Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

My name is Shatzie, and I am a "yes" addict.

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CakeBeret:
I sometimes feel that I do not have the ability to say no.

My aunt called me Wednesday and asked me to pick up her little boy from school, and take him to his dad's work. From home, to school, to work, back home, it would be about 45 minutes roundtrip and I just plain did not want to. I said no. She said fine and hung up. 15 minuets later she called back and basically begged--"School just let out and I haven't even left yet, I'm in the middle of something, pleeeease!" I said no, and she snapped "FINE. I'll just do it mySELF." And, unfortunately, I finally caved. But, I did make them fork over $10 for my trouble.

But this is an ongoing problem for me. If I do not have a "legitimate" excuse for not doing someone a favor, then I can't say no. I've tried telling myself that "I need to eat my lunch" is legitimate enough, but it never works. I feel like I have to have a good excuse to tell people if I have to tell them no.

Obviously I know in my mind that saying "No" or "that won't be possible" is perfectly acceptable, but...I can't make it happen IRL for me.

Help!

Kaylee:
Hello, shatzie!   ;)

Practice makes perfect, is all I can say.  And you know you can always get lots of backup here.  You know all the good lines...Her lack of planning doesn't constitute your emergency.  No is a complete sentence.  You can add "I'm sorry" to "That won't be possible."  Just don't get into the discussion, which is where you're getting tangled up, it sounds like.

Phoebe:
Shatzie, I totally understand.....I could have written your post myself.  I wish I had some advice, but honestly I haven't found the secret that works for me.  I've figured out that the reason people keep pestering until I cave is that the guilt comes out somehow in my voice/shows on my face.  They're picking up on some subtle vibe I must be projecting.

I'm a grown woman, for goodness sake, I can handle lots of difficult situations, but I can't seem to do this! (sigh)  :(

I'mnotinsane:
I feel for you because I also know how hard it is to refuse when you are in the moment.  I agree with Kaylee that you should not even discuss the matter.  Perhaps you can try writing down some of our phrases and keep them by your phone.

Elle:
Hello my name is Elle and I've been on the 'yes' wagon for almost two months.   

It feels so 'good' to say yes and not have the other person be mad at you. But then you just end up feeling bad for a lot longer when you resent that your time is being taken up. They won't stay mad long, and you only have to do it a few times before they figure out that when you mean 'no' you actually mean 'no.'

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