Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Delia DeLyons]

I once spent several months working in a very bare bones operation that was still being built/expanded as it was being populated with workers.  As a result, our building's bathroom facilities hadn't been hooked up to a sewer as yet and we had to use Port-O-Johnnies (yeah - in 120F degree heat  )  Whenever one of us had to run an errand to the main headquarters building, we would make a point of using their bathroom, as indoor plumbing was considered quite the luxury.  We had to travel in pairs for safety anyway, so usually it was "Who needs to use the potty?" and that's how we got a travel buddy...

Which led to me one day telling the very important, but quite personable Chief of Staff:  "Oh, I just came over to take advantage of your plumbing!"

   I practically ran away from him as soon as the words escaped my mouth!  Ugh...  although the alternative meaning to the literal never seemed to cross his mind and he was a   bit confused as to why I made such a hasty retreat...

[M-theory]

I go by the name Rissa among good friends. This loans itself to various jokes, as it sounds similar to "Reese's," among other things.

I bet you can already see where this is going!

Playing EVE Online with friends. Someone cracks "There's no wrong way to eat a Rissa." I counter with "Disagree, it's all about technique."

Luckily most people I become friends with are also perverts, or it would have been awkward after that...

[Ferrets]

Playing EVE Online with friends. Someone cracks "There's no wrong way to eat a Rissa." I counter with "Disagree, it's all about technique."

:shakes fist: Curse you, woman: I'm in the middle of an office* and just had to stifle a highly undignified (and rather explosive) fit of the giggles reading that.

*Well, it's tea-break. But still.

[POF]

"Okaay...let's do it" (a few seconds later) "Spread your legs a bit more" (a few seconds later) "Now we're gonna move back and forth, try to keep a constant rythm".
The trainer at the gym.
Yeah, that's full of faux filth too. (or maybe I'm obsessed)

Not obsessed - my trainer will say these kinds things and I'll get the giggles and he doesn't know why ..... Can't think of any good examples - that's a great one though.

[CakeEater]

My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."

[POF]

At the gym this week, my trainer is being shadowed by a new trainer.  My trainer ( Mr. Psycho) was trying to get my to hold this kettle ball weight correctly. He's a little bit hyper and he's telling me - grasp it firmly, squeeze it, now rotate it, keep up with this rythym ..... I looked at the new guy who's maybe early 20's and we LOST it.  Mr. Psycho ( early 40's ) is like ... WHAT ? WHAT ? ..... I was bent over in hysterics.  Mr. Psycho has a great sense of humour ... but I finally had to repeat back to him what he said .... and I told him THINK about it. 

Thankfully we were at the end of the session.

On the way out Mr. Psycho gets an evil grin and tells me to be prepared to die next week.

[Giggity]

From The Music Man..

Balzac

Marge: I cannot believe this! I'm trying to give our daughter a head start in life, and you aren't helping a bit!
Homer: Marge, name one successful person in life who ever lived without air conditioning.
Marge: Balzac!
Homer: No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one.
Marge: But Balzac is the name-
Homer: [interrupting] "If ifs' and buts were candy and nuts..." um, how does the rest of that go?

[Miss Vertigo]

My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."

That's brilliant. There's just no way out of that one, is there?

Last night, we were once again visited by the double-entendre fairy at concert band rehearsal, when the MD raised his baton for the downbeat and demanded a nice firm entrance. Gawd, but I love that man and his accidental innuendo.

[Kimblee]

My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."

Too funny!

[Slartibartfast]

My religion class dissolved into fits of giggles when I read from the Bible at Christmas where the angel says to Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come on you and you will conceive a child." Made worse by me trying to make it better by saying, "Come over you, no, come upon you, no, visit you."

That's brilliant. There's just no way out of that one, is there?

Last night, we were once again visited by the double-entendre fairy at concert band rehearsal, when the MD raised his baton for the downbeat and demanded a nice firm entrance. Gawd, but I love that man and his accidental innuendo.

When our normally proper choir director got a faulty music stand which kept collapsing back down whenever he got it adjusted, and he told us he "just couldn't keep it up tonight" . . . yeah, we didn't let him live that one down.  Ever.

[Giggity]

I love this thread, partly because it's too funny and partly because EVERY SINGLE POST can be followed with a

[Harriet Jones]

[Hushabye]

Those are my favorite gas stations to see when I'm rolling down the highway, if only because they allow me to indulge that part of my brain which is perennially in the gutter.

[baglady]

I wonder if somewhere there is one built next to an In-n-Out burger place.

[RainhaDoTexugo]

DF and I were at the Renaissance Faire the other day, and bought a little catapult from a company called Siege the Day Catapults.  Cute name, fun catapults, but we lost it when they told us the website name - STD catapults.com.  I suppose catapults would make for an interesting STD delivery system.

Also, catapulting mini-marshmallows at DF's forehead, and bits of dog treat at the dog, are both tons of fun.