Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Gyburc]

A friend of mine was helping me clear out a minibus we had rented for a trip, and we found some chewing gum stuck to the floor. As we were prising it off, we started chatting about chewing gum:

Me: I've never really seen the point of gum.
Her: Me too. I mean, it's ever so much more satisfying when you swallow.

There was a verrrry long silence...

 

[Jolie_kitten]

English wasn't my college math professor's first language. I'm pretty sure it was actually his third language. That being said, when he was teaching he taught us about "sets" I don't remember any more of the details than that, but instead of it sounding like "sets" it always sounded like he was saying s3x.

One of my family's friends is a maths professor; English isn't his native language either; he has learned British English but now lives and teaches in the USA. Well, one day he needed to erase something he had written with a pencil, so he innocently asked students:"Could I borrow a rubber from one of you?" Meaning, of course, an eraser...

[Linley]

English wasn't my college math professor's first language. I'm pretty sure it was actually his third language. That being said, when he was teaching he taught us about "sets" I don't remember any more of the details than that, but instead of it sounding like "sets" it always sounded like he was saying s3x.

One of my family's friends is a maths professor; English isn't his native language either; he has learned British English but now lives and teaches in the USA. Well, one day he needed to erase something he had written with a pencil, so he innocently asked students:"Could I borrow a rubber from one of you?" Meaning, of course, an eraser...

Yeah, A friend of mine learned the hard way that in French un préservatif is a condom and does not belong in a conversation about jelly... 

[Jolie_kitten]

Found this piece of news today: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-20015821-71.html the guy was banned from Xbox live for listing his location: Fort G a y, Virginia. (it exists ) Well, if you get banned for that, I don't wanna think what happens to Austrian Xbox users from...um..here: http://tiny.cc/g1loj

[Tashigi]

Found this piece of news today: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-20015821-71.html the guy was banned from Xbox live for listing his location: Fort G a y, Virginia. (it exists ) Well, if you get banned for that, I don't wanna think what happens to Austrian Xbox users from...um..here: http://tiny.cc/g1loj

Or Hell, Michigan.


I feel sorry for that (Austrian) town, because their sign gets stolen so often!

[Jolie_kitten]

There's a Hell in Norway, too. Also: D i l d o- Canada, Intercourse- Pennsylvania, I think? and Humptulips- Washington.
Also in the "Fort G a y" story comments, there was this Chinese guy whose last name was Dong: he could not register on some websites because their filter would see his name as... you know

[baglady]

I founded a forum a few years back called "The Dish & Spoon." The word filter that came with it immediately changed it to "The Dish & Sthingy." Because the last four letters of "spoon" are half of a vulgar term (rhymes with "goon gang").

Fortunately, as the admin, I was able to *tell* the filter what words I wanted censored and which to leave alone.

[Tashigi]

There's a Hell in Norway, too. Also: D i l d o- Canada, Intercourse- Pennsylvania, I think? and Humptulips- Washington.
Also in the "Fort G a y" story comments, there was this Chinese guy whose last name was Dong: he could not register on some websites because their filter would see his name as... you know

And think of those poor people with the surname Wang!

[Julia Mercer]

I think the legendary Slap Chop line "You're Gonna Love My Nuts" would apply here, lol!

Jules

[readingchick]

Heard at a football game on TV: "No penetration".....in reference to not being able to get into the end zone.

[exitzero]

I am not into gardening at all, and someone at church who really is today asked me if I had Burning Bush.
I was a little confused for a minute.
I said, "Not since I've had the penicillin shot", then it was her turn to be confused. When it dawned on her, she turned as red as Burning Bush.

[Paper Roses]

I am not into gardening at all, and someone at church who really is today asked me if I had Burning Bush.
I was a little confused for a minute.
I said, "Not since I've had the penicillin shot", then it was her turn to be confused. When it dawned on her, she turned as red as Burning Bush.

And just how red IS a . . . oh, nevermind.

[IrishGenes]

My sister and I used to live in different states and because of that it was long distance to call one another on our cell phones (didn't have the same provider).  Every year we go Black Friday shopping (the day after Thanksgiving Day).  For the past few years we used her son's walkie talkies to communicate with one another in the stores.  Sometimes she will be in the toy aisle and look for things for both of us while I might be in the dvd aisle looking for things for both of us as well. 

One year she kept turning her walkie talkie off and I couldn't find her.  When I finally found her and we had compared our lists, we decided to split up again to continue shopping.  Sis was about 15 feet away from me when I remembering that she kept turning off her walkie talkie.  So without thinking I asked her, "Are you turned on?"  She looked at me with this ridiculous grin and said "Isn't that a bit personal of a question to ask a complete stranger?" making me even more embarrassed in the crowd of women. 

[White Dragon]

You know, it doesn't help that every time I walk by my counter and see "The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary", I think of this thread and remind myself that I'm the only person in my house who finds it funny and my teens would think me weird if I suggested it might not be appropriate reading for them...

[Sirius]

Back when we were newly married Mr. Sirius was talking about a meeting he would have to go to after work the following day.  I asked, "So how long is it?"  To which he gave the Monty Python answer, "I think that's rather a personal question!"

Then there was this morning:  I was reading one of the "Bridezilla" posts in the archives to him, and asked rhetorically, "So what's wrong with wearing a skirt and top at a wedding instead of a dress?"  To which he responded, "People would look at me funny."

Yes, Mr. Sirius is a real wise apple.