A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Humor Me!

Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

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behindbj:
I've noticed lately that I've been feeling rather silly lately and a decent amount of conversation I engage in or stuff I read has had at least one instance of something that sounded dirty but wasn't.

So - I thought I would do this thread again (I think I started in on a prior version of this board).

Here goes:

I was at my local yarn shop last Saturday, working on a feather-and-fan scarf with some mohair I have had for years (the company, a local maker, went out of business years ago).

The lady sitting next to me turned to me and asked, "May I fondle your boucle?"

Not before you buy me dinner, you won't.

Anyone else have the sillies?

behindbj

afbluebelle:
Heh... at work today there was an misfire at the butt. ;D

Gun but, that is.  Jammed guns are kinda funny.

snoopygirl:
  I was walking home with my husband after the day of work that wasn't. I was tired, cranky and wearing dress clothes which I hate to wear. I turned to my husband and went 'I can't wait to get out of these clothes'. He knew what I meant I was complaing all day about how I wanted to go home and put sweats or jeans on. I am sure the lady walking down the street at the same time didn't know that is what I meant. My hubby said I really shouldn't say stuff like that with people about.

behindbj:
There are regulars who sit near me at the baseball park who I see every single game.  One day, I was walking down the street and ran into one of them.  I said "Hi!  How are you doin'?"  And he looked at me for a minute, and then another minute before he finally figured out who I was. 

After he said 'hello' back and we chatted for a minute,  he came out with "I don't think I've ever seen you with clothes on!"

As in "business clothes."  As opposed to "baseball game clothes."

behindbj

Ferrets:
[Names changed to protect the innocent and amused.]

I once barrelled over to the tent of a musketeer I knew after a battle re-enactment. He wasn't there, so I found his wife and chirpily enquired, "Hi Sue, is it OK with you if I borrow Steve's worm? I'll use it right here, it won't take a minute."

Didn't even realise how that sounded till Sue started snorting with laughter.

[The context clarifies: I'd had a misfire, which had clogged my musket, and needed the 'worm' (small metal spiral attachment that screws onto the end of the cleaning rods) to work out the doused wadding.]

Took a while to live that one down. ::)

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