with a husband if she wanted one. She left it alone after that, but she kept sighing and looking at me with with this look on her face. It was like she was saying, "Poor silly little Ko-Ko, wrapped up in her silly little dreams." It was irritating, not to mention condescending, and if there's anything I hate, it's people being condescending.  It's just as bad as the situation in the other thread where people are pressuring the OP to get married. Why can't people just make their own choices, and leave everyone else out of it? Thanks for reading.

Ko-Ko
 

[kathrynne]

Because everyone knows better than you do what is good for you? I wish I could say this is exaggeration, but it's not.

[alli_wan]

Why can't people just make their own choices, and leave everyone else out of it? Thanks for reading.


Your coworker is confusing feminism with being a self-righteous female dog.  The whole point of feminism was to give women the freedom to make choices, not to make those choices for them.

And the desire for companionship is not the same thing as being tied down.  The ability to be independent is not negated by choosing not to be alone.

(On the flipside, you should never marry because you feel you are 'supposed to' or to have someone 'take care of you,' because reality has a way of crushing those kinds of expectations.)  However, if you want to be married, be assured that this doesn't make you naive or behind the times.

[Ko-Ko]

Why can't people just make their own choices, and leave everyone else out of it? Thanks for reading.



(On the flipside, you should never marry because you feel you are 'supposed to' or to have someone 'take care of you,' because reality has a way of crushing those kinds of expectations.)  However, if you want to be married, be assured that this doesn't make you naive or behind the times.

If she had just said that, that would have been perfectly fine, but some people always have to get involved...

Ko-Ko

[Twik]

This wouldn't be a divorced plump blonde woman, would it? Because she sounds a LOT like someone I once worked with.

Given any encouragement, such as saying "Hello", she would start her rant about how happy she was to be single, how I must be ecstatic to be single, how she'd never, NEVER in a million years think about remarrying....

It took all my self control to keep from saying, "Now, dear, don't sound so desperate. If you really were that happy about being single, you'd shut up about it occasionally."

[alli_wan]

They probably have to get involved because they feel insecure in their own choices and circumstances.

People who really don't enjoy their children all the time and feel guilty about it pressure people to have kids.  People who perhaps regret not having children sneer down at the 'irresponsible parents of the human variety'.

People who have cold feet or aren't secure in their marriages make singles feel bad because they weren't 'chosen'.  People who desperately want to be married and aren't try to convince the rest of the world that 'choosing' to be single is the only acceptable way.

Look at your coworker.  With that kind of attitude, is she trying compensate or explain away that she is generally not a nice person?  Or is she so insecure that she feels she can't get married, thus she doesn't want to?

Not all of us can get married, whether we want to or not.  Like in many areas of life, people will try to cut down those who have what they want, (or perhaps in your case, those they feel are in a better position to get it.)

[Ko-Ko]

I don't know if she's jealous, but I guess it's possible. I guess if anything, I have the fact that I don't get involved in other people's decisions for no reason going for me. I don't know if any guys would say, "Hey check out the reasonableness on that babe!" but it has to count for something!

Ko-Ko
 

[alli_wan]

I don't know if she's jealous, but I guess it's possible. I guess if anything, I have the fact that I don't get involved in other people's decisions for no reason going for me. I don't know if any guys would say, "Hey check out the reasonableness on that babe!" but it has to count for something!

Ko-Ko
 

Well, I've never known anyone to say that, (though they should), but I know a lot of nasty, unhappy people who never figured out that an average body and average income was not going to make up for an abusive, rude and self-centered personality somewhat akin to battery acid.  (But somehow they seemed to think feminism meant it should).

I'm not saying you need a perfect body to attract a man, but if you are going to be an utter witch (not in the Pagan sense), you'd better be either a ten or an heiress, because most people are not stupid enough to put up with that.  At least not in the long term.

[ZipTheWonder]

She started on some nonsense about how if women kept "tieing themselves down" the feminist movement would be all for nothing!

She's mistaken.  The feminist movement would have been for nothing if women were not free to choose whether they wished to "tie themselves down" or not.

[Twik]

I don't know if any guys would say, "Hey check out the reasonableness on that babe!" but it has to count for something!

Ko-Ko
 

Dear Ko-Ko, I am SOOO going to steal that and pretend it's mine someday!

[Ko-Ko]

I don't know if any guys would say, "Hey check out the reasonableness on that babe!" but it has to count for something!

Ko-Ko
 

Dear Ko-Ko, I am SOOO going to steal that and pretend it's mine someday!

Go ahead, I probably accidentally stole it from someone else and thought it was mine. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened. 

[scotcat]

She started talking to me when we had no customers around, and she eventually began telling me about why she decided to never marry. She basically ended up saying that in today's world women should care for themselves and not have to rely on anyone.

Perhaps she is trying to convince herself  as well as you, of her reasons why she is decided against matrimony.

Women should know how to care for themselves, because if they are suddenly without a husband or partner, they can run into all sorts of difficulties. And it's the same with men, I've known men who didn't even know their own collar size because "The wife sees to all that". But if a woman wants a husband or partner, there is nothing wrong with that. Many of the early suffragettes were happily married, and their husbands supported Votes for Women.

[Twik]

Tell her not to worry about you "relying" on a man - your plan is to make so much money that when you marry your husband will never have to work. 

[Bijou]

At my job, I have the terrible luck to work with a very irritating woman (Rita). When I first met Rita, I kind of liked her because she seemed very outspoken and confident, but it turned out that she is only a nuisance. She started talking to me when we had no customers around, and she eventually began telling me about why she decided to never marry. She basically ended up saying that in today's world women should care for themselves and not have to rely on anyone. She then directly asked me what I think. I know now that I should have changed the subject, but hindsight is slightly worse than 20/20, and I responded honestly. I told her that while I agree that women can be independent and take care of themselves, I would be pretty disappointed if I never married.

She just gave me the strangest look and asked why, and I gave some stupid reply. She started on some nonsense about how if women kept "tieing themselves down" the feminist movement would be all for nothing! Fortunately I actually managed to find something clever to say and told her that a truly independent intelligent woman could live a successful life and still be happy with a husband if she wanted one. She left it alone after that, but she kept sighing and looking at me with with this look on her face. It was like she was saying, "Poor silly little Ko-Ko, wrapped up in her silly little dreams." It was irritating, not to mention condescending, and if there's anything I hate, it's people being condescending.  It's just as bad as the situation in the other thread where people are pressuring the OP to get married. Why can't people just make their own choices, and leave everyone else out of it? Thanks for reading.

Ko-Ko
 

I wonder if she thinks men are 'tying themselves down' when they marry, or is it only women whose lives are 'short-changed' by getting married?  Surely she can't be encouraging a double standard!

[Pixie]

My Mom always told me not to be dependent on a man. Death and divorce happen, and I would be alone.  What she meant was that weather married or single I should always be prepared to take care of myself and stand on my own two feet should anything happen to the man in my life.  It really was good advice, and I have told my own daughters the same thing. 

 Having a husband in the Air Force, anything could happen-- I pray it won't--- but I know that if the worst happened, the kids and I would be able to function financially.   (Emotionally is a whole nuther kettle of fish)   THAT is what my Mom wanted me to be able to do.   Be able to take care of myself if I ever needed to do so.  She never wanted me to be alone or unhappy.

Mom was a pretty smart cookie.