The opposite of "when are you getting married"

[NEDESAPIO]

I've decided never to marry either, for reasons of my own.  But I would NEVER tell another woman that she should live her life as I've chosen to.  Ko-Ko is right:  why can't people just mind their own business and stay out of things which don't concern them?

[Virg]

Ko-Ko wrote:

"I don't know if any guys would say, "Hey check out the reasonableness on that babe!" but it has to count for something!"

I know many, many people of both genders who would find that ability to be quite attractive.  I've also met a number of women who thought that feminism means avoiding men, and men who think that marrying is getting "tamed".  I think the lot of them are not worth the effort to deal with them.  Assuming you're planning to marry because you love someone, I can't imagine how that would somehow be "selling out" feminism.  I know a number of married feminists, and they don't seem to have any difficulty with it.  Like so many others here said, feminism is about being able to choose, not about what you ultimately choose.

Ignore her looks and sighs.  It's not her concern, and it's polite to ignore such rudeness.

Virg

[snowball's chance]

My Mom always told me not to be dependent on a man. Death and divorce happen, and I would be alone.  What she meant was that weather married or single I should always be prepared to take care of myself and stand on my own two feet should anything happen to the man in my life.  It really was good advice, and I have told my own daughters the same thing. 

 Having a husband in the Air Force, anything could happen-- I pray it won't--- but I know that if the worst happened, the kids and I would be able to function financially.   (Emotionally is a whole nuther kettle of fish)   THAT is what my Mom wanted me to be able to do.   Be able to take care of myself if I ever needed to do so.  She never wanted me to be alone or unhappy.

Mom was a pretty smart cookie.

This is so true. . . one of the best pieces of advice I've read on this board!

[Buffy2424]

It annoys me when people are 30 years too late to the game, and then think everyone else just hasn't gotten there yet.

Tell her that Gloria Steinem tied the knot. 

Recently I went to a dinner party with my husband's new co-workers.  On the way there, he told me that they were a great group, but that when we get in we should try to be seated next to anyone but a certain 50-year old, dark-haired woman wearing X kind of glasses. 

Because apparently she considers herself feminist counselor to all women, and gives younger women (like another certain co-worker) a hard time.

Well.  We get there and of course I get stuck on the end of the table, right next to the woman he described to me.  I didn't get a chance to get to know his other co-workers (some I only just saw) because this woman monopolized me entirely!  Mostly about how women shouldn't get married.  How young women... ie, like me... shouldn't get married.

She seemed kind of smug and lecture-y about it (like she invented the wheel, you know what I mean).  So when the topic of college came up I delighted in telling her that one of my degrees is in Women's Studies.  Ha.  I WIN. 

[bopper]

I think I might say:

"I am glad we live in a place and time where women have the choice to get married or not."

[Marathoner]

I think that the best action is no action.  Simply ignore her comments.  If you try to express why you want to marry she will pull you into an all-out debate and you will have to stand there and waste you breath for nothing.  I recognize "her type".  I work with a lot of them.  Not only was I chastised for getting married, but heaven forbid  , I took my husband's last name.  No woman in this office could understand why I would do that.  I wish I had just ignored them instead of arguing back when they would bring it up.  What was I trying to prove?  That I could outlast them in a debate?  Total silliness 

[snowball's chance]

Ko-Ko,

When I got my first paycheck at my current job (my first REAL job), I was complaining to a co-worker about how much $$ they took out for my pension.  (My attitude was, I'm 21 & don't need a pension.)  Another woman overheard me, and made a point to come over and say to me, "What do you think you're going to do, depend on some guy?"  I have since learned that this woman is totally insane. 

Never mind that I have always prided myself on being an independent woman.  I knew the truth, so don't let this woman tell you you are anti-feminist just because you hope to one meet the right person to share your life with.

[Reddie321]

I wonder if she thinks men are 'tying themselves down' when they marry, or is it only women whose lives are 'short-changed' by getting married?  Surely she can't be encouraging a double standard!

Ouch!  Ko-ko, you should definitely file this little nugget away for future rants from Looney Toones Rita.

Niiiiiiiiiice Jeaniuskc!   

[drzim]

I agree that she was rude to you, but I think you should consider the possibility that she was hurt or insulted by your comment and was reacting in a defensive way.  Maybe when you said that "you would be disappointed" she took it to mean that you also thought her life was disappointing since she had never married.   Even if your statement is true, I can see how it might be taken the wrong way.

It still doesn't excuse her rudeness, but maybe you could see where she's coming from.....

[Raintree]

I hate the old "you don't need a man to make you happy" argument when it's used to make you feel guilty for wanting one. Personally, I've had rotten luck with my love life, I've been in a number of relationships and I've also spent a good deal of time single. Like now.  I'm generally happy, have a great career, many friends and lots of interests and activities. There. I've satisfied the requirement of "being true to yourself first" or whatever the catchphrase of the day is. Now, is it so wrong to feel that there is one thing missing in my life and to want to have it, namely, long-term companionship (male, non-platonic), intimacy, sex, and partnership? We weren't given these urges for nothing.