Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't

[Mental Magpie]

"Come on little goatsies, show me the goatsies!"

I blame it on me being unable to sleep.  You see, it was about 4 am and I was waiting for my goats on FrontierVille to be ready to harvest; they had 3 minutes remaining.  Thankfully, I was the only one to hear myself, but it still made me laugh when I realized what I had said; especially the second part!

ETA: If you do not know what a goatsee is and are about to search it, I want to forewarn you that it is NSFW and probably not for the easily squickable

[RainhaDoTexugo]

"Come on little goatsies, show me the goatsies!"

I blame it on me being unable to sleep.  You see, it was about 4 am and I was waiting for my goats on FrontierVille to be ready to harvest; they had 3 minutes remaining.  Thankfully, I was the only one to hear myself, but it still made me laugh when I realized what I had said; especially the second part!

Oh my......

[baglady]

This video is more things that look dirty, I guess:

http://noms.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/08/18/funny-food-photos-maturitys-greatest-foe-the-geoduck/

Warning-- contains graphic images of a geoduck.

"After you take it out, you can see its become hard."

I couldn't stop giggling. Then i made my dad watch it too.

You just gave me a college flashback.

From L (female), who was a Martha Stewart clone before anyone had ever heard of Martha:

"There's nothing I haven't done with a zucchini."

From K (male), who was getting impatient with his first quiche:

"I'm not gonna sit around all night waiting for this thing to get hard!"

[Mental Magpie]

"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

[LadyClaire]

A co-worker, yesterday: "I just wanted a little one, so I asked the guy if I could have it smaller than six inches. Maybe more like three inches, like just a half of one. When he pulled it out and put it on the counter, though, I could tell that it was bigger than three inches, but oh well. It was still smaller than six so it worked."

She was talking about subway sandwich bread, and how she'd wanted just a small sandwich, not a full sized one.

[Harriet Jones]

The Spanish label on a waffle maker : waffleria giratoria

[CG]

"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

Dark boyfriend is correct, but there's only one category of child you can lead around.


In the middle of an argument, a third neutral party: Silence! I'm masticating!

[Mental Magpie]

"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

Dark boyfriend is correct, but there's only one category of child you can lead around.


In the middle of an argument, a third neutral party: Silence! I'm masticating!

Aha!  Good to know.

[Xallanthia]

"Why can't I hold hands with children? I just want them to follow me over to that doorway."

Dark Boyfriend is playing Fable III; he thinks the way to open one of the Demon Doors is to present a child to it.  In this Fable, you can lead around people by the hand.

Dark boyfriend is correct, but there's only one category of child you can lead around.


In the middle of an argument, a third neutral party: Silence! I'm masticating!

The wise guy out of a bunch of exhausted, hungry teenagers who have just ordered pizza after a long flight that got delayed and was a headache:  "When the food gets here we're gonna engage in some group mastication!"

[RainhaDoTexugo]

It's almost like a rite of passage, the first time a teenager learns the word masticate.

[LadyClaire]

Today at work I was trying to remove something from a box with a co-worker. It was a very long, skinny box, and the contents (a massive roll of heavy posters) did not want to budge. So she's got one end of the roll of posters pulling on it, and I'm pn the other end yanking on the box. We're basically playing tug-of-war with it and getting nowhere, and saying things like "come on..just..pull..harder...it'll come out!" and "I'm yanking as hard as I can, but the stuff just isn't coming out the end!" and "oh my god, it's so big and in there so tight that it just can't move!!"

another co-worker was sitting behind us just dying with laughter because it sounded so, so bad..

Of course, there was also the event last week where we were having to re-arrange some furniture. a co-worker and the head of the maintenance department were sliding a long, tall cabinet into an empty office. co-worker is female, the head of maintenance is male. From around the corner we hear the head of maintenance say"Oh my god, it just won't fit! It's way too long to go in there!", and co-worker, who is grunting from the effort of moving this massive piece of furniture replies "Just tilt it and slide it in at an angle! it'll go right in if you do that!"

[readingchick]

It's almost like a rite of passage, the first time a teenager learns the word masticate.

In the same vein, the word macerate sounds really dirty.

[Lynn2000]

Awkward moment with the boss today. She was showing some old photos of plant parts (roots, stems, leaves, etc.) that she'd taken to use in her research and all of a sudden she flips one around and says, "And what do you think THIS is??" She likes to "quiz" us sometimes on our knowledge.

Unfortunately, this particular plant photo was rather suggestive of, well, human male parts. Complete with coloring.

I think she realized it at the same time I did, but we don't have that kind of joking relationship, and there were other people around, and I really had to fight to keep a straight face and babble out something about roots and leaves...

[Piratelvr1121]

There are some sounds that, unless you are in the room watching a show, will sound completely wrong.

Case in point.  Yesterday DH is watching Star Trek while I'm making dinner, and I don't remember the name of the episode, but it's the one where Picard is in charge of kids in an elevator shaft while Wharf is stuck having to deliver Keiko's baby.  Which of course was highly amusing.

Well I'm in the kitchen when Keiko's having contractions and let's just say the sounds she makes while in labor sounded more like the sounds a woman would make while making the baby rather than when she's delivering it.  I jokingly called into the living room "That doesn't sound right!" DH laughed and said back "It's not what you think, Keiko's in labor!"

[Diane AKA Traska]

There are some sounds that, unless you are in the room watching a show, will sound completely wrong.

Case in point.  Yesterday DH is watching Star Trek while I'm making dinner, and I don't remember the name of the episode, but it's the one where Picard is in charge of kids in an elevator shaft while Wharf is stuck having to deliver Keiko's baby.  Which of course was highly amusing.

Well I'm in the kitchen when Keiko's having contractions and let's just say the sounds she makes while in labor sounded more like the sounds a woman would make while making the baby rather than when she's delivering it.  I jokingly called into the living room "That doesn't sound right!" DH laughed and said back "It's not what you think, Keiko's in labor!"

(Sorry, obligatory.)

Worf:  "Push Keiko.  Push.  Push.  Push!"
Keiko:  "I AM PUSHING!"

(Time passes, the O'Briens move to DS9, then a few seasons later Worf does as well.)

Bashier:  "Worf!  Did you hear?  Keiko's having a baby!"
Worf:  "NOW?!"